Well went out with friends today kayaking.

Finally actually felt and I mean physically feel anxiety which hasn't happened in a long time.

Usually all up in my head.

This helped me realize I get in my head by running from that anxiety. I run from the anxiety because I'm scared of myself and I'm running from myself.

Why I do not know, but I would have to guess pain.

I'm always running from being in the moment is what I realized as well.