I write this still under the effects of caapi. I've never felt so happy, alive, and wonderful. Everything I've ever searched for has culminated in today. Everything just is, and for the first time in my entire life, I LOVE IT.
I drank my tea, followed by a mixture of OJ and spice. I've always had trouble with ayahuasca in the past, it either worked (kinda) or just not at all. Or so I thought. As I layed down, I listened to icaros and tried just waiting for effects. I don't have a very large collection of icaros, but I feel like I've found the most beautiful songs that just resonate with me.
After an hour or two (I don't know anymore) and a purge, I didn't have the desired effects, so I decided to smoke. The GVG was loaded and I took two solid hits. That was all that was needed.
For the first time, this has been a very colorful journey. It's always been pretty much black and white. There were pinks, neon greens, and hues I couldn't even understand. I was in the realm of the elves, which were very comedic today. It was very African, as my visions always seem to be, but the spirits looked like modern hip-hop dancers, moving around for my amusement. As the effects of the spice were slowing down, I was aware that I had previously drank ayahuasca, which slipped my mind during the beauty. I could feel the energy coursing through me, and something just threw me to the ground. I laid with my head down, almost in a "prayer position" (For lack of a better term), and realized that I need to do yoga. I've always needed to do yoga. I changed from one position to another, I don't know if they are actual positions or not, but everything felt so good. Just movements and poses, stretching out my body. It's like I finally understand the comfort of curling up into a ball.
What happened next was unexpected. I cried. I cried out of joy, because I needed to cry. I needed to get everything out. I was crying because I was so happy that I was crying. I laid there on the floor, crying in ecstasy, accompanied by my newly adopted feline friend. She was so fuzzy and playful, it just added to the joy. This was the happiest I've ever been in my entire life.
I felt the urge to go outside, as I needed a change of scenery from my dark apartment, and as I walked out, everything was kind of gray. I figure it's because of all the bright colors I just experienced. I lit up a cigarette and just sat there, completely at peace with everything. I never felt so great...or so alive.
It then struck me that I need to write this all down. So here I am, kitty lying next to me, typing what I feel is my first true experience report. It needed to be written down. I'm still filled with utter joy and I really hope this feeling never goes away. For once, I am at peace. I am happy.
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