It's been at least a couple of days since coming back to my essay page.  Again I want to thank you all for the nice welcomes. 

  I have spent the last few days doing extensive reading here.  So much so, my wife has called me obsessive.  I tried to explain; it isn't the DMT I am obsessing about but the Break Through.  Obsessing about DMT would be like a kid going to Disney World and obsessing about the car that takes you there.  I tried to explain, it's Disney World I am interested in not the car.  I think she is getting it...

  I met and married my wife who is now 69 yrs old (cougar) many years after my active interest/involvement with LSD (in particular).  She was married with children in 1961 and never even saw the margins of the 60's movement, except from in front of the TV.

  As you can imagine, it is hard explaining metaphorically or even anecdotally.  After 20+ years or trying to open her mind to my experiences, she is finally grasping why I would ever want to "go there" again (thanks to alot of what is written here).  It seems "you guys" are way better at this than I am.  She is actually quite supportive as she senses what my needs are in contemplating a DMT experience.  She actually has initiated many conversations these last days wondering how I am going to integrate my DMT experience into my life & how long this learning curve is going to be.

  She is definitely not a candidate for for any psychelelic (unless of course a kaleidscope qualifies as a psychedelic).  I think these last couple of days she has felt I am pushing towards something she essentailly can't be a part of.  I have emphasised the importance of a sitter & how much I will depend on her to be there with me.

  Forgive me if my writing doesn't flow well and I get tangental ( I am working whilst I whistle) and forget where I was when I come back.

  I am a little disheartened after spending so much time reading.  I am going to be really Pi$$ed if I have come to this "new discovery" only to realize I am going to be far too challenged technically to ever do an extraction.  Before I read teks I figured it couldn't be harder than isomerizing hash oil and hoped no harder than doing an hash oil extraction.  This won't be the first time I ever made "the horse push the cart", I ought to be used to it.

  I only have one "old friend" that has ever done DMT.  He got several doses in Belgium (for like 2 bucks), while on the 1972 Grateful Dead's Europe Tour.  He warned me against trying to do an extraction and told me I was better off if I just followed the music.  He also warned that there is alot of "bad stuff" making it's rounds (MDMA in particular).

  I am not sure what to do, except I am not ready to jump the DMT ship yet.  I live in the rural extremes and the nearest juke box is 40 miles away, but I am thinkin' that wasn't the music he was refering to.  Down near Woodstock there is an annual music festival (Mountain Jam) hosted by Warren Haynes (Govt. Mule) with the likes of Allman Bros., Phish, Phil Lesh & Friends, Levon Helm, Allison Krauss, etc. Four days long, with 50 or so "big stage bands".  So I will make sure this next year's event is in my sights.

  Again so sorry for such a disjointed post....This is a perfect place to scream YADAYADAYADA...