mew
huachumancer
I was eighteen when I had been introduced to shamanism by my friend Scott. I had been searching for my spirituality for years until I was seventeen and had my first experience with 4-oh-dmt, psilocybin mushrooms, psilocybe cubensis. The experience was much like the one I’m about to tell you about. Though at the time I couldn’t integrate it with my life and have only recently understood what I went through. I was not prepared as I am now to have such an experience and was left dumbfounded by the lessons and power of it all. I had a lot of issues with Christianity in my life and equally as many issues with psychoactive substances. My current understanding ive built from my experiences is that we are all children of the earth and the earth was made by the divine.
Scott had frequently allowed me to have visionary experiences at his home on the lake. My own home was a party house, an apartment with four teenagers, also on the lake. For the experiences I sought, that environment would be detrimental to my studies. Ayahuasca sessions are learning experiences, the drinker is only a student to the “teacher plant.” On this particular occasion, I was tying the Amazonian brew known as Ayahuasca or Yage. Before attempting this one needs to fortify themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually to the power of this experience, it is known as the most powerful psychedelic known to man.
Ayahuasca combines banisteriopsis caapi, with psychotria viridis (cousin of psychotria ipecac, the emetic medicine we use today to purge poisons, in ayahuasca is it to purge the spiritual and physical poisons, it is also a cousin to coffee and kratom) . The caapi (the vine of souls or rope of the dead) is known as the force; whereas, the psychotria (chacurna or mother of the forest) is known as the light. The light is not necessary; it simply illuminates the power more and brings it clarity. The vine is comprised of harmala alkaloids (also found in passionflower who gets its name from the antidepressive value of these alkaloids), they are beta-carbolines that act as a reversible inhibitor of the monoamine oxidase enzyme (RIMA) in our stomachs (a reversible MAOI, monoamine oxidase inhibitor, modern medicines discontinued antidepressant). The leaf contains double methylated tryptamines. This dimethyltryptamine (DMT) is the only known endogenous psychedelic (endo meaning “within” and genous meaning “to generate”). The RIMA stops the DMT from being broken down and allows it to be ingested orally. Ninety seven percent of all ecosystems and every animal have DMT in them, including you and I. If we did not have this inhibitor we would constantly be in a state of shamanic ecstasy. Interestingly enough, REM sleep is when some of this DMT is secreted into the cerebral fluid in the middle of the brain evoking dreams. By ingesting this compound one enters a waking dream. As long as they have not taken a contraindicated compound right before the Cappi brew is ingested, this experience is one hundred percent safe. By having a prescribed diet one can guarantee safety and doubly fortify themselves (building intent like a sacrifice to the divine).
Having been on a strict diet of mostly white rice, fish, and fresh fruits and having fasted prior to each experience I was ready for my third session of the week, during my second series of drinking. This is the story of my most profound Ayahuasca experience right around my nineteenth birthday.
In a dark place my thoughts raced frantically seeking closure. Trying to remain controlling of my brain, I began to lose this uphill struggle. I cried out, pleading for it to end, only to be silenced by the spirits booming intent. “Be Quiet,” it commanded, implying for my patience. My eyes slid out of focus as I slid to the floor. My back and bottom ominously chilled by the tile on the shower door. My face and front warmed by soothing droplets of peace as the steam further clouded my vision. Water freely trickled into my slack mouth with every breath of vapor filled air. As the world of reality went away, so did my attempts to cease my experience. A molten globule of patterned marble appeared, floating above nothingness. Brightly colored and shifting like a lava lamp, I saw hands protrude like an egg hatching. Following the hands, arms, a gentle face with benevolence radiating from every pore, breasts and a torso now emitted from this gelatinous blobs core. She slipped her flowing digits through my skull, encompassing my mind. Cradling my brain with liquid love she washed me for the divine. My soul now soothed, her job complete, I am ready for my lessons. I lay down, giving up, now on a couch in plaid pajamas. The soft fabric around me and the cushions upon which I rested began to emanate an elfish tone. Reality was pulled from my senses in a crescendo of this lunar note. Like stretching cellophane and ripping through my mind heard this all around. I left my body and floated in space being downloaded new thoughts. Taoism I learned through ego death, experiencing Buddhist’s nirvana. Saddened by my solitude I walked the sun with tongue-leaf flowers, melancholy with the maker, bright orange and yellow all around. My second voyage to the source interrupted by the stretching sound, in the other direction. My chest rises, It gasps for breath, and I hear the noise again. In and out I came and went from this place to the next. So much learned, and having come so far, its hard to know I’ve barely moved. I keep this experience as credence that there is a purpose more than we know. As Momma Aya often says “you monkeys only think you’re running things,” I am reminded of our fallacy. Stewards to nature and learning creatures are all evolution allows. Straying from this path, leads only to destruction. I watched civilizations come and go, rise and fall, born and die, simply by forgetting their purpose and not sharing knowledge. The dimensions above the three we know have many more senses than the five we hold as absolute. Coming back from this dream, life is fresh, everything is a give. Every breath I take I know the true joy of, it takes not having something to know how precious it really is. When you feel like you have died and been reborn, even the most irrelevant stimuli brings the most profound joy. Having lost it all, its so divine to be given it all back again. Life is a gift; ultimately that is the most powerful lesson from this experience and others like it. Forgetting this seems the epitome of sin. We are alive.
During the time that I was in this dream state, it’s incredibly difficult to transcribe the experience to linear texts from telepathic intent. The best I could do would be to describe it in an artistic sense, a poem.
Swirling vortexes of passion and pain
My mother’s arms, holding me again
Pure and earthly, she helps my mind
Washing my soul, with her hands so divine
From my brain the tendrils are taken
Through her lessons I understand my mistakes and
Let the demon of worldly concern
Leave my Self, her work partly adjourned
I no longer cry for help
Eye of the demon, my old worldly dream
Wanting so badly its old reign over me
The vine, she speaks in perfect form
Without words, I understand her and learn
Let go, go on, pass on through
With her help, I certainly do
Going farther than I thought, I ever knew
Nirvana, such peace, I come unto
My ego defeated, departed me
Through the eyes of the spirit I see quite clearly
Until the eternity comes full circle
Looping past infinity
I am reborn without fearing
Once I was washed by the light,
Taught to learn how to fight,
What holds us to our human selves
Condemning the blind to the darkest of hells
Now I’ve seen the other side
It shines through
Evaporating evanescent lies
Impossible now for the truth to hide
Comforted now by confiding to the skies
She waits for those who seek her wisdom
With all ones heart and everything within them
If they dedicate to this heavenly kingdom
It can be found inside every living thing and
I cannot wait to see her again
The picture itself displays Momma Aya in the top left corner coming from the pot of ayahuasca through some skulls that lead into vines symbolizing the vine of the dead or vine of souls. I am holding this pot in one hand and a cup of it in the other. She is reaching through the chaos and emitting a liquid into my open brain as she gently pulls the roots of the worldly demon, the ego, from me. The ego demon can be seen screaming in protest as it dissolves into the steam from the cup I am holding. The leaves and tongues next to Momma Aya are an example of their interchangeability through the experience and my own logic. Leaves are the tongues of plants and Momma Aya can be seen with a leaf tongue. To the right of her shoulder a mushroom with an eye can be seen as the dot of a flaming question mark, this represents my curiosity with enlightenment through mushrooms. Under my legs is a large eye opening, much like gaining awareness. Below my head and above my neck is a leaf, this is a double representation. The first being the thought that our head/ consciousness is a part of nature and the other is a derived image of a being I saw with another ego dissolving experience. I may have become this type of being I had seen earlier as I may have become (or always have been without knowing) the entity I met with my first “magic” mushroom experience I went over a few pages ago. I am holding a cross as well as the cup linking the relevance of the chalice to Christianity, a sacrament. The cross is also green representing nature being intertwined with Christian principles. (I discovered this after the image was created). There is a snake above the eye of the demon that is the world she’s pulling from my head. It is rather geometrically patterned. In these experiences common phenomenons visually speaking, are interactions with the vine goddess (Momma Aya) and a display of serpentine presence. To the indigenous users of this brew the universe is made up of a moving anaconda’s body, much like modern string theory. The patterns they see are a part of the snake’s skin and can be viewed by all who are privy to its existence. There is more in this image that I can only imagine it relevance, and it can be interpreted in countless ways be each individuals aesthetic disposition.
Scott had frequently allowed me to have visionary experiences at his home on the lake. My own home was a party house, an apartment with four teenagers, also on the lake. For the experiences I sought, that environment would be detrimental to my studies. Ayahuasca sessions are learning experiences, the drinker is only a student to the “teacher plant.” On this particular occasion, I was tying the Amazonian brew known as Ayahuasca or Yage. Before attempting this one needs to fortify themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually to the power of this experience, it is known as the most powerful psychedelic known to man.
Ayahuasca combines banisteriopsis caapi, with psychotria viridis (cousin of psychotria ipecac, the emetic medicine we use today to purge poisons, in ayahuasca is it to purge the spiritual and physical poisons, it is also a cousin to coffee and kratom) . The caapi (the vine of souls or rope of the dead) is known as the force; whereas, the psychotria (chacurna or mother of the forest) is known as the light. The light is not necessary; it simply illuminates the power more and brings it clarity. The vine is comprised of harmala alkaloids (also found in passionflower who gets its name from the antidepressive value of these alkaloids), they are beta-carbolines that act as a reversible inhibitor of the monoamine oxidase enzyme (RIMA) in our stomachs (a reversible MAOI, monoamine oxidase inhibitor, modern medicines discontinued antidepressant). The leaf contains double methylated tryptamines. This dimethyltryptamine (DMT) is the only known endogenous psychedelic (endo meaning “within” and genous meaning “to generate”). The RIMA stops the DMT from being broken down and allows it to be ingested orally. Ninety seven percent of all ecosystems and every animal have DMT in them, including you and I. If we did not have this inhibitor we would constantly be in a state of shamanic ecstasy. Interestingly enough, REM sleep is when some of this DMT is secreted into the cerebral fluid in the middle of the brain evoking dreams. By ingesting this compound one enters a waking dream. As long as they have not taken a contraindicated compound right before the Cappi brew is ingested, this experience is one hundred percent safe. By having a prescribed diet one can guarantee safety and doubly fortify themselves (building intent like a sacrifice to the divine).
Having been on a strict diet of mostly white rice, fish, and fresh fruits and having fasted prior to each experience I was ready for my third session of the week, during my second series of drinking. This is the story of my most profound Ayahuasca experience right around my nineteenth birthday.
In a dark place my thoughts raced frantically seeking closure. Trying to remain controlling of my brain, I began to lose this uphill struggle. I cried out, pleading for it to end, only to be silenced by the spirits booming intent. “Be Quiet,” it commanded, implying for my patience. My eyes slid out of focus as I slid to the floor. My back and bottom ominously chilled by the tile on the shower door. My face and front warmed by soothing droplets of peace as the steam further clouded my vision. Water freely trickled into my slack mouth with every breath of vapor filled air. As the world of reality went away, so did my attempts to cease my experience. A molten globule of patterned marble appeared, floating above nothingness. Brightly colored and shifting like a lava lamp, I saw hands protrude like an egg hatching. Following the hands, arms, a gentle face with benevolence radiating from every pore, breasts and a torso now emitted from this gelatinous blobs core. She slipped her flowing digits through my skull, encompassing my mind. Cradling my brain with liquid love she washed me for the divine. My soul now soothed, her job complete, I am ready for my lessons. I lay down, giving up, now on a couch in plaid pajamas. The soft fabric around me and the cushions upon which I rested began to emanate an elfish tone. Reality was pulled from my senses in a crescendo of this lunar note. Like stretching cellophane and ripping through my mind heard this all around. I left my body and floated in space being downloaded new thoughts. Taoism I learned through ego death, experiencing Buddhist’s nirvana. Saddened by my solitude I walked the sun with tongue-leaf flowers, melancholy with the maker, bright orange and yellow all around. My second voyage to the source interrupted by the stretching sound, in the other direction. My chest rises, It gasps for breath, and I hear the noise again. In and out I came and went from this place to the next. So much learned, and having come so far, its hard to know I’ve barely moved. I keep this experience as credence that there is a purpose more than we know. As Momma Aya often says “you monkeys only think you’re running things,” I am reminded of our fallacy. Stewards to nature and learning creatures are all evolution allows. Straying from this path, leads only to destruction. I watched civilizations come and go, rise and fall, born and die, simply by forgetting their purpose and not sharing knowledge. The dimensions above the three we know have many more senses than the five we hold as absolute. Coming back from this dream, life is fresh, everything is a give. Every breath I take I know the true joy of, it takes not having something to know how precious it really is. When you feel like you have died and been reborn, even the most irrelevant stimuli brings the most profound joy. Having lost it all, its so divine to be given it all back again. Life is a gift; ultimately that is the most powerful lesson from this experience and others like it. Forgetting this seems the epitome of sin. We are alive.
During the time that I was in this dream state, it’s incredibly difficult to transcribe the experience to linear texts from telepathic intent. The best I could do would be to describe it in an artistic sense, a poem.
Swirling vortexes of passion and pain
My mother’s arms, holding me again
Pure and earthly, she helps my mind
Washing my soul, with her hands so divine
From my brain the tendrils are taken
Through her lessons I understand my mistakes and
Let the demon of worldly concern
Leave my Self, her work partly adjourned
I no longer cry for help
Eye of the demon, my old worldly dream
Wanting so badly its old reign over me
The vine, she speaks in perfect form
Without words, I understand her and learn
Let go, go on, pass on through
With her help, I certainly do
Going farther than I thought, I ever knew
Nirvana, such peace, I come unto
My ego defeated, departed me
Through the eyes of the spirit I see quite clearly
Until the eternity comes full circle
Looping past infinity
I am reborn without fearing
Once I was washed by the light,
Taught to learn how to fight,
What holds us to our human selves
Condemning the blind to the darkest of hells
Now I’ve seen the other side
It shines through
Evaporating evanescent lies
Impossible now for the truth to hide
Comforted now by confiding to the skies
She waits for those who seek her wisdom
With all ones heart and everything within them
If they dedicate to this heavenly kingdom
It can be found inside every living thing and
I cannot wait to see her again
The picture itself displays Momma Aya in the top left corner coming from the pot of ayahuasca through some skulls that lead into vines symbolizing the vine of the dead or vine of souls. I am holding this pot in one hand and a cup of it in the other. She is reaching through the chaos and emitting a liquid into my open brain as she gently pulls the roots of the worldly demon, the ego, from me. The ego demon can be seen screaming in protest as it dissolves into the steam from the cup I am holding. The leaves and tongues next to Momma Aya are an example of their interchangeability through the experience and my own logic. Leaves are the tongues of plants and Momma Aya can be seen with a leaf tongue. To the right of her shoulder a mushroom with an eye can be seen as the dot of a flaming question mark, this represents my curiosity with enlightenment through mushrooms. Under my legs is a large eye opening, much like gaining awareness. Below my head and above my neck is a leaf, this is a double representation. The first being the thought that our head/ consciousness is a part of nature and the other is a derived image of a being I saw with another ego dissolving experience. I may have become this type of being I had seen earlier as I may have become (or always have been without knowing) the entity I met with my first “magic” mushroom experience I went over a few pages ago. I am holding a cross as well as the cup linking the relevance of the chalice to Christianity, a sacrament. The cross is also green representing nature being intertwined with Christian principles. (I discovered this after the image was created). There is a snake above the eye of the demon that is the world she’s pulling from my head. It is rather geometrically patterned. In these experiences common phenomenons visually speaking, are interactions with the vine goddess (Momma Aya) and a display of serpentine presence. To the indigenous users of this brew the universe is made up of a moving anaconda’s body, much like modern string theory. The patterns they see are a part of the snake’s skin and can be viewed by all who are privy to its existence. There is more in this image that I can only imagine it relevance, and it can be interpreted in countless ways be each individuals aesthetic disposition.
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