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A bit about myself and why I'm here.

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Opiyum

Opiyum

Rising Star
First of all to anyone reading this I want to thank you for taking your time to do so and I'd like to thank everyone here for all they have contributed to this place. It is a very special place and has done a great deal for me and others I'm sure. I'll take a moment to explain exactly what it is that this forum has done for me and I will try to refrain from any more ass kissing.
So...I'm 27 years old and have been altering my perception with drugs since I was twelve years old. Up until I was 16 it was all very harmless experimentation with alcohol, weed, mushrooms, LSD, ecstacy (god knows what it actually was, GHB, NO2 and whatever else came across the table. At 16 I was introduced to opioids. I started with Hydromorphone, Fentanyl and Oxycodone. They quickly had a powerful grip over me and for the most part all other drugs went out the window. On my 18th birthday I had graduated high school and had moved out of my parents house and on that night I was introduced to Heroin and I never looked back. It was cheaper and stronger and lasted longer and by twenty I was totally out of control. I decided it was time to stop so I moved a few hundred miles away to play in a band and I, because of my location, went through a terrible cold turkey kick. I stayed clean for a few months and then started drinking after shows. This lead to smoking weed and then I made a friend in a homeless meth cook. I was living in a squat with him cooking meth and this is when I was introduced to the needle. I had a four month run with meth and couldn't take that anymore and moved back home. I liked sleep too much and didn't like what meth had done to me and swore it off (if only I could do that with opiates. So as soon as I got home I started shooting dope (heroin) and got on maintenance meds and have been doing both of those things up until march of this year. I was arrested and went to jail and experienced the worst three days of my life in a holding cell with thirty other men more dopesick than I had ever been before and when I got out I knew I had to face this problem, after getting well of course. So I went to detox and rehab (for the first time in my life) and now have thirty three days clean (which would be three months but I did relapse).
To keep this from getting too long Ill hurry up a bit. Prior to getting arrested I was in the process of going to Mexico to try Ibogaine out. I had the money, the passport and the appointment made. Getting arrested ruined all that. I have been learning everything I could about all drugs, mostly opiates and psychedelics, over the last 6 years and even in my active addiction still used psychedelics here and there. So upon getting out of rehab and coming I had decided to finally try extracting and using DMT and Mescaline to see if they could help me in my recovery. Yes technically I don't have the clean time that I claim but I don't view these types of drugs in that way. I have always used them responsibly and have never had any obssesive thoughts towards them. I don't think they fit into the model of addiction.
So using the information I found here I began making DMT and Mescaline and have had some successes. The DMT I haven't found to be all that therapeutic. It did help me get through a craving by somehow reseting my brain. It was an intense craving and 340 minutes after my dose I was no longer concerned with copping. The mescaline, of which I have only done twice in the last two months, was very profound. The first trip was very introspective and actually brought me too tears. It wasn't a bad trip but I was facing certain truths that I wasn't comfortable with but it was stuff I needed to look at. The second was very euphoric and didn't give me any insights to my addiction, but that's not necessarily what I expect from every trip nor is it less worthwhile if I don't reflect on the things I've done in addiction.
I still plan on taking Ibogaine in the future. I still think it may have beneficial qualities even though I'm not taking it to avoid physical withdrawal. I have some Mescaline now but don't plan on taking any for awhile unless I go camping sometimes soon or if I find myself up against a wall. Right now I'm pretty comfortable though.
I have a good deal of DMT freebase and even have a few hundred milligrams of DMT Fumarate and also don't have any use for that right now. I only did the DMT fumurate once. I was a little scared to be using a needle again especially since I had to get a ten pack from the needle exchange because they are by prescription only in the state I live in. The needles didn't trigger me though and the IV experience was far greater than anything I experienced while smoking it.
All in all I am thankful for what both of these compounds have given me and I am trying to live by what they teach me. I was spiritually dead for a long time and I feel that void within me weakening. It's not as overwhelming as it was anymore.

Thanks again for all that you people here have given me. I stop in now and then to see whats going on but I spend most of my time,while on the internet, over at Opiophile.org keeping up with opiate related news and harm reduction and other peoples stories.
I avoid the glorification nowadays.

I've been around here for awhile now but I am very happy to be a contributing member now.
 
Thanks for sharing, you have a talent for writing. I'm always glad to read about how psychedelics help people overcome problems with opiates or alcohol.
 
Thanks man I appreciate that.

I also wanted to add that as far as membership goes it's not something I'm all that worried about. It would be nice to be able to communicate with others here if and when I have questions. I don't see myself asking all that many questions so that's not really an issue. Any questions I have had so far have been answered relatively quickly by using the search engine.
Unless there is an Opioid forum here I don't think I would have much to add or say that others here don't already know better than I. I'm most certainly a novice in this realm. In the real world I don't know and have never met anyone who has close to the knowledge I have when it comes to drugs. I hate talking like that but unfortunately it's very true. So many people out there are taking very powerful drugs, and in large quanities, yet they don't know the first thing about what it is they are putting in their body. It's my opinion that if you think that we have the right to put whatever we want in our bodies without legal repercussions then you should at least do so responsibly and have the self-respect to know what it is you are using. That's a mouthful coming from a guy who was shooting bags of dope cut with god knows what for the last 7 years but after I initially got hooked and started to destroy myself I took it upon myself to try to do the best I could with the demon that hot a hold of me.
I practice tolerance control, never shared nor even reused a needle, used wheel filters when IVing pills, tried to always use with someone else present and always had Narcan on hand and took the classes at the needle exchange so I could teach others how to use it. In the last year I even started purifying the dope I got to cut down on adulterants. Even having been through all that pain and suffering and all the grief and despair I still think it was my right to do so and that I should be allowed the freedom to fail.
Well I'm getting off track here. In any case yes membership would be nice at some point also for the fact that I would then be allowed the opportunity to get to know some of you better. That's always a good thing.
That's about all I got for now.
 
I also wanted to add that as far as membership goes it's not something I'm all that worried about.


Hello and RIGHT ON
Its a shame it had to come to this because of nubes/trools ect that additional rules have been implemented here at the NEXUS.
If I had to go thru this crap I would have said same as you but I proubly would not even have bothered trying to become a member.
I would read the forms and learn and go about my way because no one can tell me anything and I think rank and judgement are all BULLSHIT.

Unfortinuatley
Just like our mothers told us as children a few bad apples have spoiled it for the rest of us.

Now none can play without permission slip.

If it was me I would have cut that day at school to read a Carl Sagan book in the woods.

Formalities and conformation are one of the weak links in the Human Mind.

If we all had personal responsibility the issue would be NULL

Maybe someday
revolution and Peace
MV

A BIG THANK YOU to the TRAVELER and all MODs for taking time from there lives to make this wonderful place possible.

I haven read the policy on new membership ect... blab blab.... if I can recommend this individual for membership. I now do so.
 
I wanna retract what I said about not caring about getting membership. I've been coming across a lot of different threads where I had something I would have liked to have said either on the topic of DMT or just general conversation stuff.
I feel pretty limited in the Nursery. I guess kinda the point but it is getting a little frustrating when I go to reply to something or ask a question or verify or clarify something and then I remember that I can't.
I don't know what the average wait time is but it has been two weeks and I just wanted to make it clear that this place is becoming important to me and I stop here everyday and I do truly want to have full membership. I want the full experience. I want to breakthrough so to speak.
 
Hey man yea nice to see u around ive read that post and its like a hard way you have been same here... from shooting ketamine to opiate addiction and even glue inhaling to every kind of nasty shit i have been. was dying to try LSD since i am 12 but could only take my first trip on 18.. and after that my life kinda changed not just about drugs but i ve been to narrow corridors of madness and solved a lot of personality problems and understood a lot about life.. but i always knew LSD was the real thing for me... after that i understood human can respect his existance more than being a sucicidal junkie wasting my health with any random material even drying his own shit to smoke if it will get me high..

But now everything is totally different.. especially after DMT.... and wow Ibogaine i alwaysh wish to try but dont have access and actuallly a bit scared to try.. but just to let you know even for addiction therapies Ibagina was used for caused deaths, u probably know the stories so better be carefull with oyur dosage and stuff...

further than that its good to see u between us ppl.. Listen to ur heart, follow the light and for sure u'll be on the right path..

Peace!
 
Right on Opiyum these first hand experiences of DMT and mescaline helping to mitigate addictive obsessions and urges are essentially what I am interested in, not only do they provide concrete evidence of the psychological benefits of psychedelics they slowly change the misconception of psychedelics in general.

I gotta say congratulations most who were in your position do not keep their heads to stay healthy like you did and now your are doing what you have to to stay clean. I know a few people addicted to alcohol or opiates who I suggested try similar things that you have but you cant force someone into what they arent ready for. Anyway great story look forward to reading your posts and am also glad I can repsond to this one to. :)

Peace and Love
 
Thanks turleman. I feel as though I have hit a wall when it comes to any therapeutic benefits that I could gain from Mescaline and DMT. As I said DMT was never of much help, the mescaline was but in a very subjective way if that makes any sense.
Currently I am not very well off financially because I am now starting to pay for all the things I have neglected for so long but once I do get on my feet I am determined to try Ibogaine in a controlled setting in a clinic somewhere outside of the states. I had the idea to do it myself but I think that would be very irresponsible of me and potentially dangerous.
I'm really interested in some of the derivatives of Ibogaine 18-MC specifically but from what I can tell there are no clinics offering this substance anywhere in the world. Ibogaine is gaining popularity but things like 18-MC are a virtual unknown even though they have the same potential as Ibogaine and without the psychedelic side effect.
My interest is due to the fact that I am still having extremely powerful cravings to use and to be perfectly honest last week one of those cravings did get the better of me. I just couldn't take it anymore and said Fuck it. I just didn't care and knew that one use wasn't going to kill me.
It didn't kill me but I was surprised how much it effected after it was fully out of my system. I wasn't sick by any means but I was very depressed, was yawning a good deal and was not comfortable in my skin by any means. Thankfully I had outpatient to keep my busy that day otherwise I may have turned that one use into two. Talking about it here helped a lot but had it been the weekend I can only imagine what would have happened. I actually went sleepless that night too.
This just shows me that my brain is no where near fully healed. If one use (3bags IVed) could have that much of a hangover effect for a period just over 24 hours than it's clear that my opioid receptors are not yet working properly.

So don't congratulate me yet because I am by no means in a good stable state.
 
It seems that if you are guided to ibogaine than it most certainly has beneficial prospects for you, In shamans drum number 76 2008 there is an article on a bwiti shaman from Gabon who did iboga ceremonies in france on patients suffering from drug addiction, perhaps that would be a good place to start. Also I found this page off of Google http://www.ibogaine.co.uk/options.htm perhaps that is an option, I didn't look into it very much but it seems people are doing this work I would email and convey your story and interest in Ibogaine 18-MC.

I don't know what your using habit was like during heavy use but 3 bags IV'd would likely kill my ass so I think your opiate tolerance is real high and that because of this in the absence of opiates, your brain is not producing very much dopamine unless you use which releases a ton. Once that use is over you go from lots of dopamine to almost none so the hangover is gonna be brutal. Essentially for a long time your cravings are gonna be bad, but you can do it, other people have and so can you.

I am interested in exploring more the post which you said DMT reset your brain which caused a cessation of your desire to use, I also wonder if you have tryed ayahuasca, or any other MAOI DMT mixes or whether this conflicts with an SSRI regimen or other anti-depressant regimen. If not you could take the fumarate orally with some harmala and see if this allows a deeper reset. Also If you did have such bad cravings I would probably stop shooting the fumarate it will only create a subconcious desire to use. Like I said you can do it. You seem like a great guy I sincerely wish you the best of luck. Let me know how it goes.

Peace and Love
 
Nope never tried Ayahuasca but do have an interest in it and have been thinking about getting a vine of my own.
The time that I took DMT and it seemed to help me through a little bit of an obsession running through my head but I tried another time and it actually made the situation worse. Once I was finally back to baseline I became really anxious. Even more so that I was prior to dosing.
The first time when it did help It was one of my first three hits of DMT ever and I went for a walk down the forest trail by my house and found a nice quiet spot and had a beautiful experience. The second time I went into expecting a certain result and did so sitting on the couch in my apartment. I was trying to control the experience and it endeed up being pretty nightmarish but I learned my lesson.

The idea of using DMT to combat my cravings is not very smart anyhow. That is something I need to work on myself. I don't need to start relying on it because what happens when it isn't there. Mescaline, DMT, mushrooms and anything else is only going to be a tool for soulsearching, for spirituality and sometimes recreation. Just to feel something more real than real.
The only thing I see of being directly related to me and my recovery and treatment would be 18-MC or Ibogaine. Two compounds I will probably never have the oppurtunity to try out.
 
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