a bit about me and my beliefs.

[casper-92-]

hi, so i was never really religious. i dont believe in a god as the bible would have him depicted. nor the creation of the world and everything else in 7 days. i have always followed science and the answers it provided with the apparent facts to back it up. iv lived life to very recently with those thought processes, believing in evolution and so on. but as i turned 19 over a year ago, my life took a turn in a new direction, drastically.

having lose my mother to illness around that time, then moving out and struggling with living for myself, up to this point i have increasingly become to what i like to refer to as more 'aware' and in the process, my previous belief system built around science have started to fall apart in most areas. (not all), i have come to separate science from other beliefs iv developed. where now it stands, i still follow science for its tremendous work into the physical aspect of everything. but iv also come to believe in things that most science would still discredit, in my opinion, because it can provide no answers to them in a physical sense.

so i started hearing these stories of psychedelic (mind manifest) drug experiences. these claims seemed to be very similar on most counts. especially when it comes to DMT. after doing lots and lots of research into all this. thats where my seperation came. literally changing everything i believe in in the space of around 12 month up to now.

i would like to say that i am now actively researching all types of spiritual, science, and religious beliefs at an increasing rate. it has gotton to the point that i can no longer go an hour a day without something related popping into my head. but this is the thing, its gotten so extreme that i dont always want it, but i cant help it from coming. iv started coming up with thories about what and who we are and its not something i would ever have thought myself to do. i have had to let this information out though, to my friends, just to relieve the build up. and all i get is that im going crazy, thats making me go crazy hearing it. so in that respect im at a loss.

however, when i get into whatever is coming, and keep focused i start to understand exactly what these experiences are, without ever having them. i then find that if we say, those experiences are correct and of some dimension we dont normally experience, there seems to be striking relations throughout religions of all kinds that match up. and it seems that things have just become slightly misinterpreted over time. i wont go into full details of this, but for those who have had the experience from DMT especially, try to piece some of your experience to certain things in the bibles of (all) religions and see if they relate.

then the science looks at the whole, trying to find what is right after all. only, when they cant see it, it doesn't exist. so they dont bother looking at something that cant provide a physical answer. yet, from their experience i struggle to understand why that hasnt changed already.

the further they look into the physical world, the more they realise that they will have to keep looking as they find something new. then on another side they say everything is full of everything else AND that everything is basically made of nothing. these findings alone should have sparked a more spiritual look at things. my guess is that they are afraid because it initially follows religion and the 2 are opposing. what i believe is that the 2 come from misunderstood, or forgotten truths of the original. that 'original' is what i hope to find and to find it i think we must look into that emptiness not to find anything physical, but to just be aware of the things that exist that our 5 senses aren't attuned to.

they say everything is infinitely possible, so looking for 1 truth will never be fully accomplished. they have to accept that there is just many different options and all are true..

i first took to marijuana then to pure crystalline mdma over this time. especially on mdma i had some profound experiences which have been ignored, with ppl saying things like, 'thats nothing' 'iv done more' 'iv seen more' but it would seem they have huge egos and think that cos they took more they are better at it. just on the mdma i had my questions answered. i saw things for how they are at that level. i became so seperated at times, coming up that i lost control of my limbs, not in a bad way either, i was there, in my head and could think and just barely talk. my libs were just halted as i could affect there movement. my friend started moving my arms, then even my head into different positions, i felt the lot but they would go where he wanted and i couldn't stop it. it actually felt great, i managed to regain control after some serious focus and was able to go in and out over the course of the night at will, never leaving my body but closing down any control to my limbs. and just been an awareness behind my eyelids. i saw sacred geometry pulsate to the beat in clouds of smoke at a club. the music played a big part fo me. i saw how it seemed to manipulate the physical world around.

there is more but moving on to the apparent comedown., i didnt get one, my friends continually warned of this dredded comedown and for me it never happened. i felt great since and changed my life around rapidly by simply been more positive and loving on a daily basis, not letting anything bring me down. i did struggle the following few night getting to sleep but that was just simply not getting tired. one bad lucid dream from it that showed me some part of my life in a scary surreal way,after waking i wrote it down, understood it and realised i just had to see it in such a way to get that full meaning. greatness since.

there has been more waking experiences that iv had since, just while going about my day, i dont fear this, it has many descriptions, but i know im not going insane, its just that im more aware in my opinion and seeing things that 'arent there' is actually just seeing everything. i cant wait to take dmt and ayahuasca to become even more aware. if you havent got it by now, i do believe that what we get to see from these things is a big step in the direction we need to be taking as a species.

i am only doing what i think is nesasary to move on in life. and i dont think anyone could argue with that.
i do apologise for probably countless spelling mistakes, and the very long post which didnt really serve any purposs toward DMT. i just wanted to let ppl know what has gotten me here, where i am heading, and how i want to get there. DMT i think is that next step. i have never posted on threads so plz no hate and scare me away from it. it would be great if others could post their experiences and their beliefs as it would be great to see im not alone. also suggestions and advice on anything would be great.

if you managed to read it all, i do apreciate it and thankyou

 

[Tranquil]

Hello, Casper-92

Welcome to the Nexus.

First of all, I wanted to convey my condolences on the loss of your mother.

I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, for about a decade, I considered myself an atheist, and materialist. I had come out of a fundamentalist religious upbringing and that left me with a less than positive view of the Biblical god and monotheistic religions in general. It wasn't until I began my journey of the exploration of inner space by way of psilocybin truffles and mushrooms, cannabis, MDMA, and finally DMT, that I realized just how limiting and close minded my beliefs were. I really appreciate all the advancements science has made for humanity, and that it serves as an important and useful tool to expand our knowledge of our planet and the universe, but I agree that it simply scratches the surface of what we know. The more we learn, the more we see just little we actually do know. I have found that many scientists/materialists can be just as close minded as religious fundamentalists to other ideas and schools of thought regarding our reality and the unexplainable.

I do not believe that religion itself has the answers, And my experiences with mind manifesting tools like DMT, never left me with the feeling that religions per se, can even come close to having the answers to the questions I found there. But I have found myself becoming more spiritual, in a sense, although that word is inaccurate and falls short in describing my frame of mind.

I really enjoyed my experience with pure crystalline MDMA, I did not take a large dose, so it wasn't psychedelic, but It gave me with a wonderful feeling of connection and bonding with those around me. I also did not experience a negative ''come-down'' either....I was simply left with a wonderful warm memory of the experience.

I don't think you should fear being scared away from this community I highly recommend that you to read the Attitude Page - DMT-Nexus Wiki if you haven't done so already, if you follow those guidelines when posting, then you'll have a clear idea of what to expect and what is expected from each member here.

Many have posted their experiences with DMT, I encourage you too look around and read, read, read. I also have a lot to learn from this community as well. Feel free to share more of thoughts here with us.

We are all just fellow travelers, some with much more experience than others, and some just starting out. Ultimately, we are often left with more questions than answers, but that is the intriguing part of the human experience.

Pleasant journey to you, and peace.
-Tranquil

 

[casper-92-]

thankyou for your words tranquil.

i came to this place hoping to find that what iv started to believe even without these things, actually matches up to what people trying them have found. that for me gives it a more solid foundation. because then it is the same findings from 2 perspectives. i am now only just moving into the world of actually having the experience, i dont seek a definitive answer, for i know it can never truly be found, only more answers and more questions. which really does make this a true journey. and one i am eager to share.

 

[AlbertKLloyd]

did the death of a loved one play a role in your search for religious truth or meaning?

It commonly does, sometimes it has the reverse effect a religious person will lose someone and become an atheist

not saying that is the case; but there is nothing like the epiphany of mortality to make us think twice about existence

 

[casper-92-]

did the death of a loved one play a role in your search for religious truth or meaning?

It commonly does, sometimes it has the reverse effect a religious person will lose someone and become an atheist

not saying that is the case; but there is nothing like the epiphany of mortality to make us think twice about existence

certainly i would say, it played a part, adding to my already curious mind., amungst other things, im tired of a world filled with hate and greed.

through research, my religion has become one based on all, the further u look, it seems that all came from one common place. i dont wish to say there is a god or that there isnt, and that it resembles anything from any religious view, i believe all have stemmed from something deeper and gotton lost along the way, civilisations spreading apart with different languages amongst other things. it becomes clear that the whole history has become a giant game of Chinese whispers.

i seek to find who set it off.