A trip at home

[epoe]

So.

I took 3.5 grams of cubensis. My girlfriend took around 2 grams. This is the most I've taken. This is also the first time me and my girlfriend have tripped together without a third person there. I expected it to be quite different to the earlier smaller doses, but not so much. At first I just saw patterns in all flat surfaces, like I've seen before. Sure, they were more detailed and moved around more, but it wasn't too unfamiliar. I laughed a lot. I felt great, but my stomach was feeling a bit heavy. I hadn't eaten much of anything that day and it was around five in the afternoon.

Then it got darker. I felt more and more isolated from my girlfriend, started speaking less and less (Usually I can hardly stop talking). I thought to myself "this is it!". When I closed my eyes I saw complicated three dimensional objects, covered in beautiful symbols. The objects spun around rhythmically, sort of like clockwork, making many small but fast movements and then stopping for a few seconds, and then starting again. My stomach felt worse and worse and I was certain I was going to puke. I stood up, trying to explain to my girlfriend without worrying her too much. When I came into the bathroom everything was a bit clearer, probably because the light was brighter. The toilet looked really clean and bright (it wasn't that clean). I bent over as if to puke, but I knew I wasn't going to. I looked into the mirror. My pupils were huge. I felt very close to the reflection of myself. It seemed very friendly. I thought of it as my spirit animal. I went back to the living room and lay down next to my girlfriend. I tried to tell her that I was fine. I didn't want her to worry. She's prone to anxiety, and has had one or two uncomfortable trip, even on relatively low doses.

I went to the bathroom and back one or two more times until I decided to put my finger in my throat and force myself to vomit. It was pretty hard, my gag reflex seemed to be unusually dull. I ended up puking and I remember it tasting like pizza, even though I hadn't eaten anything like that. I had been convinced that my stomach would feel better if I puked, it may have a little, but not much.

Back on the couch I felt like I would never do psychedelics again. I felt horrible. I tried letting go. I closed my eyes and let the CEV's go on, but the longer I went without opening my eyes or moving them, the more nauseous I felt. My girlfriend was obviously becoming more and more worried about be, she asked me why I was so quiet and I tried to explain what I was seeing. At that point I felt like I completely understood the concept of "the other" in phenomenology. I felt like I was imprisoned in myself, and that everybody else was completely alien. At the same time I was, in a way, perfectly rational. I realized I had taken mushrooms, that the effects would pass and that I was completely safe.

I tried to laugh, but the laugh didn't reach farther than the throat. It didn't reach "me". I tried to talk, but couldn't think of anything. Finally I started thinking about what I had been doing before the trip. And I started to laugh and talk. A lot. I started talking about everyday life. I talked about people going to work, going to the supermarket and those kinds of things. All of this was so completely alien to my state of mind that it was simply ridiculous. I talked and laughed and everything got brighter. My stomach even felt a little better.

Through the trip I got back into the dark space a few times, but all I had to do to get out of it was to start talking about the people who were not us, who were sober. That was all it took to get me feeling better. It was, in a way, escape. By occupying my mind the rest of the trip, the parts that scared me, disappeared. I sort of ignored them.

On the comedown, when everything was becoming more and more stable, we watched a stupid film and I found myself completely perplexed over the motivations of the characters. I couldn't understand why they cared what other people thought or even why they cared about anything at all. I was in a sort of happy nihilistic state, where nothing mattered but I was okay with that.

Here are a few questions that I hope someone will be able to answer.

When tripping I seem to feel most comfortable when talking. My girlfriend, on the other hand, feels very uncomfortable when talking. Is that something I should think about? Is either position unusual? Does it say something about me and her?

What are some good ways to lessen the chances of nausea? We ate some raw ginger beforehand, but that didn't seem to work this time. Are there some foods that it's good to eat while tripping? During the comedown I usually start to feel anxious for it to end because I start feeling hungry. Is it maybe better not to fast before tripping?

How can I properly "let go" or "stop resisting" without distracting myself from the trip? I've heard people talking about it, but I wonder if there are any clearer instructions.

Thank you for reading.

 

[Global]

When tripping I seem to feel most comfortable when talking. My girlfriend, on the other hand, feels very uncomfortable when talking. Is that something I should think about? Is either position unusual? Does it say something about me and her?

Perhaps it has to do with your personality types. If you're an extrovert and she's an introvert, then coupled with the exaggerated nature of psychedelics, that becomes all the more so. Also some people feel uncomfortable talking on psychedelics because either they are having genuine problems putting any of the thoughts they wanna say into words, are too lethargic, nauseous, or could also feel embarrassed if in their altered state that they said something that they wish they hadn't.

How can I properly "let go" or "stop resisting" without distracting myself from the trip? I've heard people talking about it, but I wonder if there are any clearer instructions.

Talking is a means of coping in a way. It's a way of reaching out and connecting with someone. A sort of reminder that you're not alone on your wacky journey. It's part of what grounds you to consensual reality. You mention you have problems letting go. If you're concerning yourself with what you're going to be chattering about, you're not really "in" the experience in a certain kind of a way. If all is silent, and you're completely focused on the experience at hand, and can get past resisting the mushroom's uncomfortable sensations, then you will find it much easier to ease up and give in wholeheartedly. Unfortunately nausea can really stand in the way of being able to let go obviously because it creates a natural "aversion" reaction. Solve your nausea problem and you might not need to cope with your odd feelings so much via talking.

Lastly you may enjoy talking because the psychedelic mind state brings about odd tangents in thought - the splintering and simultaneous tracking of various thoughts. You start to make connections you've never made before or haven't paid too much attention to in the past, and especially in the moment it can all seem rather profound. A natural reaction is to wanna share what's going on in the experience, and since unfortunately we can't just willingly tune into each other's trips like flipping channels on the television, one of the only ways we have of sharing - especially on the spot aside of spontaneous music/art creation perhaps, is by talking.

 

[epoe]

Thank you for your reply.

You mention you have problems letting go. If you're concerning yourself with what you're going to be chattering about, you're not really "in" the experience in a certain kind of a way. If all is silent, and you're completely focused on the experience at hand, and can get past resisting the mushroom's uncomfortable sensations, then you will find it much easier to ease up and give in wholeheartedly. Unfortunately nausea can really stand in the way of being able to let go obviously because it creates a natural "aversion" reaction. Solve your nausea problem and you might not need to cope with your odd feelings so much via talking.

When I moved beyond what I had experienced before (my largest dose before this having been 2.5 grams of cubensis) I pretty much stopped talking. That is also when it got a lot darker. I really tried to let go, trying to 'just let it happen', but that only seemed to make it worse and increase the nausea. Perhaps I could have moved past that. Maybe it was a sort of defense mechanism. After I started talking the trip really mellowed out. It wasn't nearly as intense, so I sort of feel like I was cheating myself out of a more profound experience, although maybe I just wasn't ready for it. Staying quiet hasn't been a problem in my prior trips, although I really do enjoy talking while tripping.

I think I will go down a notch for a few trips at least, maybe staying around 2 to 2.5 grams. Perhaps I can get more comfortable with introverted and quiet trips that way. I could then also experiment with ways to lessen nausea.

 

[Felnik]

Mushrooms can be rough sometimes, I'm still trying to get a workable method to avoid the
hard physical stuff. sometimes there is an uncomfortable part in the beginning that i have to work through to get to the other side. Other times its just physically hard from the get go and stays that way. The other day I made a tea using an herbal stomach tea as the base the experience was great. I use candied ginger throughout. Next time try making a tea using herbal tea for stomach or ginger tea put the mushrooms in that.

I'm also pretty careful about what I eat the day of a trip, minimal processed food and no caffeine. Sometimes its just plain hard and that's the way it goes.

 

[SkyKitty]

I know how you felt! one thing i noticed is that you didnt mention whether you had some tunes going. I hope this is not too much info:

One thing that I realized after participating in ayahuasca rituals is that the music is an important part of the journey for me because it is my lifeline and connection to the physical world before i make it back from the other side. Without some form of music, i find it easy to get overwhelmed in the experience, especially when it comes to tracking the passing of time. This is part of why shamans and the Santo Daime sing. The music keeps you grounded and provides you with comfort while at the same time allowing you to surrender to the experience and to look inward without distraction.

So if i am taking the sacred mushrooms alone or with loved ones, i usually listen to pop music. i always set up a playlist of 5 albums of 45min to an hour in length each and i know that by the end of the fifth album, i will be back in the physical world. It helps me keep track of time passively and it is very comforting. I use headphones because my music can be a distraction for my loved-ones and vise versa. Occasionally we come to the surface to share a message or a giggle. Othertimes we just hold hands or lay beside eachother and eachother's presence is enough of a connection, especially in moments when it feels hard to speak. When i feel like i cant speak anymore (and i am also usually a talker) i know i am on the cusp of deep work and all you need to do is lay back, breathe and listen.

The other thing i could recommend, is talking the "game plan" out with your partner first before you go under the veil. Find comfort and agreement before that you will both make it back from the other side no matter what you experience on the other side. Talk it out, "if i feel like i need to purge, trust i will be ok and that my body, and the medicine, know what to do" or "if i have a heavy experience and need to retreat to a dark room and a bed, know that will be ok and know that you are welcome to join me if you want?" or "if i get scared and need to hold your hand, will you hold it back and reassure me that all will be ok?"

This might be helpful because it well set the tone so that neither of you feels responsible for entertaining or comforting eachother during the journey. That will allow you two to be together for the experience without inhibiting eachother from truly letting go and looking within. You will both feel prepared for whatever comes your way.

When i journey with loved ones, we always have the understanding that any one of us could find ourselves undertaking heavy work with the need to be alone in a blanket cocoon. Affirming this before hand allows everyone to be able to go to that space if/when it happens without the need to explain and without guilt or fear, and then to re-enter the circle once we are able to do so again.

When it comes to the nausea, it just happens. If the need comes to purge, purge. If not, drink some water and give it some time. In my experience, there is little you can do other than grind them up really well to let the fiber pass through you as painlessly as possible. Definitely eat before. I find it hard to eat during the experience as everything feels and tastes like sand to me while in the experience.

Oh yes, and if you get a bad vibe, change something in your environment, change the music, the lighting, go to another room or go outside (if you have privacy and the luxury).
This is the way I do it, hopefully some of it might also be helpful for you.