Hello,
SWIM had quite an adventure, including a taste of insanity, last night. Throughout the entire thing, no matter where she went, what happened, she still had a visceral memory of the ecstatic/mystical realm. She still knew that her consciousness would survive the death of her body. She felt calm, relaxed and accepting. Actually, a shocking lack of fear. A month or two ago, SWIM would have claimed that it took a lot to make her have strong emotions of any sort, but things are changing as she is beginning to learn (perhaps) what it really means to be human . . .
SWIM has been wanting to smoke the spice at the peak of a mushroom trip for a couple of weeks. It failed both on the 7 gr trip and this one. She just couldn't find the mental fortitude or wherwithal . . .
SWIM's memory is fractured . . .
SWIM ate the mushrooms, took a shower, did a short meditation, turned on the tripping light (already beginning to tingle), then vaporized the spice. She had a new pipe and was able to properly vaporize spice for the first time. She definately got the entire dose, most within the first toke. The second toke was lame and mostly concerned with safely putting the pipe down . . .
SWIM was not launched from her body but was sent into a deep trance and an in-between realm. She hears (just hears) the tinnitus tone. There were swirling, 3-D patterned strips (paisley kind of) moving at a fantastic pace, "coming at her." Her thoughts were moving a mile a minute. She didn't know she was on her room, on her bed but she was not out of her body . . . difficult to describe. . .
SWIM feels she didn't really come down from this experience fully until the end of the mushroom trip. It was the most incredible transition she has ever experienced. She "wakes up" ecstatic and paralyzed on her bed. In a minute or two she rips the blindfold off and the strips of patterns are still visible. She is fantastically energized and psychedelicized, pretty much stuck to her bed, gasping "Wow!" and waiting to come down. It doesn't happen. She knows she is in for it. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. The strips transform endlessly, sometimes into twisted, deformed, evil-intent faces coming towards SWIM relenlessly. There is an insane echoing, very loud voice in her head. It is yelling something urgent (she is not sure what now) and the sound is literally bouncing back and forth in the now-square angles of her head. The bouncing/echoing effect seems to indicate that SWIM's head is actually a tesseract structure of some sort.
SWIM is assaulted by an onslaught of voices, shifting emotions (crying, laughing). She sees several tunnels but no lights. Several times she becomes absolutely convinced that she has completely quit breathing. She is dying. This is okay. There is no fear or panic. Not even any caring worry about not having said goodbye or tried to meet the future needs of loved ones . . .Just relaxed acceptance and a kind of waiting to ascend again to that ecstatic realm . . .
It seems like the DMT-style visions finally fade but the mushrooms are hitting SWIM hard. She ate 5.2 grams (an odd amount) because that's what she got out of a recent, particularly potent flush full of big caps . . . The room is dissolved. She cannot see the kids' art on the wall. If she tries to look at a picture it fades backwards and sideways into endless layers, impossible to focus upon . . .
There are no visible round surfaces. EVERYTHING with a round curve is now broken up into myriad small squares/cubes. Fantastic hallucination!
SWIM felt she tasted insanity. She did not become delusional, always knew on some level she was in her bed, had smoked spice and eaten a lot of mushrooms . . .The voices and thoughts in her head seemed like an irresistable assault that she had to hang on against . . .Inner demons were on the loose . . .
She had to keep her eyes closed a lot because she keept seeing ghostly presences beginning to materialize in the room. Also because she could not focus on/visually perceive her cat correctly. It seemed huge, twisted and like multiple feline entities. BUT SWIM knew it was her cat, so she stroked it and said its name with eyes closed. SWIM was thirstly but with eyes open could not conceive of the water bottle correctly. It seemed misfitted, square and difficult to see/grasp. SWIM was able to take a drink with her eyes closed . . .None of these things mattered anyway because SWIM kept "desending towards death" due to lack of breathing. Not a series of ego-deaths but certainly losses . . .
Time was radically dilated, as usual. Things stayed broken up into squares/cubes throughout as well as so layered that it was almost impossible to focus on/resolve familar objects. The room seemed underground, damp, almost like in a submarine . . .
Several times throughout the experience, including at the peak, she thought about smoking spice. There is no way she could have loaded a dose into her new bubbler/vaporizer freebase pipe. She loaded a dose (much lower than 30mg) into her regular water pipe, but could not find whatever was needed to smoke it . . .
SWIM's comedown was a rough transition back to stunned and exausted reality, involving a round of retching and getting almost nothing up but the slightest bit of bile . . .SWIM slept for about three hours, woke up at the usual time and wasn't going anywhere, not even to the bathroom. She just lay there. Her cat came up to her concernedly and lay down next to her - never done in this way by the cat before. SWIM sleeps another 3 hours. She's back to "normal." Still the new normal of the ecstatic experience memory, but not feeling like she had a bad trip or anything. Anything that avoids down-to-earth delusion is not a bad trip in her book. There were many fantastical aspects and many intensely rough aspects and some personal lessons learned. SWIM is starting to think that the spice is telling her to avoid combinations! She is still tempted to try smoking spice at the peak of a mushroom trip in the future, but probably at a 3gr dose.SWIM is looking forward to taking mushrooms again and will probably smoke more spice today or tonight. . .
Peace & Love,
Pandora
SWIM had quite an adventure, including a taste of insanity, last night. Throughout the entire thing, no matter where she went, what happened, she still had a visceral memory of the ecstatic/mystical realm. She still knew that her consciousness would survive the death of her body. She felt calm, relaxed and accepting. Actually, a shocking lack of fear. A month or two ago, SWIM would have claimed that it took a lot to make her have strong emotions of any sort, but things are changing as she is beginning to learn (perhaps) what it really means to be human . . .
SWIM has been wanting to smoke the spice at the peak of a mushroom trip for a couple of weeks. It failed both on the 7 gr trip and this one. She just couldn't find the mental fortitude or wherwithal . . .
SWIM's memory is fractured . . .
SWIM ate the mushrooms, took a shower, did a short meditation, turned on the tripping light (already beginning to tingle), then vaporized the spice. She had a new pipe and was able to properly vaporize spice for the first time. She definately got the entire dose, most within the first toke. The second toke was lame and mostly concerned with safely putting the pipe down . . .
SWIM was not launched from her body but was sent into a deep trance and an in-between realm. She hears (just hears) the tinnitus tone. There were swirling, 3-D patterned strips (paisley kind of) moving at a fantastic pace, "coming at her." Her thoughts were moving a mile a minute. She didn't know she was on her room, on her bed but she was not out of her body . . . difficult to describe. . .
SWIM feels she didn't really come down from this experience fully until the end of the mushroom trip. It was the most incredible transition she has ever experienced. She "wakes up" ecstatic and paralyzed on her bed. In a minute or two she rips the blindfold off and the strips of patterns are still visible. She is fantastically energized and psychedelicized, pretty much stuck to her bed, gasping "Wow!" and waiting to come down. It doesn't happen. She knows she is in for it. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. The strips transform endlessly, sometimes into twisted, deformed, evil-intent faces coming towards SWIM relenlessly. There is an insane echoing, very loud voice in her head. It is yelling something urgent (she is not sure what now) and the sound is literally bouncing back and forth in the now-square angles of her head. The bouncing/echoing effect seems to indicate that SWIM's head is actually a tesseract structure of some sort.
SWIM is assaulted by an onslaught of voices, shifting emotions (crying, laughing). She sees several tunnels but no lights. Several times she becomes absolutely convinced that she has completely quit breathing. She is dying. This is okay. There is no fear or panic. Not even any caring worry about not having said goodbye or tried to meet the future needs of loved ones . . .Just relaxed acceptance and a kind of waiting to ascend again to that ecstatic realm . . .
It seems like the DMT-style visions finally fade but the mushrooms are hitting SWIM hard. She ate 5.2 grams (an odd amount) because that's what she got out of a recent, particularly potent flush full of big caps . . . The room is dissolved. She cannot see the kids' art on the wall. If she tries to look at a picture it fades backwards and sideways into endless layers, impossible to focus upon . . .
There are no visible round surfaces. EVERYTHING with a round curve is now broken up into myriad small squares/cubes. Fantastic hallucination!
SWIM felt she tasted insanity. She did not become delusional, always knew on some level she was in her bed, had smoked spice and eaten a lot of mushrooms . . .The voices and thoughts in her head seemed like an irresistable assault that she had to hang on against . . .Inner demons were on the loose . . .
She had to keep her eyes closed a lot because she keept seeing ghostly presences beginning to materialize in the room. Also because she could not focus on/visually perceive her cat correctly. It seemed huge, twisted and like multiple feline entities. BUT SWIM knew it was her cat, so she stroked it and said its name with eyes closed. SWIM was thirstly but with eyes open could not conceive of the water bottle correctly. It seemed misfitted, square and difficult to see/grasp. SWIM was able to take a drink with her eyes closed . . .None of these things mattered anyway because SWIM kept "desending towards death" due to lack of breathing. Not a series of ego-deaths but certainly losses . . .
Time was radically dilated, as usual. Things stayed broken up into squares/cubes throughout as well as so layered that it was almost impossible to focus on/resolve familar objects. The room seemed underground, damp, almost like in a submarine . . .
Several times throughout the experience, including at the peak, she thought about smoking spice. There is no way she could have loaded a dose into her new bubbler/vaporizer freebase pipe. She loaded a dose (much lower than 30mg) into her regular water pipe, but could not find whatever was needed to smoke it . . .
SWIM's comedown was a rough transition back to stunned and exausted reality, involving a round of retching and getting almost nothing up but the slightest bit of bile . . .SWIM slept for about three hours, woke up at the usual time and wasn't going anywhere, not even to the bathroom. She just lay there. Her cat came up to her concernedly and lay down next to her - never done in this way by the cat before. SWIM sleeps another 3 hours. She's back to "normal." Still the new normal of the ecstatic experience memory, but not feeling like she had a bad trip or anything. Anything that avoids down-to-earth delusion is not a bad trip in her book. There were many fantastical aspects and many intensely rough aspects and some personal lessons learned. SWIM is starting to think that the spice is telling her to avoid combinations! She is still tempted to try smoking spice at the peak of a mushroom trip in the future, but probably at a 3gr dose.SWIM is looking forward to taking mushrooms again and will probably smoke more spice today or tonight. . .
Peace & Love,
Pandora
