Tranquil
Rising Star
Hello Nexus,
There were many years where I spent my life within an indoctrinated closed mind. From birth until my twenties, I was trapped by a fundamentalist christian religious upbringing. I was, however, genetically predisposed to asking why and questioning my parents about the things they taught that struck me as contradictory or illogical. My predilection for questioning is what helped free me from years of brainwashing. I mention this because I feel it is relevant for you to know this aspect of my background and upbringing, to understand better where where I come from.
When I first started questioning my world view as I knew it and understood it, I embarked on a progressive transformation of my own subjective knowledge of reality, and that has given me one of the most important lessons I've learned so far. I experienced what it was like to have my entire world, as I knew it - shattered, obliterated. The second time I experienced this was with my first experience with psilocybin, which showed me the many different facets of ''reality''. During that trip, I became disturbed at the recurring thought that what I was experiencing was actually reality and that my ''real'' life was a well constructed hallucination. In the beginning of the experience with psilocybe truffles I saw incredibly fast moving closed-eye imagery that did not seem to originate from inside my brain but came from somewhere else entirely, it was so alien, so new to me, there was not one single feeling of familiarity, not even subconsciously. I felt that there was no way that I was making the intricately detailed alien visuals I was seeing. There had been nothing I have seen/watched or read that came close to what I saw while in inner space. I also experienced what I felt was akin to death - I felt that my body was dying but my consciousness was continuing on. The experience should have been terrifying but I felt that it was simply a natural transition to another state of consciousness. As I was coming back, seeing interesting visual alterations , I felt the utmost love and peace. I've never felt love like that before. I felt how connected I was to everything and everyone. It was, for me, wonderful.
A little about me: I'm a female, in my late 30's. I'm shy, introverted, quiet and an observer. I'm empathetic, compassionate and rely on my intuition, but also reason. I'm an egalitarian, humanist, and naturalist at heart, and feel that animals are not beneath humans, and relate to anarchism more so than any other political stand/belief.
My most favourite place to be as a child was by myself in nature. I felt a part of it, of everything. I have carried the universe in my mind since I was a teenager- the big blackness of space filled with galaxies, stars, nebulae, star systems with planets. Trying to imagine the vast limitless of space used to leave me reeling and so infinitely tiny and insignificant, and it still does, but now I feel part of it, and not so utterly alone. I'm fascinated with paranormal phenomena, the belief in auras, astral projecting / OBE's, chakras, and some aspects of Buddhism (not the religious part so much).
I have had two experiences with DMT & Harmalas, several with psylocibin truffles and Golden Teachers Mushrooms, and I also smoke cannabis, but usually just one joint at night.
I am working on learning to meditate more effectively. I am learning so many new ideas and theories about life, death, our physical reality, that has also been a catalyst to me changing my personal feelings about atheism, and now am much more open to new theories about our material reality and our universe. I have been a lurker/reader here for many months. My husband is a (well respected) member here and has been for about a year and a half. I've been curious to join, but felt reluctant because I felt/feel inadequate, ignorant and out of my league. I decided to just stop letting my feelings of uselessness keep me from finally making an account.I have so much to learn, and am looking forward to doing just that. I don't have much to share by the way of knowledge or experience, but what I can contribute, I will. I am looking forward to getting to know the people here, and to continue my journey of learning with entheogens and from others knowledge, wisdom and experience.
There were many years where I spent my life within an indoctrinated closed mind. From birth until my twenties, I was trapped by a fundamentalist christian religious upbringing. I was, however, genetically predisposed to asking why and questioning my parents about the things they taught that struck me as contradictory or illogical. My predilection for questioning is what helped free me from years of brainwashing. I mention this because I feel it is relevant for you to know this aspect of my background and upbringing, to understand better where where I come from.
When I first started questioning my world view as I knew it and understood it, I embarked on a progressive transformation of my own subjective knowledge of reality, and that has given me one of the most important lessons I've learned so far. I experienced what it was like to have my entire world, as I knew it - shattered, obliterated. The second time I experienced this was with my first experience with psilocybin, which showed me the many different facets of ''reality''. During that trip, I became disturbed at the recurring thought that what I was experiencing was actually reality and that my ''real'' life was a well constructed hallucination. In the beginning of the experience with psilocybe truffles I saw incredibly fast moving closed-eye imagery that did not seem to originate from inside my brain but came from somewhere else entirely, it was so alien, so new to me, there was not one single feeling of familiarity, not even subconsciously. I felt that there was no way that I was making the intricately detailed alien visuals I was seeing. There had been nothing I have seen/watched or read that came close to what I saw while in inner space. I also experienced what I felt was akin to death - I felt that my body was dying but my consciousness was continuing on. The experience should have been terrifying but I felt that it was simply a natural transition to another state of consciousness. As I was coming back, seeing interesting visual alterations , I felt the utmost love and peace. I've never felt love like that before. I felt how connected I was to everything and everyone. It was, for me, wonderful.
A little about me: I'm a female, in my late 30's. I'm shy, introverted, quiet and an observer. I'm empathetic, compassionate and rely on my intuition, but also reason. I'm an egalitarian, humanist, and naturalist at heart, and feel that animals are not beneath humans, and relate to anarchism more so than any other political stand/belief.
My most favourite place to be as a child was by myself in nature. I felt a part of it, of everything. I have carried the universe in my mind since I was a teenager- the big blackness of space filled with galaxies, stars, nebulae, star systems with planets. Trying to imagine the vast limitless of space used to leave me reeling and so infinitely tiny and insignificant, and it still does, but now I feel part of it, and not so utterly alone. I'm fascinated with paranormal phenomena, the belief in auras, astral projecting / OBE's, chakras, and some aspects of Buddhism (not the religious part so much).
I have had two experiences with DMT & Harmalas, several with psylocibin truffles and Golden Teachers Mushrooms, and I also smoke cannabis, but usually just one joint at night.
I am working on learning to meditate more effectively. I am learning so many new ideas and theories about life, death, our physical reality, that has also been a catalyst to me changing my personal feelings about atheism, and now am much more open to new theories about our material reality and our universe. I have been a lurker/reader here for many months. My husband is a (well respected) member here and has been for about a year and a half. I've been curious to join, but felt reluctant because I felt/feel inadequate, ignorant and out of my league. I decided to just stop letting my feelings of uselessness keep me from finally making an account.I have so much to learn, and am looking forward to doing just that. I don't have much to share by the way of knowledge or experience, but what I can contribute, I will. I am looking forward to getting to know the people here, and to continue my journey of learning with entheogens and from others knowledge, wisdom and experience.
