moyshekapoyre
Rising Star
Hello lovely people/god.
I've been trying to get one last transformative experience--I say last because I really wanted it to transform me and not leave me wanting more ayahuasca later on. Perhaps it was that intention of transformation that made this experience different from any I've ever had.
It felt like way, way too much pharma for me, even though I've done more in the past with much better(?) results.
I decided I did not want to leave my body, and so I stayed in there, the whole time realizing that I am God and such.. I've been reading a bit about Zen Buddhism lately, and all of that just suddenly made sense. The universe is/was conceived as a paradox of the dual nature of consciousness, and consciousness is not just paradoxical, it is defined by paradox. And love is the answer to go past the paradox. Or something along those lines. I like the way that "Rising Spirit" puts it in his latest post here... "Equal" Amount Teacher to Light - Ayahuasca - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus
But because I was alone, and fully conscious, I realized I absolutely needed to tell everyone about what I was experiencing, so that they could understand and then explain it to me once I forgot it. So I started screaming out the window, and my landlord came to talk me down. I felt like I had some kind incredible connection to his consciousness, and that he understood everything I was saying--for the first time, he GOT it like he'd never gotten it before. The same thing then happened with one of my best friends who came back, who I'll call Seb.
Seb recalled nothing at all of what I recalled from our talk--he said I was just completely insane and screaming "FUCK THE WORLD! IT'S TOO CRAZY!"
I mean, I do remember thinking that, but I don't remember screaming it. What I remember is that I explained the nature of reality to him, and he got it. I have a feeling that both of our memories are accurate, in a paradoxical way.
I also got the feeling that I needed to go to jail in order to help people there understand, so I was not afraid of police coming by due to neighbors' calls. They didn't come. I'm not sure if I'm glad they didn't. I think it would have been an interesting experience, since I've never been to jail yet. Everything is a trade-off.
I have yet to speak to my landlord sober, but I will try to do that today and find out if he remembers anything like what I remember from our convo. Maybe he'll tell me I have to move out...
So, lessons learned. It was a very valuable experience to me, even though it seemed negative to most or all of those around me who were sober. In the future I do not think I will do ayahuasca without an experienced sitter, unless I am in a forest where no one can hear me scream.
I also got the message that drugs are not the answer--they are the answer in that they help us to see our full potential. But they fool us into thinking that we need them to experience the divine, when in fact we need to learn that we do NOT need them to have such experiences, and only when we learn that will we be truly happy.
I've been trying to get one last transformative experience--I say last because I really wanted it to transform me and not leave me wanting more ayahuasca later on. Perhaps it was that intention of transformation that made this experience different from any I've ever had.
It felt like way, way too much pharma for me, even though I've done more in the past with much better(?) results.
I decided I did not want to leave my body, and so I stayed in there, the whole time realizing that I am God and such.. I've been reading a bit about Zen Buddhism lately, and all of that just suddenly made sense. The universe is/was conceived as a paradox of the dual nature of consciousness, and consciousness is not just paradoxical, it is defined by paradox. And love is the answer to go past the paradox. Or something along those lines. I like the way that "Rising Spirit" puts it in his latest post here... "Equal" Amount Teacher to Light - Ayahuasca - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus
But because I was alone, and fully conscious, I realized I absolutely needed to tell everyone about what I was experiencing, so that they could understand and then explain it to me once I forgot it. So I started screaming out the window, and my landlord came to talk me down. I felt like I had some kind incredible connection to his consciousness, and that he understood everything I was saying--for the first time, he GOT it like he'd never gotten it before. The same thing then happened with one of my best friends who came back, who I'll call Seb.
Seb recalled nothing at all of what I recalled from our talk--he said I was just completely insane and screaming "FUCK THE WORLD! IT'S TOO CRAZY!"
I mean, I do remember thinking that, but I don't remember screaming it. What I remember is that I explained the nature of reality to him, and he got it. I have a feeling that both of our memories are accurate, in a paradoxical way.
I also got the feeling that I needed to go to jail in order to help people there understand, so I was not afraid of police coming by due to neighbors' calls. They didn't come. I'm not sure if I'm glad they didn't. I think it would have been an interesting experience, since I've never been to jail yet. Everything is a trade-off.
I have yet to speak to my landlord sober, but I will try to do that today and find out if he remembers anything like what I remember from our convo. Maybe he'll tell me I have to move out...
So, lessons learned. It was a very valuable experience to me, even though it seemed negative to most or all of those around me who were sober. In the future I do not think I will do ayahuasca without an experienced sitter, unless I am in a forest where no one can hear me scream.
I also got the message that drugs are not the answer--they are the answer in that they help us to see our full potential. But they fool us into thinking that we need them to experience the divine, when in fact we need to learn that we do NOT need them to have such experiences, and only when we learn that will we be truly happy.
