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a battle for my soul

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Skeemer

Skeemer

remeeks
This experience was 3 sessions over the course of a week. First session i load up my pipe with some changa, from the first batch i made. It was smooth and got me to the dmt dome of color, typical of where i get with a pipe hit. When i came out however, out of the lower right field of my vision i could see a dark being, almost human like shape but jet black, and he was showing me the life in some bushes that projected out towards me in a multidimensional way. It was pretty cool oev's but this being i felt was evil or a negative energy of some sort but didn't scare me or anything, just made me aware of its presence.

A couple days later while camping i went for round 2, this time i loaded up my bong with changa and on this over cast day a brilliant amount of light shined down and mother earth came to life before my eyes....it was beautiful....then the cev's became very dark, i felt like i was being sucked down a hole, but something was guiding me throwing cool patterns in front of me to pull me in further and then i felt the slightest, most tiny rain drop hit me head followed by a comforting gust of wind, followed by one more rain drop and i lifted my head up and opened my eyes to the beauty of nature and the harmony of the birds chirping and trees swaying was amazing. But as i lifted my head i heard multiple voices saying things like aww, we were almost there, we almost had him, come back. I really felt like my soul was being tugged at by some evil energies, and that god was there gently tapping me on the head, telling me to pick my head up and enjoy the beauty he has put in front of me.

Last night i ate some shrooms and decide to go for round 3. I had a little anxiety, but good music pumpin and off i went. I really felt the presence of the divine over my head projecting the presence of a female. As she started to show me what she wanted to show me she said leave and i saw 2 hands sweep in front of my face, then she said get out of here, and then through the patterns of color dashed some sort of demon/devil type figure that i felt was trying to distract me from seeing what she had to show me. Then the vision of this evil energy flashed in front of me again with pornographic/erotic images. I went deeper into the vision, feeling like i went into the devils mind and saw how he thinks and how he attacks people. I then went deeper into that and saw exactly how he affects my life and causes some of the struggles i deal with at times. as i slowly came out of this trip i went into some serious prayer. Asking for forgiveness for not believing in god with all of my heart, thanking god for showing me what i needed to see, and some other family related stuff. I'm still a little mind blown by the clarity of which i witnessed everything. Three trips in a row got progessivly darker...why. I'm not really sure what else i need to work on in my life other than faith....maybe thats it for now.

Coming too the shrooms were enhanced in a major way, i actually couldn't walk for about 45 minutes. Everything looked and felt how it does about 20 seconds into some changa.....for 45 minutes! Also, the last 2 changa sesions i've felt some nausea come on just before i knock out, anyone else have this happen?

I hope this wasn't too drawn out or boring.

Peace
Skeemer
 
Very interesting. I have many times witnessed the battle between good and evil in my mind on DMT. You mentioned the "devil" was trying to distract you from what the women was trying to show you with things like pornographic visions, etc. It reminded me of this nightmare mushroom trip I had about 2 years ago when my head started skipping like a scratched cd, my head was like "you better be careful right here", then my whole reality started skipping like a scratched cd. I completely lost it and started fighting the trip with all my might. I began seeing insanely disturbing images of people being tortured, beheaded, castrated, and other visions I cannot even possibly describe. It was an all out nightmare and I was sure I was going to hell at that moment. Then I started talking to these "entities" (this was before I ever broke through on DMT and met them in person) and they gave me the impression that they were the ones who controlled the "rules" of reality. They seemed kinda like computer hackers, it was like they were typing code and changing my trip as they wanted. After smoking DMT and breaking through I realized who they really were, my own subconscious. So now whenever I'm having hellish trips I always try to understand that it is all within myself and I have complete control over it (way easier said than done).
 
I feel the same. After integrating my trip i understand everything i saw was in my mind. I do struggle with some areas in my life and as weird and slightly disturbing as the trip was, i realize how incredibley important it was for me and my growth. I feel i cant go any further until i not only fix some things, but control some urges too. It's all spiritual growth.


Peace
 
Wow this sounds like an awesome journey. You saw into the darkness, and brought back some light. Like previously mentioned these are creations of our own being. On Erowid you can find the book the psychedelic experience, written by those good ole boys from Harvard that helped to start this whole crazy trip.

Pay particular attention to the wrathful deities section, this helps to explain these wrathful visions you are having better than I probably can, maybe....😉
 
Dude, every time the dark side invades one of my journeys, it is usually in the form of a fat fly coming out of nowhere and buzzing around my face...pretty much, everytime...and the fly is real, as in 3rd dimension real...I'll always see the fly first, right after exhaling, and then it's like "f***, shoulda used more sage", as I am confronted with the ugly ones of lower vibration....usually i just sing songs of love to them, however dumb that may sound...the worst they can do is mock me and ridicule me, and I have lots of experience with that from my girlfriend....lol... :/
 
Hello there :)

One thing in this particular trip report struck me with a big déjà vu feeling:
Then the vision of this evil energy flashed in front of me again with pornographic/erotic images.
Click to expand...

For many years I was masturbating daily at erotic fantasies which I created on-the-fly from some normal daily content and memories. And in most of those masturbating fantasies I was playing the part of a sick bastard, a pervert. Not going into the detail I must admit: if I ever would play out some of those dark sex fantasies in ‘the real life’, I would go to jail for the rest of my life and lose all of my friends, 100% guaranteed.

I didn’t pay much attention to those dark fantasies: I was a good person in the real life, what bad could do being a bad guy in my own sexual fantasies a few minutes a day? Nobody would ever know anyway :)

And only while using DMT and communicating to this hyperspace stuff I realized that after many years of such dark fantasies I created a part of myself which is truly evil (without committing any crime in the real life!). Amazing, what a few minutes of sick thoughts every day can accomplish, isn’t it? :)

Now I changed my masturbating fantasies completely into very warm, loving and pure ones which I would not be ashamed to show to the rest of the world. A complete opposition to my previous sick dark fantasies: I would die in shame if anybody ever knew what happened inside my head while I was masturbating.

This change in sexual thought pattern helped me grow spiritually more than all spiritual practices I did before all together!!! And I did a lot of them, practicing meditation, prayer, lucid dreaming, astral travel and such. Just to give you an idea about how much I grew by simply saying ‘NO’ to my own dark sexual fantasies ;)

Namaste.
 
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