implexa
Esteemed member
I first posted here 10 years ago, in my early twenties, after having a mind-shattering trip that I struggled to integrate for several years afterwards. I wasn't sure I'd ever touch DMT again. I had a lot of anxiety remembering the trip, and I found life with my new knowledge really challenging. My trouble with integrating the experience was definitely impacted in part by my youth, naivety and destructive lifestyle and relationships. Despite my difficulties with it, it most definitely drastically changed my life and my belief system in a beautiful way, and I have always felt immensely grateful for having seen 'behind the veil'.
A couple of days ago, I ventured back. My first experience felt violent in a sense, and I wanted this one to be gentle. I felt that would be the case, and I spent a little time beforehand affirming that intention. Despite what eventuated, I knew this time that I had a frame of reference, the experience would be temporary, and I would emerge from it and be okay. I took a few tokes, closed my eyes and my vision shifted. It was short and very peaceful - I can't really recall what I saw but subtle fractal patterns.
My partner asked if I wanted to take a few more hits, which I did. After the third toke, I immediately knew this time would be stronger. I fell in to his arms and was instantly drawn in to the realm. It was so familar, yet so different. After all these years, I instantly recognised the quality of the space, despite having viscerally forgotten the absolute weirdness and wondrousness of it. I felt the presence of the timeless alien intelligence manifest in the bizarre, complex, smooth, rippling patterns that I became a part of. The framework of existence. I remember myriad shades of purple in the darkness, and in between the tesselations cracks would open and close revealing slivers of denser neon greens and reds, as if there was another layer of technology sitting behind. The patterns felt 'living', and they moved with the music I was listening to, which was this euphoric revelatory chorus that felt nothing short of absolute divinity.
I felt so calm, safe, and at home. I breathed through the moments of intensity, and felt anchored by my partner's presence. It was exactly the experience that I needed to have. It showed me how much I have grown in the past 10 years, and solidified the feeling that I am exactly where I need to be in my life, which for so long was so hard but is now so full of love and joy.
Absolutely incredible.
A couple of days ago, I ventured back. My first experience felt violent in a sense, and I wanted this one to be gentle. I felt that would be the case, and I spent a little time beforehand affirming that intention. Despite what eventuated, I knew this time that I had a frame of reference, the experience would be temporary, and I would emerge from it and be okay. I took a few tokes, closed my eyes and my vision shifted. It was short and very peaceful - I can't really recall what I saw but subtle fractal patterns.
My partner asked if I wanted to take a few more hits, which I did. After the third toke, I immediately knew this time would be stronger. I fell in to his arms and was instantly drawn in to the realm. It was so familar, yet so different. After all these years, I instantly recognised the quality of the space, despite having viscerally forgotten the absolute weirdness and wondrousness of it. I felt the presence of the timeless alien intelligence manifest in the bizarre, complex, smooth, rippling patterns that I became a part of. The framework of existence. I remember myriad shades of purple in the darkness, and in between the tesselations cracks would open and close revealing slivers of denser neon greens and reds, as if there was another layer of technology sitting behind. The patterns felt 'living', and they moved with the music I was listening to, which was this euphoric revelatory chorus that felt nothing short of absolute divinity.
I felt so calm, safe, and at home. I breathed through the moments of intensity, and felt anchored by my partner's presence. It was exactly the experience that I needed to have. It showed me how much I have grown in the past 10 years, and solidified the feeling that I am exactly where I need to be in my life, which for so long was so hard but is now so full of love and joy.
Absolutely incredible.
