Valmar
Esteemed member
So... I had finished a reduction of my Aya brew, the Chacruna in another pot, halfway done. I poured the still hot brew in the large glass container I had also used for Dagger's incredibly efficient herbal percolation... and then, once most of the brew was in, the bottom cracked from the heat and the brew flooded everywhere... I cursed very loudly, because I barely had any of the Ayahuasca brew left. 
In a childish outburst of irrational anger and utter frustration, enraged, I threw all of the remaining both brews down the sink, even as my spirit guides tried to calm me down, but I was too far gone in the lava of my emotions... the only time I really started to listen to what they were trying to say was when my tiger spirit bluntly said that I was being incredibly childish... that hit home, hard, and I fumed for a while, silently, as I realized that's exactly how I had acted...
After my spirit guides gradually calmed me down, I realized that I have a significant deal more unresolved anger and frustration buried within, than I had thought. It is all so fragilly kept in check, barely controlled under the surface... rather like the hot brew of my emotions barely contained within my house of glass of an ego, as a rather synchronistic analogy, perhaps. Perhaps that's why I struggle to think clearly and sometimes really struggle to hear my thoughts even in dead quietness... I've bottled these emotions up for far too long, and so, the wrong triggers cause me to explode when my meager willpower is overwhelmed. And I can think of a number of triggers off the top of my head... religion, namely, Christianity, being one of the worst.
I try to be calm and thoughtful, but that's the mask that I present to world, isn't it? Hence, my Shadow is bitter, furious, frustrated, unchecked anger without any reason whatsoever. And only now have I realized how deep it goes. I can't look at that part of me for too long without drowning in it.
A bit later after that, my spirit guides told me that I could have still saved the situation by doing another percolation with another container... and that I still can, by carefully brewing both again in a short time, paying attention to what I've learned from this experience.
But, I think I'll try it again next weekend... as I don't have enough water, now. I might have had, if I hadn't thrown out the Chacruna brew.
Oh well, I live and learn... and my emotional outburst has now resulted in an awful headache.
As for my unresolved emotions... well, seeing a properly certified hypnotist, followed by an Ayahuasca ceremony once I get home, might help a lot in that area.
In a childish outburst of irrational anger and utter frustration, enraged, I threw all of the remaining both brews down the sink, even as my spirit guides tried to calm me down, but I was too far gone in the lava of my emotions... the only time I really started to listen to what they were trying to say was when my tiger spirit bluntly said that I was being incredibly childish... that hit home, hard, and I fumed for a while, silently, as I realized that's exactly how I had acted...
After my spirit guides gradually calmed me down, I realized that I have a significant deal more unresolved anger and frustration buried within, than I had thought. It is all so fragilly kept in check, barely controlled under the surface... rather like the hot brew of my emotions barely contained within my house of glass of an ego, as a rather synchronistic analogy, perhaps. Perhaps that's why I struggle to think clearly and sometimes really struggle to hear my thoughts even in dead quietness... I've bottled these emotions up for far too long, and so, the wrong triggers cause me to explode when my meager willpower is overwhelmed. And I can think of a number of triggers off the top of my head... religion, namely, Christianity, being one of the worst.
I try to be calm and thoughtful, but that's the mask that I present to world, isn't it? Hence, my Shadow is bitter, furious, frustrated, unchecked anger without any reason whatsoever. And only now have I realized how deep it goes. I can't look at that part of me for too long without drowning in it.
A bit later after that, my spirit guides told me that I could have still saved the situation by doing another percolation with another container... and that I still can, by carefully brewing both again in a short time, paying attention to what I've learned from this experience.
But, I think I'll try it again next weekend... as I don't have enough water, now. I might have had, if I hadn't thrown out the Chacruna brew.
Oh well, I live and learn... and my emotional outburst has now resulted in an awful headache.
As for my unresolved emotions... well, seeing a properly certified hypnotist, followed by an Ayahuasca ceremony once I get home, might help a lot in that area.
