MindRider
Rising Star
Age: 48, Male. Some experience in my 20's with E, and a deep mushroom one in Bali. Then 3 years ago with DMT and since then with small (less than 3g) doses of mushrooms. Daily cannabis user.
Setting:
Friday night, my computer room upstairs. 2 teenage kids in their rooms. my wife watching TV downstairs. Empty stomach, slightly tired. Excited.
Set:
Personal research and self discovery. I finally got a scale and I can stop eyeballing doses. I am not comfortable taking more than 3g with my family here with me.
3G.
10:00 PM. All is ready. i I ingested 3.2 g. empty stomach 40' ago. A little flower offer ceremony, a bit of Palo Santo to clear the room Alex Grey art confirms visually the rush I can feel in my chest. The God-head on my monitor is brighter. More solid. I set up the music, Gaia, Entheogenic. I close my eyes, let the music and some pot accompany me.
T +1, A sense of calm envelopes my chest, the sliding sensation picks up speed and momentum. I breathe deep, following a slow rhythm and trusting my body. Music s crispier. Soft thick Blackness, then a white rain of fluffy light dots start falling up, condensing in front if my eyes. Dancing round white pixel envelope me, they are happy I can finally see them, " You are here! You are here!" They swirl around and bounce off me. Enter me like a sparkly water rush. I remember them from another (DMT) trip. They remember me too. I can feel the energy of the medicine increasing as they swirl faster far away and slower closer to me in tighter orbits. I focus on one of them, it magnifies opening to streaks and blobs of dark blue, deep dark purple with white electric contours. Then deep black again. Velvet quiet violet black. Silence. A bit of fear makes me whisper an Icaro that comes up naturally. the visions are stirred by the sound. I wonder if I should just observe quietly or keep singing. I go quiet and turn the music off.
All is clearer now, but still not overwhelming. I can feel my body if I want to, or go deep in my heart and observe the wonder.Every breath an event. An energy cloud-shaped being appears, made of darkness with light contours. It floats moving fast right to left and touching me with its blue light tentacles, I interact, not sure if opening completely or observe and move on. I don't want to give in to awe. Pay attention, I say to myself. Light doors around me, green dotted fluid sea. I wiggle through holes between vertical liquid planes swimming, pushing, sliding. A framed cube offers entrance on my right side to another plane, with its base behind my head. A blue being of light waits on the other side. I approach him rotating and changing plane of gravity but feeling my body still grounded to "here" where my room is. I can feel the limits of my movement at this dose. The being can feel my limits too and seems disappointed or sad about it.
I push until I can, stretching my light. I can feel the initial rush decreasing. The light being observes me. I explain that I am testing myself, respecting the medicine and my responsibilities to my family in this reality. That I will get deeper soon. I ask him to show me what I can understand. So I start to explore that space attached to my blue line ending at my stomach but going out at my back.Other beings appear and disappear. Some just vague dark blue light shapes, other more defined. I Focus slowly observing and trying to remember all I can, while at the same time trying not to get attached to a particular image or place. Follow the flow, don't get stuck.
Other more complex and rarefied beings appear, too close or too vast to define, I can feel their overwhelming presence. Calm, no fear, Music on. I try to make sense of their shape while at the same time not focusing on them, as they tell me to looking around them. They observe me and communicate using the sounds of the music I listen to, I replay breathing muted sounds, whistles and humms. There is another me laying on my right side. I observe myself and talk to them about my intentions. My thirst, and curiosity, my memories. They take me to a blue hexagonal structure that is rotating in and on itself. Oranges and yellow and blue and black hexagonal spirals inside, that seems a dmt reactor, a source of energy spreading a flux of blue-red light and complex darkness up. I dive into the ray and get sucked into more visions, faster and less defined . I don't remember well. T+2 now, I feel like I am in a test tunnel and my reactions are observed. By 2 beings, a male and a female. I wonder if they are aliens testing me, If I should be there. I reason about Terence suggestions about doses and how a small one is prone to more struggling than a big one, because you can feel the ego swishing out if it as soon as the rush diminishes. Creating a spike of anxiety, that I can easily control since I was prepared to it.
My logical mind starts making assumptions and I find myself in scenarios I have to get out from, without getting upset, scared or agitated. It’s a test, I react instinctively, transforming and inventing shapes to solve my "problems" the beings seem to approve. I am not sure. I face other beings or energies, I try to comprehend and accept them. I am asked to fight at one point. I am not sure I understand what they mean. But I decide to embrace the visions. I imagine myself doing martial arts, tai-chi. Moving my energy and blowing away dark creatures with my "ohhhhshhhh" They are me. Dark parts of me wanting attention. I'm not afraid but I am confused. I keep yawning.
I manage to keep moving without falling in a mental loop. I loose focus, open my eyes and look at my hand. Dancing for me and changing shape. So many fingers, looks like an octopus, slightly glowing in the dark room. Looking like someone else's hand. A kid hand. Lines of light along my skin, I whistle softly, trying to steer the visions away from this feeling of stall. I breath and try to relax again. Close my eyes. 4 shadows are walking around the white corner; the third one is holding a black big suitcase. They move like furtive clowns. I look at the black suitcase and fall in the dark again. Huge creepier figures appear, too close or too complex to define, but I can feel them. They could enter me if I let them, I Yawn mouth full open, I lit up a piece of Palo Santo but the music, switches to System of a down, that is not in my "deep" playlist. I interpret it as a message from one of those scary dark creatures and embrace the music. Embrace my dark side. See some scary red hairy and shiny things. Lucifer. The bringer of light. I’m not sure.
A little anxiety. I use the restroom and get back to my observation point. More Palo Santo. I can feel it's slowing down now. A touch of sadness and a huge yawn. I want to work on myself now. I push every fear away down my body. My hands are much bigger and blue than usual, and are working on my physical body. I get out of it and see myself as a blue light being, curing my laying body. I caress it from the head down standing on my feet behind myself, squeezing out fears and doubts. I want to clean my astral body too. So I get out from the top of my deep blue and star spotted astral body that is standing at the head of my laying physical body using the shape of a dense whiff of white-blue smoke, and blow blue stars and circles over my blue energy body that is curing my physical body. It feels good; I move my awareness between the 3 “bodies” until I feel my stomach rumble a fart and calling me back in my physical form, grounding me. As usual with some gas. I can feel it letting go at +3. Exactly As I thought. Control ready to reactivate. Little men take position back in my spaceship as I sit at the controls again. I am dropped literally and almost abruptly in a pillow like pale grey surface that gradually disappears as I open my eyes completely lucid and a bit surprised.
Reality recomposes. I smoke a bit of pot and relax. Think. Try to categorize, name what I saw, create a pattern to remember the sequence. I get in bed and feel the ego reassembling itself, trying to disprove the experience and instilling my guilt and fears back. (Family duties, drug stigma, fear about the quality of the substance, fear about safety from the Law, and so on with subtle paranoia.) I let it all happen observing what I am doing to myself. laughing a bit about it. The vision eventually closes me in a steel dark thick tube that closes with a "clank" under my feet. Trapped again. With only a single blue point of intense light between my eyes. Like those I saw on old black and white Television sets shutting down . I focus on it expanding it, grunting slowly in my throat and transforming myself into a swarm of electric blue-white bees, melting the metal cylinder from the inside. Exploding in millions of unstoppable star-bees. Buzzing in my head as they form a light shaped being. I try to retain fleeting images. I escaped the cylinder, the symbol of control, of negation, if fear. Of non-love. I'm mentally tired and get distracted easily. I keep moving and rolling around, trying to find peace. More pot.
T+4
Left and right brain fight for my attention. Logic and imagination, thoughts or images. Then reality starts to re establish itself more and more at every breath. I think about the 4 clowns again. The light beings, as I fall asleep. Blobs of glowing pink light still in my close eyes. 3am. The next day I awake at 10, fresh and rested. Kids are awake, my wife too. I wonder if my eyes still show the signs of the mushroom. All is quiet. I eat breakfast and meditate. My third eye pulsating clearly after a few mantras. So much easier after last night. I feel so lucky to be able to experience all this. I am amazed at what we don't know and what we can learn if we just look inside us.
Until the next.
Setting:
Friday night, my computer room upstairs. 2 teenage kids in their rooms. my wife watching TV downstairs. Empty stomach, slightly tired. Excited.
Set:
Personal research and self discovery. I finally got a scale and I can stop eyeballing doses. I am not comfortable taking more than 3g with my family here with me.
3G.
10:00 PM. All is ready. i I ingested 3.2 g. empty stomach 40' ago. A little flower offer ceremony, a bit of Palo Santo to clear the room Alex Grey art confirms visually the rush I can feel in my chest. The God-head on my monitor is brighter. More solid. I set up the music, Gaia, Entheogenic. I close my eyes, let the music and some pot accompany me.
T +1, A sense of calm envelopes my chest, the sliding sensation picks up speed and momentum. I breathe deep, following a slow rhythm and trusting my body. Music s crispier. Soft thick Blackness, then a white rain of fluffy light dots start falling up, condensing in front if my eyes. Dancing round white pixel envelope me, they are happy I can finally see them, " You are here! You are here!" They swirl around and bounce off me. Enter me like a sparkly water rush. I remember them from another (DMT) trip. They remember me too. I can feel the energy of the medicine increasing as they swirl faster far away and slower closer to me in tighter orbits. I focus on one of them, it magnifies opening to streaks and blobs of dark blue, deep dark purple with white electric contours. Then deep black again. Velvet quiet violet black. Silence. A bit of fear makes me whisper an Icaro that comes up naturally. the visions are stirred by the sound. I wonder if I should just observe quietly or keep singing. I go quiet and turn the music off.
All is clearer now, but still not overwhelming. I can feel my body if I want to, or go deep in my heart and observe the wonder.Every breath an event. An energy cloud-shaped being appears, made of darkness with light contours. It floats moving fast right to left and touching me with its blue light tentacles, I interact, not sure if opening completely or observe and move on. I don't want to give in to awe. Pay attention, I say to myself. Light doors around me, green dotted fluid sea. I wiggle through holes between vertical liquid planes swimming, pushing, sliding. A framed cube offers entrance on my right side to another plane, with its base behind my head. A blue being of light waits on the other side. I approach him rotating and changing plane of gravity but feeling my body still grounded to "here" where my room is. I can feel the limits of my movement at this dose. The being can feel my limits too and seems disappointed or sad about it.
I push until I can, stretching my light. I can feel the initial rush decreasing. The light being observes me. I explain that I am testing myself, respecting the medicine and my responsibilities to my family in this reality. That I will get deeper soon. I ask him to show me what I can understand. So I start to explore that space attached to my blue line ending at my stomach but going out at my back.Other beings appear and disappear. Some just vague dark blue light shapes, other more defined. I Focus slowly observing and trying to remember all I can, while at the same time trying not to get attached to a particular image or place. Follow the flow, don't get stuck.
Other more complex and rarefied beings appear, too close or too vast to define, I can feel their overwhelming presence. Calm, no fear, Music on. I try to make sense of their shape while at the same time not focusing on them, as they tell me to looking around them. They observe me and communicate using the sounds of the music I listen to, I replay breathing muted sounds, whistles and humms. There is another me laying on my right side. I observe myself and talk to them about my intentions. My thirst, and curiosity, my memories. They take me to a blue hexagonal structure that is rotating in and on itself. Oranges and yellow and blue and black hexagonal spirals inside, that seems a dmt reactor, a source of energy spreading a flux of blue-red light and complex darkness up. I dive into the ray and get sucked into more visions, faster and less defined . I don't remember well. T+2 now, I feel like I am in a test tunnel and my reactions are observed. By 2 beings, a male and a female. I wonder if they are aliens testing me, If I should be there. I reason about Terence suggestions about doses and how a small one is prone to more struggling than a big one, because you can feel the ego swishing out if it as soon as the rush diminishes. Creating a spike of anxiety, that I can easily control since I was prepared to it.
My logical mind starts making assumptions and I find myself in scenarios I have to get out from, without getting upset, scared or agitated. It’s a test, I react instinctively, transforming and inventing shapes to solve my "problems" the beings seem to approve. I am not sure. I face other beings or energies, I try to comprehend and accept them. I am asked to fight at one point. I am not sure I understand what they mean. But I decide to embrace the visions. I imagine myself doing martial arts, tai-chi. Moving my energy and blowing away dark creatures with my "ohhhhshhhh" They are me. Dark parts of me wanting attention. I'm not afraid but I am confused. I keep yawning.
I manage to keep moving without falling in a mental loop. I loose focus, open my eyes and look at my hand. Dancing for me and changing shape. So many fingers, looks like an octopus, slightly glowing in the dark room. Looking like someone else's hand. A kid hand. Lines of light along my skin, I whistle softly, trying to steer the visions away from this feeling of stall. I breath and try to relax again. Close my eyes. 4 shadows are walking around the white corner; the third one is holding a black big suitcase. They move like furtive clowns. I look at the black suitcase and fall in the dark again. Huge creepier figures appear, too close or too complex to define, but I can feel them. They could enter me if I let them, I Yawn mouth full open, I lit up a piece of Palo Santo but the music, switches to System of a down, that is not in my "deep" playlist. I interpret it as a message from one of those scary dark creatures and embrace the music. Embrace my dark side. See some scary red hairy and shiny things. Lucifer. The bringer of light. I’m not sure.
A little anxiety. I use the restroom and get back to my observation point. More Palo Santo. I can feel it's slowing down now. A touch of sadness and a huge yawn. I want to work on myself now. I push every fear away down my body. My hands are much bigger and blue than usual, and are working on my physical body. I get out of it and see myself as a blue light being, curing my laying body. I caress it from the head down standing on my feet behind myself, squeezing out fears and doubts. I want to clean my astral body too. So I get out from the top of my deep blue and star spotted astral body that is standing at the head of my laying physical body using the shape of a dense whiff of white-blue smoke, and blow blue stars and circles over my blue energy body that is curing my physical body. It feels good; I move my awareness between the 3 “bodies” until I feel my stomach rumble a fart and calling me back in my physical form, grounding me. As usual with some gas. I can feel it letting go at +3. Exactly As I thought. Control ready to reactivate. Little men take position back in my spaceship as I sit at the controls again. I am dropped literally and almost abruptly in a pillow like pale grey surface that gradually disappears as I open my eyes completely lucid and a bit surprised.
Reality recomposes. I smoke a bit of pot and relax. Think. Try to categorize, name what I saw, create a pattern to remember the sequence. I get in bed and feel the ego reassembling itself, trying to disprove the experience and instilling my guilt and fears back. (Family duties, drug stigma, fear about the quality of the substance, fear about safety from the Law, and so on with subtle paranoia.) I let it all happen observing what I am doing to myself. laughing a bit about it. The vision eventually closes me in a steel dark thick tube that closes with a "clank" under my feet. Trapped again. With only a single blue point of intense light between my eyes. Like those I saw on old black and white Television sets shutting down . I focus on it expanding it, grunting slowly in my throat and transforming myself into a swarm of electric blue-white bees, melting the metal cylinder from the inside. Exploding in millions of unstoppable star-bees. Buzzing in my head as they form a light shaped being. I try to retain fleeting images. I escaped the cylinder, the symbol of control, of negation, if fear. Of non-love. I'm mentally tired and get distracted easily. I keep moving and rolling around, trying to find peace. More pot.
T+4
Left and right brain fight for my attention. Logic and imagination, thoughts or images. Then reality starts to re establish itself more and more at every breath. I think about the 4 clowns again. The light beings, as I fall asleep. Blobs of glowing pink light still in my close eyes. 3am. The next day I awake at 10, fresh and rested. Kids are awake, my wife too. I wonder if my eyes still show the signs of the mushroom. All is quiet. I eat breakfast and meditate. My third eye pulsating clearly after a few mantras. So much easier after last night. I feel so lucky to be able to experience all this. I am amazed at what we don't know and what we can learn if we just look inside us.
Until the next.
I have all the others, too, Shpongle, Aes Dana, Ott... 