After many chance visitations of this site, I've become a member here in order to gain insight into other people's experiences and knowledge on a more interpersonal basis than just scanning the pages.
Here's a rambling expostulation of sorts on how I've arrived here. I spent the years of my nascent youth enthralled in semblances of immortality, experiences weak but passions strong. I think my inquisitive personality, and living in a vapid yet overwhelming Western culture, myself sadly very much a product of that culture, drew me to want to experiment with drugs early on, as a method of escape and emancipation. I had veritable degrees of success, I would argue, but was still a teenager who experimented with drugs primarily because they were different, cool, rebellious. My mother always said, 'if you want to get high, climb a mountain', but mountains are hard to find amidst the copycat semidetached houses and highstreets of greater London suburbia. In my late teens, I'd spend vast majority of my time in nightclubs taking MDMA for the purpose of feeling the convivial rush with friends, and smoking a lot of hydroponic skunk to escape the drudgery of everyday schooling, exams, expectation, by getting stoned and watching trash television, playing football computer games. Though never with any real concern for stopping a second and considering this trajectory and why I was following it and immersing myself within it.
As I grew older though, being someone with a penchant for analytical, intense thought and organised reasoning (very much a virgo), I found myself clutching at straws for how to explain things, why people do things, anything, with the deft precision and judiciousness which I feel is required to understand the ways of the world. As an allegory of how I felt I put it thus as an example: it often seems people in economics, financial industries etc. are trying to do the equivalent of complex geometric mathematics in their work, when, in truth, their grasp of the general arithmetic is flawed and incomplete, and therefore their work is entirely unsustainable because the fundamentals of their science are flawed/nonexistent.
Anyway, I'd say realisations of this sort (and increasing use of paranoia-inducing skunk) led me into some rather deep and obstructive thoughts which depressed me and saddened me no end. I don't know if this is just the general malaise which we all experience in our adolescence or if my blue period was significantly more acute and dark. I felt highly troubled and often considered suicide due to my worthlessness. My behavior was very bipolar and I just didn't know if there would be a way to overcome these troubling truths which I had arrived at.
Upon leaving school I pursued English and Philosophy at degree level. English Literature is my love and passion and I'm a stoic believer in the transformative power of words to convey feelings, highly in tune with our emotional faculties. Philosophy I had never studied formally before, but I was enchanted by what you might call philosophical fictions (Camus, Borges etc.) and wanted to study this sort of thing further. I was accepted into a good university and completed my degree. It left me with more questions than answers, and wasn't necessarily what I expected but definitely opened my mind to things which I needed to know, plus whole ouevres and traditions of literature which I might well have remained ignorant toward.
What's more, whilst studying I met a group of likeminded, older people who taught me to appreciate drugs in a more positive, clandestine way. Unlike most students, I'd already done most of the experimenting, wasn't really interested in getting fucked up for the sake of getting fucked up, and was looking for something else. I'd actually tried changa DMT prior to university in Portugal, and never really broken through (in hindsight, probably a good thing, as I don't think I'd have been able to take it if I did) but I was properly introduced to the effects of DMT whilst a student as well, and the STB extraction process, plus the history, iconography and power of the substance. More important to me was LSD, which after prolonged use, and building up the correct emotional coping mechanisms to deal with the effects, allowed me to really conceive of my fears and anxieties with a more attuned understanding of them. Taking LSD allowed me to take my depression and flip it into something different; it was still all that depression, but without the burden on myself...
I'd say LSD taught me to successfully disassociate my primordal, fundamental self (which I think has always been more concerned with the nature and essence of being, purpose and progress) from my Westernised egocentric self with all its fears and desires. I'd say LSD allows me to overcome that obstacle, if only temporarily, whilst I am on the drug, and reading Huxley and other fantastic writers on the subject really elucidated my understanding of it. I still take it regularly, oftentimes with wacky consequences, or to experience a different angle on something (for example, the recent Hirst exhibiton at the Tate Modern made a whole lot more sense on acid than my first visit!), but the most fulfilling times taking it are alone, acid rapping without any other interferences, and letting my mind wander across a recorder or a pad of paper, sort of under self-imposed experimental conditions, so as to understand it a bit better, and how it affects my faculties of function and control- what I can learn from this etc....
Anyway, to cut a long, hyperconvoluted story short, I've joined this site as it seems a bastion for likeminded individuals on an experiential mission. Whether that be via DMT or otherwise is down to the subject, but I can tell that the vast majority of people here are on the same wavelength. DMT always struck me an introspective solitary experience, and what's more, it is hard to find people who are into it because of how it affects you (in contrast, something like ecstasy lends itself to social activity because it is often deemed a 'party drug'). I'm always skeptical about internet forums, but because of the nature of DMT in my opinion, this is a necessary forum in regard to the subject matter. So I'm here with an eye to learning more about DMT, perhaps attempting STB extraction in the future, meeting likeminded individuals, but always with an eye to uncovering the timeless truths and deepest emotions of life. Thanks for reading and hello!
Here's a rambling expostulation of sorts on how I've arrived here. I spent the years of my nascent youth enthralled in semblances of immortality, experiences weak but passions strong. I think my inquisitive personality, and living in a vapid yet overwhelming Western culture, myself sadly very much a product of that culture, drew me to want to experiment with drugs early on, as a method of escape and emancipation. I had veritable degrees of success, I would argue, but was still a teenager who experimented with drugs primarily because they were different, cool, rebellious. My mother always said, 'if you want to get high, climb a mountain', but mountains are hard to find amidst the copycat semidetached houses and highstreets of greater London suburbia. In my late teens, I'd spend vast majority of my time in nightclubs taking MDMA for the purpose of feeling the convivial rush with friends, and smoking a lot of hydroponic skunk to escape the drudgery of everyday schooling, exams, expectation, by getting stoned and watching trash television, playing football computer games. Though never with any real concern for stopping a second and considering this trajectory and why I was following it and immersing myself within it.
As I grew older though, being someone with a penchant for analytical, intense thought and organised reasoning (very much a virgo), I found myself clutching at straws for how to explain things, why people do things, anything, with the deft precision and judiciousness which I feel is required to understand the ways of the world. As an allegory of how I felt I put it thus as an example: it often seems people in economics, financial industries etc. are trying to do the equivalent of complex geometric mathematics in their work, when, in truth, their grasp of the general arithmetic is flawed and incomplete, and therefore their work is entirely unsustainable because the fundamentals of their science are flawed/nonexistent.
Anyway, I'd say realisations of this sort (and increasing use of paranoia-inducing skunk) led me into some rather deep and obstructive thoughts which depressed me and saddened me no end. I don't know if this is just the general malaise which we all experience in our adolescence or if my blue period was significantly more acute and dark. I felt highly troubled and often considered suicide due to my worthlessness. My behavior was very bipolar and I just didn't know if there would be a way to overcome these troubling truths which I had arrived at.
Upon leaving school I pursued English and Philosophy at degree level. English Literature is my love and passion and I'm a stoic believer in the transformative power of words to convey feelings, highly in tune with our emotional faculties. Philosophy I had never studied formally before, but I was enchanted by what you might call philosophical fictions (Camus, Borges etc.) and wanted to study this sort of thing further. I was accepted into a good university and completed my degree. It left me with more questions than answers, and wasn't necessarily what I expected but definitely opened my mind to things which I needed to know, plus whole ouevres and traditions of literature which I might well have remained ignorant toward.
What's more, whilst studying I met a group of likeminded, older people who taught me to appreciate drugs in a more positive, clandestine way. Unlike most students, I'd already done most of the experimenting, wasn't really interested in getting fucked up for the sake of getting fucked up, and was looking for something else. I'd actually tried changa DMT prior to university in Portugal, and never really broken through (in hindsight, probably a good thing, as I don't think I'd have been able to take it if I did) but I was properly introduced to the effects of DMT whilst a student as well, and the STB extraction process, plus the history, iconography and power of the substance. More important to me was LSD, which after prolonged use, and building up the correct emotional coping mechanisms to deal with the effects, allowed me to really conceive of my fears and anxieties with a more attuned understanding of them. Taking LSD allowed me to take my depression and flip it into something different; it was still all that depression, but without the burden on myself...
I'd say LSD taught me to successfully disassociate my primordal, fundamental self (which I think has always been more concerned with the nature and essence of being, purpose and progress) from my Westernised egocentric self with all its fears and desires. I'd say LSD allows me to overcome that obstacle, if only temporarily, whilst I am on the drug, and reading Huxley and other fantastic writers on the subject really elucidated my understanding of it. I still take it regularly, oftentimes with wacky consequences, or to experience a different angle on something (for example, the recent Hirst exhibiton at the Tate Modern made a whole lot more sense on acid than my first visit!), but the most fulfilling times taking it are alone, acid rapping without any other interferences, and letting my mind wander across a recorder or a pad of paper, sort of under self-imposed experimental conditions, so as to understand it a bit better, and how it affects my faculties of function and control- what I can learn from this etc....
Anyway, to cut a long, hyperconvoluted story short, I've joined this site as it seems a bastion for likeminded individuals on an experiential mission. Whether that be via DMT or otherwise is down to the subject, but I can tell that the vast majority of people here are on the same wavelength. DMT always struck me an introspective solitary experience, and what's more, it is hard to find people who are into it because of how it affects you (in contrast, something like ecstasy lends itself to social activity because it is often deemed a 'party drug'). I'm always skeptical about internet forums, but because of the nature of DMT in my opinion, this is a necessary forum in regard to the subject matter. So I'm here with an eye to learning more about DMT, perhaps attempting STB extraction in the future, meeting likeminded individuals, but always with an eye to uncovering the timeless truths and deepest emotions of life. Thanks for reading and hello!
