There have been moments that i seriously considered killing myself. The pain of life had become unbearable for me. The thought of ending it was considerably less painfull, than the idea that it would just go on like that.

The reason why i didn't kill myself, was because there where other options left.

If there are no other options available anymore, to end the pain, then i cannot Judge you for doing what you think you have to. But as long as there's a way out of this, other than killing yourself, even if it would be a just a scaringly narrow little path along a gaping cliff, you'd be a stupid fool for not taking that path.

And i'll tell you why:

If committing suicide in your case, realy would be the best thing to do, then that option will simply, still be available if you choose that narrow little path. However, if you'd choose to end your life, while actually, that narrow little path is realy the best way out for you, you cannot go back.