4 Massive Trips Later And I'm Actually a Mess

[Morbid]

So despite joining DMT Nexus I've never actually done DMT. My notable drug experiences have been with LSD, DXM and Weed. My first LSD experience was incredibly heavenly and positive, but the rest of my trips have leaned mostly towards the negative side. Ironically I've had a fascination with being hypnotized for as long as I can remember, but during my last trip I still kept trying to hold onto my free will, ego and memories of being human as they were slipping away. Trying to hold on felt like I was in the darkest depths of hell, but the few times I gave up felt so amazing like it was the greatest feeling I could ever experience. I believe that anything could happen, even beyond the realms of our imagination. As beautiful as that is, that also means an infinite amount of negative experiences can happen, and things can always get worse. I am constantly anxious about experiencing hell again.

I spend most of my time sober, but something strange from a different LSD trip about a year and a half ago (this one was more half negative/half positive) I had a sort of "epiphany" that our creations in media (books, movies/television) were windows into the infinite lesser dimensional realities that humans can perceive and I attempted to reincarnate into Nick Wilde from Zootopia. I could feel myself in between my reality and the "reality" of Zootopia and it could not have felt more real. I felt fur, a tail, a muzzle and I could mentally feel my whole body morphing into a fox. There was a point where I felt like the universe was "testing" me and trying to distract me to get me to snap back into my own reality. The universe tested my willingness to transition into this new reality by presenting what it would cost. My heart started racing and I was flooded with voices telling me that in order to switch lives I would have to feel my heart stop. As I wrestled with the idea I could actually feel my heartbeat subtly changing as if it was actually going to stop. Due to how real this felt I snapped out of it and returned to the latter half of my trip completely spooked by the experience.

The most disturbing thing about this experience is that I could easily recreate it while sober. I would relax and focus on trying to reincarnate into Nick Wilde, or some other character within media and I could feel myself shifting between dimensions. Everything felt just as real and I would hear voices asking me if I was sure and telling me again that I would have to feel my heart stop. I would always snap myself out of it, but the experience would always feel just as real as it did on acid.

I no longer try to be Nick Wilde or change lives at this point, but every time I fall into a deep hypnotic trance I still end up growling and salivating and feeling like an animal. I shivered and shook wildly and my heart raced throughout my last hypnotic session. I don't know how to fix this problem, it feels strange and it makes me feel like I'm a complete psychopath.

I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience. Am I just Scizophrenic at this point? Should I be worried about anything?

 

[ruhrohraggy]

I had that on a mushroom trip once.

I stood at the inside of my my front door. I had the thought that, if I truly, un-equivically believed it...I could teleport through the door with my mind, because nothing was impossible.

But then, my psyche's defense mechanisms kicked in and warned me about all the possible consequences and rammifications I would face for breaking universal laws.

That the universe would detect this breach of and law send it's minions after me for breaking it...and that I would be doomed to spend forever in a universal jail.

I then snapped out of this idea...and proceeded to carry on merrily wondering if the universe was just some bigger entity's brain that I was trapped in, and whether or not I was just a figment of it's imagination, and then maybe there was a universe inside my own brain where there was a tiny planet that people inhabited, tripping on mushrooms and thinking the same thing...

So yeah, the psychedelic experience is pretty bizarre, as can be our imaginations.

I occasionally think about what would have happened if I had mustered the courage to actually teleport...but I don't give it too much thought. I don't worry about it beacuse it didn't happen and I did not wind up in cosmic jail...and anyway, spending eternity in cosmic jail doesn't sound like fun anyway...

I can't say what you should or shouldn't do...but if it were me, I would just accept that what occurred was your imagination being active, strong and healthy amplified by the psychedelics you were on.

Move past the fear, and understand that deep down, you prefer to be you, and not Nick Wilde, which I think is what the subconscious was trying to say there.

Then either take comfort in that...or overcome the fear, and become Nick Wilde!

 

[Jees]

Hello Morbid,

You ask: should I be worried? But what is the question about?
- resolving your recent psychological state (you refer to schizophrenic);
- or about a plan to take dmt? You haven't confirmed that this was an actual plan, or should we take that for granted? If so, do you have the means to do so?

For the first option: I can't say

For the second option: personally I would not trip spice if I feel like a mess like the title suggests, this is often part of the set and setting thingy. Nevertheless some people could surpass their mess-ness with the aid of trips. The one person is helped while the other person goes into a deeper mess, in what category you are is hard to tell.

I hope you become a happy person, life is too short to miss out on that

 

[RoundAbout]

I was wondering if anyone else had a similar experience.

Perhaps my experiences are familiar; I felt it was productive to relate my own experiences in the light of your story anyways.

When I am underway on moderate to high doses of shrooms or DMT (I haven't tried LSD for direct comparison), I get many 'insights' into the animal nature of both my body and my mind. I think this is OK because I am an animal and so, for instance, intuitively relating my skeleton to chimpanzees and feeling the musculature of my body as the form of an animal is natural. As I know these general facts are true, I also feel compelled by the smaller, more detailed insights of this type that are highly uncertain and more maddening :|.

I believe you are perhaps receiving a somewhat similar type of signal (relating 'I' to other lifeforms), and that you process it differently (causing you to imagine yourself as this fox character rather than relate yourself physically to reality). Consider this hypothetical model: the connection between the knowledge of nature in the mind and the feelings arising from the body is too weak to use intuition, or perhaps that the components are undeveloped individually.

I have never understood the draw of anthropomorphized animals in popular media. I think that perhaps you do, given that you relate to this Nick Wilde, and your avatar is a cartoon animal that reminds me of a deviantart 'furry' drawing (I'm not suggesting you are a 'furry', or pretending to know you well enough to know such things; I just see similarity as an outsider).

Where do you believe you may fit into primitive nature, and does this idea feel natural using your body?

I'd type more but I feel like I am out on a limb already. The above is likely heavily biased, so don't take it too seriously.

Cheers.