Hello,
With the help of Nemo, the Nexus, changa and the VaporGenie, I have been easing myself back into the spice realms. I have come very close to giving it up completely - even as near as less than a week ago. Sometimes the work seems to be so draining and I start to wonder . . .
I believe I am beginning to learn something about myself and my relation to DMT. Cycles. Cycles. Cycles. And now, Spring and a new cycle approach . . .
I now feel that I can face a breakthrough dose. I am going to ride changa with the VaporGenie all the way into the breakthrough space very soon . . .
Yesterday, I had an extremely positive non-breakthrough experience that resulted in little more than a memory of an exquisitely beautiful, indescribable, endlessly layered, endlessly varying, pulsating pattern, vaguely like (yet unlike) the Mandlebrot set in its nature yet also inherently feminine in its shape. Each layer radiated vibrancy, beauty, life and energy.
Today, I thought I might be able to try for a breakthrough. I did a bit of pre-dosing for me, which definately opens the doors but does not induce visual effects. Visuals seem to take a decent dose, though once I am there, oh boy. So, I went in with DMT already in my brain and took two decent GVG hits on my 1/2 strength (coward's blend) changa . . . and lay back.
Immediately greeted by flashy, in-your-face entities, neon colored with a black background. But, they were cat entities. For me, a crazy cat-lady, this is a very, very welcoming sign. I went through a struggle where I had to pull out about 1/2 of my difficult-tripping tactics repetoire. But, the flashy, pushy, kitties, kept sending welcoming vibes and tried to lead me through an entryway. Once I got through my concerns fell by the wayside, as did the kitties. This was not a breakthrough but it was hectic DMT visuals.
There was a living, cartoon-like building. It was a building, but also a body, with arms, legs and a smiling face. There was some sort of unremberable entity standing at the base of this building. The building welcomed me into itself, but not via a door or window. Rather, via opening an exterior corner. Think of the outside of a building where the walls meet to form a protruding right angle. Think of this opening up inwardly and all of the sharp angles going round. Upon entering the building I was immediately shown the same pattern as the previous night - the endlessly layered, fantastically intricate and beautiful pattern, though this time it was not in the shape of a woman. Then, the scene changed.
I believe this is because the music changed. A flute-heavy selection came on and I was in a deep blue space where a building was being constructed by the flute music. It was spinning itself into being. In front of this building, which I sensed was some sort of theater or playhouse, were small, playful entities. They held little playbills or maps with spinning, ever-changing (as the building was) images of the building on them. They kept trying to show me these "maps." This worked and I lost my attention on the building. Soon, I felt this scene becoming 2-D and pale and my perspective floated above it.
I never felt completely launched from my body, but I did feel myself return to control of my breathing, which actually felt very comfortable for almost all of the experience. Either comfortable or forgotten. Delightful.
Coming out of that, I felt I was not yet ready for the breakthrough dose. "It's so intense in there," I said to Nemo Amicus. Soon though, . . . soon. . . .
Thank you everyone for your invaluable help and support.
Peace & Love,
Pandora
With the help of Nemo, the Nexus, changa and the VaporGenie, I have been easing myself back into the spice realms. I have come very close to giving it up completely - even as near as less than a week ago. Sometimes the work seems to be so draining and I start to wonder . . .
I believe I am beginning to learn something about myself and my relation to DMT. Cycles. Cycles. Cycles. And now, Spring and a new cycle approach . . .
I now feel that I can face a breakthrough dose. I am going to ride changa with the VaporGenie all the way into the breakthrough space very soon . . .
Yesterday, I had an extremely positive non-breakthrough experience that resulted in little more than a memory of an exquisitely beautiful, indescribable, endlessly layered, endlessly varying, pulsating pattern, vaguely like (yet unlike) the Mandlebrot set in its nature yet also inherently feminine in its shape. Each layer radiated vibrancy, beauty, life and energy.
Today, I thought I might be able to try for a breakthrough. I did a bit of pre-dosing for me, which definately opens the doors but does not induce visual effects. Visuals seem to take a decent dose, though once I am there, oh boy. So, I went in with DMT already in my brain and took two decent GVG hits on my 1/2 strength (coward's blend) changa . . . and lay back.
Immediately greeted by flashy, in-your-face entities, neon colored with a black background. But, they were cat entities. For me, a crazy cat-lady, this is a very, very welcoming sign. I went through a struggle where I had to pull out about 1/2 of my difficult-tripping tactics repetoire. But, the flashy, pushy, kitties, kept sending welcoming vibes and tried to lead me through an entryway. Once I got through my concerns fell by the wayside, as did the kitties. This was not a breakthrough but it was hectic DMT visuals.
There was a living, cartoon-like building. It was a building, but also a body, with arms, legs and a smiling face. There was some sort of unremberable entity standing at the base of this building. The building welcomed me into itself, but not via a door or window. Rather, via opening an exterior corner. Think of the outside of a building where the walls meet to form a protruding right angle. Think of this opening up inwardly and all of the sharp angles going round. Upon entering the building I was immediately shown the same pattern as the previous night - the endlessly layered, fantastically intricate and beautiful pattern, though this time it was not in the shape of a woman. Then, the scene changed.
I believe this is because the music changed. A flute-heavy selection came on and I was in a deep blue space where a building was being constructed by the flute music. It was spinning itself into being. In front of this building, which I sensed was some sort of theater or playhouse, were small, playful entities. They held little playbills or maps with spinning, ever-changing (as the building was) images of the building on them. They kept trying to show me these "maps." This worked and I lost my attention on the building. Soon, I felt this scene becoming 2-D and pale and my perspective floated above it.
I never felt completely launched from my body, but I did feel myself return to control of my breathing, which actually felt very comfortable for almost all of the experience. Either comfortable or forgotten. Delightful.
Coming out of that, I felt I was not yet ready for the breakthrough dose. "It's so intense in there," I said to Nemo Amicus. Soon though, . . . soon. . . .
Thank you everyone for your invaluable help and support.
Peace & Love,
Pandora
