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A fork in the road of the consciousness - An introduction

thatpotatoguy

thatpotatoguy

Rising Star
Hello travelers,

My whole life has been a long ineffable dream. Both euphoric and equally dysphoric. I was born almost three months premature. Because of my early birth, I have some minor abnormalities with my body. As far as I remember I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attack Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Seasonal Depression, Chronic Depression, Sensory Integration Disorder, and a heart defect. Because of my many mood and sensory input problems my mental state is constantly fluctuating. I never felt attached to this world, but at the same time I feel I am omnipresent. There is a strong sense of curiosity within me. Since I was a child I would try to figure out how the cosmos and society work. But nothing intrigued me more than the human mind, my mind work. What was the real reality? In every person and in every day I saw a distinct world. Indeed, every miscro-second seemed a lifetime in itself. At night I get maybe an hour or two of sleep. During my fleeting sleep I have active night terrors and other parasomnia. I often run around in my sleep acting out lucid nightmares and dreamscapes. The waking world feels no more real to me than that of a daydream.

Recently, I have recently begun a serious journey into the mind. This is because of a serious of traumatic events rocked my sanity. It all started when I ate 3.5 grams of medical grade Sativa. My only prior entheogenic experiences being wormwood, low dose of salvia, dubs of sativa, synthetic cannabinoids, opiates, etc. An hour after ingestion I started to loose coordination, my pupils were dilated, eyes red as devil's hide, dry mouth, sweating, pulse of 165, blood pressure of 176/135, convulsions and strong hallucinations and closed eye visuals. The effects lasted 12 hours straight. For a week after I was super exhausted and had a pulse rate of 122. I went to the doctor and got an EKG, and it came out normal. From this experience I developed PTSD.

Three weeks later my anxiety got terrible with mild hallucinations, tremors, stomach discomfort, and overwhelming sense that I was about to die. So the doctor gave me lexapro for the anxiety. I took 10mg and it made me drowsy. Six hours later at 11:35pm I woke up from sleep in a strong sweat. My pupils almost completely covered my Irises. My veins were bulging in a dramatic way, I was having strong tremors. My head and neck had super intense pain and burning, I had cotton mouth. My whole body was in severe pain, it felt like hot molten mercury was flowing through my veins. So After trying to calm down for a few hours, at 2:05am I arrived at the ER. They told me I had Serotonin Syndrome and had me in a bed until 5:30am. They gave me a Xanax and sent me on my way,

Two weeks go by and I still had insane painful anxiety attacks and chest pain. So I went to my Cardiologist and my heart was fine. So I decided to get rid of the excess anxiety through Zen Meditation, Biofeedback, Neurofeedback, and Sensory Deprivation. As soon as I can control my anxiousness I want to go back to my self-exploration. But even though I've used some substances before I've become more health aware. I'm eating a healthier diet and exercising more. But after the recent strange reaction to Cannabis and an SSRI I'm a little cautious about foraying into psychedelics. I'm not scared of altered states. But, I'm concerned about what they would do to my heart. So, I've ruled out a long lasting trip like Psilocybin or LSD. As well as phenethylamines such as Mescaline. But I am drawn to the short action of smoked DMT freebase. I know a friend who does clean extractions.

So, I guess I'll end this with a question to you well weathered travelers. Would it be relatively safe for me to use DMT on a very spread out manner? I have mild hypertension usually around 130/80-150/90 (but it may just be worry because I often read around 106/60). And my main concern is my heart. I have a mild dilation of the ascending aorta (Ascending aorta - Wikipedia) and mild case of aortic insufficiency. (Aortic regurgitation - Wikipedia). Thanks for reading, and sorry if it was too long. I'm glad to be on this forum because higher states of awareness highly intrigue me.

Best regards,
Thatpotatoguy
 
Hi friend, thanks for the introduction. I was definitely struck with some awe, it sounds as if you are quite knowledgeable as to your own spirituality and that is just amazing. As for your practice of meditations please keep this ongoing as it may be the most valuable tool you have. As for advice on substances I find it impossible to be in any way capable of giving you decent advice, with any substance there are risks, for most with DMT I would warn only of finding out things one may be unwilling to except, or even grandiose delusions at time, though one shouldn't gamble with there health. I would recommend being upfront with a doctor perhaps if you have one you could trust, confidentiality should apply. See if you can find any stories similar to your own. Ask yourself honestly if you feel that you are capable, physically, mentally. Then I would also have to say that many people, certainly ones who understand well things of spiritual nature such as your self, pursue these paths with strict rules against sunstance, perhaps some of the most enlightened. I just have to ask you to take genuine consideration and time to think this through. And please consult someone with experience and then one with professional expertise, as I have neither, but wish you well in lifes journey. I do as well wish to hear more from you on your path.
 
Thanks a lot for your well written and ernest reply. I spoke with Rick Strassman and he said my conditions are "100% contraindicated" for using DMT. But it sounded like Psilocybin even though it lasts long may be less harsh on my body. So After a year or two of drug-free spiritual and psychological examination; I'll check with a cardiologist and a neurologist to determine If using Psilocybin will benefit me more than the harm it may cause.
 
Thanks for the update. That is wonderful you talked to Strassman, if anyone would know best it would have to be him. I hope you the best, I also hope you keep me updated with future endeavors. I have to urge you to keep meditating, try to find stillness, the most you possibly can. Continue researching, and maybe when the possibility arises for Psilocybin, if your physical and mental state are in proper preparation, all could go well. I wish you well in life friend.
 
thatpotatoguy said:
Hello travelers,

of my early birth, I have some minor abnormalities with my body. As far as I remember I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attack Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Seasonal Depression, Chronic Depression, Sensory Integration Disorder, and a heart defect.
Click to expand...

But all those are psychological abnormalities, other than the heart defect.
 
Hi thatpotatoguy. Thanks for the well written introduction. You certainly have a lot going on in your life and I think it's great that you're reaching out and doing research before diving in. Can I ask you some questions prior to providing my feedback to your questions?

1.) You ate 3.5 grams of cannabis? Is that correct? Why did you eat this much cannabis? I'm not judging. This is not a rhetorical question. I really do want to know the reason why.

2.) Did the doctors tell you why you experienced Serotonin Syndrome from a single 10mg dose of Lexapro? Were you taking any other reuptake inhibitors or serotonin agonists at this time?

3.) Why have you decided that you think tryptamines are a better choice than phenethylamines for what you're seeking?

4.) What are you hoping to gain from your experience with whatever substance you decide to move forward with (if you do move forward)?

Hopefully I'm not prying too much. I really do have a valid reason for each of my questions above.


Peace,
-idt
 
1) I ate so much cannabis because, I've been eating a lot of cannabis at that time. I was using it for meditation and such, and kept using higher doses because the effect were more profound. But 3.5 was way too much.
2) The doctor at the ER told me it was serotonin syndrome, and I was on no other medications or drugs within a week of taking the single dose of lexapro
3) I favor tryptamines only because phenethylamines have more of a stimulant profile. Because of my heart, even caffeine can be trouble if I have like 160mg.
4) If I move on I'm hoping to pry further into my self, find some answers, and to help me think. I want to achieve ego death again, because the first time was really a turning point for me. But it was done with a dangerous mix of drugs. At least psychedelics have a somewhat well established safety profile.

Your questions are appreciated, I look forward to your reply.

-TPG
 
Interesting. The Serotonin Syndrome thing really surprises me. If you really have that kind of sensitivity to serotonin I would probably stay away from tryptamines all together, since most of them bind to serotonin receptor sites.

Phenethylamines seem like they would be a safer choice from a psychopharmacological standpoint, but I understand your cardiovascular concerns as well.

I'm not a doctor so don't take any of what I'm saying as professional advice. It most certainly is not. It seems to me that you may be safer just taking a more natural route to consciousness expansion, such as meditation, isolation tanks, etc. Aside from that, like others mentioned, I would suggest finding a knowledgeable doctor that you can trust before you just go experimenting.

Best of luck my friend. Looks like you have some big decisions to make.

Peace,
-idt
 
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