Neuronaut
Rising Star
My third trip was a hard one, but it was one that needed to happen.
I was given something to put under my tongue, and my fellow travelers and I sat around for a couple of minutes talking and waiting for it to take effect.
I felt excited about this journey, and it was an epic one, but not for the reasons I had hoped.
I took a really long pull from the pipe, and laid back, proud that I had gotten more than I had ever before.
Surely a breakthrough was imminent.
I exhaled and my body felt heavier than it ever had before. I was worried about this, but moved forward.
I found myself in a hallway where the patterns on the walls shifted in shape and color. I walked down hall after hall never seeing into any rooms. Soon, the colors turned up the intensity in terms of color and how much they changed shape and the hallway broke apart, revealing a beautiful, well-tended garden. Everything not organic was the shape of what it was supposed to be (chairs, tables, etc), but made of the same twisting changing substance that textured the walls.
The beings in the garden were the same way, detail-less, but made of ever-shifting, ever-changing patterns. Then I felt pulled down, like the heaviness of my body had caught up with me and soon the world was black and gray. Nothing moved here in the basement. No shifting, nothing organic, all the pieces that made up this dungeon I found myself in, were straight and regimented.
It was a land where everything was forced into shape.
I got very anxious and tried to pull myself up out of it, and I did it, putting myself back in the hallway. As willed myself forward to find the garden, I think that intent, the desire to break through damned me.
I was pulled back into the basement and I couldn’t go up. I let myself get pulled through the black and gray world. There was a force coaxing me deeper into the black.
I let it.
Finally, I saw something; a large serpent with frills just behind the back of the head flew over me. I wonder, now, if maybe the frills were feathers and my mind was channeling Quetzalcoatl.
I forced myself to stop and turned around to follow the serpent out. I lost the serpent, but found myself back into the world of color and reached the garden again, but before I could interact with anyone or anything, I was pulled back into the basement, where I spent the rest of my experience trying to force myself out of it.
It was a hard experience. I kept reliving past failures and mistakes. Or I’d get caught up in the petty bullshit that we accumulate in our lives and it kept making the world darker and grayer. Why couldn’t I let that stuff go? Why is it so heavy?
As I said, this was a hard one, but failure is an excellent teacher.
I learned that whatever the universe wants to do with me, I’ll find out on its schedule, not mine, and that, like I said in my very first post, breaking through is not an achievement to brag about, nor is it some useless bauble I can earn or buy, it comes when you’re ready.
I tried to force it, and hoped that prior experience and some pre-conceptions I had inadvertently formed would see me through and they didn’t. Whatever is there, waiting for us in Hyperspace, has a say in this, and I’ve heard that before, but now I actually know it.
As bad as this was, I can’t wait to get back and see what’s next for me, another transcendent experience or another harsh lesson where I’m broken to be made better?
I need to learn to get out of my own way.
I was given something to put under my tongue, and my fellow travelers and I sat around for a couple of minutes talking and waiting for it to take effect.
I felt excited about this journey, and it was an epic one, but not for the reasons I had hoped.
I took a really long pull from the pipe, and laid back, proud that I had gotten more than I had ever before.
Surely a breakthrough was imminent.
I exhaled and my body felt heavier than it ever had before. I was worried about this, but moved forward.
I found myself in a hallway where the patterns on the walls shifted in shape and color. I walked down hall after hall never seeing into any rooms. Soon, the colors turned up the intensity in terms of color and how much they changed shape and the hallway broke apart, revealing a beautiful, well-tended garden. Everything not organic was the shape of what it was supposed to be (chairs, tables, etc), but made of the same twisting changing substance that textured the walls.
The beings in the garden were the same way, detail-less, but made of ever-shifting, ever-changing patterns. Then I felt pulled down, like the heaviness of my body had caught up with me and soon the world was black and gray. Nothing moved here in the basement. No shifting, nothing organic, all the pieces that made up this dungeon I found myself in, were straight and regimented.
It was a land where everything was forced into shape.
I got very anxious and tried to pull myself up out of it, and I did it, putting myself back in the hallway. As willed myself forward to find the garden, I think that intent, the desire to break through damned me.
I was pulled back into the basement and I couldn’t go up. I let myself get pulled through the black and gray world. There was a force coaxing me deeper into the black.
I let it.
Finally, I saw something; a large serpent with frills just behind the back of the head flew over me. I wonder, now, if maybe the frills were feathers and my mind was channeling Quetzalcoatl.
I forced myself to stop and turned around to follow the serpent out. I lost the serpent, but found myself back into the world of color and reached the garden again, but before I could interact with anyone or anything, I was pulled back into the basement, where I spent the rest of my experience trying to force myself out of it.
It was a hard experience. I kept reliving past failures and mistakes. Or I’d get caught up in the petty bullshit that we accumulate in our lives and it kept making the world darker and grayer. Why couldn’t I let that stuff go? Why is it so heavy?
As I said, this was a hard one, but failure is an excellent teacher.
I learned that whatever the universe wants to do with me, I’ll find out on its schedule, not mine, and that, like I said in my very first post, breaking through is not an achievement to brag about, nor is it some useless bauble I can earn or buy, it comes when you’re ready.
I tried to force it, and hoped that prior experience and some pre-conceptions I had inadvertently formed would see me through and they didn’t. Whatever is there, waiting for us in Hyperspace, has a say in this, and I’ve heard that before, but now I actually know it.
As bad as this was, I can’t wait to get back and see what’s next for me, another transcendent experience or another harsh lesson where I’m broken to be made better?
I need to learn to get out of my own way.
