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Am I poisoning my brain ?

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Baltimore1

Rising Star
I have tried two times so far with my own extracted DMT ( lightly yellow x-tals).

First time with The machine 30mg slight visuals nothing extra.

Second time Shanti Vape method with mesh RDA atomiser, 30mg .

Both times it didn't feel like I took some mind expanding substance, more like mind shutting poison.

After big hit with mesh method, I felt my mind was shutting and I thought. What have I done ? I destroyed my brain and Im gonna die, how could I do this to my family? They will come home and find me dead. After few second I calmed down and sad to myself, well If I die, there's no way out, so be it.

But my question is. Is this normal ? It really doesn't feel like I m entering some other realm, or I m about to meet some entities or just feel general love. It's more like, ok this is chemical that is messing with my neurotransmitters .

Also I don't have a feeling of loosing my ego or not knowing who I' m. I'm in my head but definitely know who or what I am.

So I don't know at this point. It was my first extraction, but substance looks clean.

Anyone with similar experience ?
 
Hi Baltimore1.

I cannot comment on the quality or nature of your spice, because you did not share any details about your extraction...

...but, I can respond to your initial reaction to whatever you smoked. And if your extraction had not worked, you would very likely have had no mental reaction at all. No spice, no experience.

But what you experienced is very common and indicates that your spice is there.
What you describe, the panic, the doubt, the fear of having done something terrible, those are all indications that you have the real thing.

The first few times, the experience is so NEW, and so different, that your mind (ego?) reacts in a defensive way. It struggles to make sense, and tries to dominate your consciousness. And you feel like you want this to end and never do this again! That is your fear talking.

Your dose was 30mg, you mention. With that amount, you should have a much more intensive experience. Which makes me think that your way of smoking is not very efficient.

"Both times it didn't feel like I took some mind expanding substance, more like mind shutting poison."

That may be because of your smoking method and the actual dose that you get into your lungs.
If you want to explore the spice further, I would suggest to improve your ROA (route of administration) and gradually increase your dosage, and get comfortable with the NEW space that your mind is unaccustomed to.

What other people talk about, "entering some other realm, or... meet some entities", that does not happen to everyone and neither all the time. And it should not be the standard of your expectations. The spice is very individualistic and while we all share similar qualities of experiences, not one is like another. And it is so hard to describe with our standard language, that while people are using the same words, they often associate much different experiences with those words.

Just trust in yourself and your own personal journey of growth and exploration.
 
Hi Maxtraxx.

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it.

I didn't mention more details, because English is not my first language and sometimes I get stuck in details due to vocabulary, so If my respond seems cold and mechanical it's only because of that.

I followed Cybs' Hybrid ATB 'Salt' Tek., with MHRB. Only difference was use of Wundbenzin, not a naphtha ( should be even purer product ). I was really careful and got nice slightly yellow spice.

You mentioned valuable points , especially about ego being defensive.

Now I can see that it was probably my sub. consciousness, that went into auto mode and was fighting hard with my mind . I have not expected, that there will be duality between them.

Also it's reassuring to know that those feelings are usual.

I had one really nice moment, when I exhaled, sun rays went thru smoke and for a fracture of second, created big snowflake, time stopped and I sad '' Oh NO'' .That picture in my mind will stay with me for a long time , it was scary and beautiful at once.
 
Also I forget to ask.

Is it normal that it's so quiet ?

I felt like I was observing silent movie from a distance.

What really surprised me, was a nature of visuals (even tho they weren't strong). They were like delicate glass mosaics painted on thin plastic foil, that was on a top of my eyesight.
 
For MANY people, lower doses can be really weird like that...

It is often suggested to go BIG or not at all. You have to smoke enough to breakthrough that awkward uncomfortable phase...

Or as they say at the Nexus... SMOALK MOAR

:thumb_up:
 
I use other smoking methods (changa) and yes this is very normal, very much part of the game, the worse the trip is the more sure you are sure that this time you did not smoke dmt, you poisoned yourself, and are gonna die. Its very much the polar opposite of dmt when it works really well, where it makes you feel 100 times more alive and cozy than you ever could.
 
I'll back up what others are saying, yeah, pretty normal.

Early on in experimenting with spice I would take a breakthrough dose and almost immediately think "what is this? What have I done to myself? I don't know what I'm doing.... This could be anything.... This could be toxic!"
Rough trips... (Though looking back on it I was over using hyperspace to escape... Lots of other punishing paranoid thoughts [even while sober] occured as well)

And I like what CosmicLion said
It is often suggested to go BIG or not at all. You have to smoke enough to breakthrough that awkward uncomfortable phase...
Click to expand...

If you're having trouble breaking through, or fighting through that sub-breakthrough phase... You might gotta go big.... Or go home :p

Much love brotha.
 
FranLover said:
I use other smoking methods (changa) and yes this is very normal, very much part of the game, the worse the trip is the more sure you are sure that this time you did not smoke dmt, you poisoned yourself, and are gonna die. Its very much the polar opposite of dmt when it works really well, where it makes you feel 100 times more alive and cozy than you ever could.
Click to expand...

So what would you suggest, to get to the opposite spectrum of experience ?
 
Baltimore1 said:
FranLover said:
I use other smoking methods (changa) and yes this is very normal, very much part of the game, the worse the trip is the more sure you are sure that this time you did not smoke dmt, you poisoned yourself, and are gonna die. Its very much the polar opposite of dmt when it works really well, where it makes you feel 100 times more alive and cozy than you ever could.
Click to expand...

So what would you suggest, to get to the opposite spectrum of experience ?
Click to expand...

12 Hail Mary's and an offering at 3 am on a full moon.

Perhaps smoking more as the others suggested so that you breakthrough. Harmalas are very good because they potentiate the dmt, so it helps in going in deeper faster and easier. They also mellow you out which is a very good state to be in while experiencing what is going to be the craziest and most epic moment of your life ever.
 
FranLover said:
...experiencing what is going to be the craziest and most epic moment of your life ever.
Click to expand...

That.
No trip report or crazy imagination can prepare you for what you will find on the other side.
But whatever it will be, will be epic!
 
so still new to dmt but not really with other trips but I agree with what a lot of people said when in lower doses I get that "oh shit....I fucked up" feeling larger doses get rid of that...I think this comes from the ego the sense of self for many people is strongly related to the BODY so we think what did I just do to my body...just as you said "did I poison my brain" as we get to higher does the ego goes away even if we don't totally loose ego it does happen in progression and I think the body is the first thing to go so you don't worry about it anymore...I have delt with this as I am totally new to dmt and in the beginning there was some fear (unlike other psychedelics) so getting my feet wet was weird because on one hand going slow helps me get rid of that fear but at the same time those lower doses you worry about the body....its just something that is natural we live our whole lives in this body letting go of it can be extremely discomforting and confusing!
 
I have another trip report.

50 mg with shanty vape mesh technique.

This time I remember a lot and even more from previous experience.

It wasn't loving o welcoming, it was quite opposite .

I should say that I m not strong believer or Christian, but whole time I had feeling like some entities are trying to posses me.

I haven't seen them, but they' ve told me,, You Did it again, you entered our world'' and tried to show me things to amaze , entertain me, but in reality it was more like distraction and time buying for whatever they wanted to do with me .

At one point I had a feeling, like somebody was making operation on my body.

They also told me, you will forget this as a last time ( I don't remember exact details ) and we will catch you and try it again when you will come.

This wasn't my ego fighting death or inner feelings, but I knew they were real and familiar and I knew that they are real enemies that I fought before and can't be trusted .

I would summarise this trip as a ''Singing of Sirens ''.
 
So the way I look at what your explaining is well ok you took some more than the 1st time so you saw,felt , heard more but you still had some anxiety and it came out as the feeling they were trying to posses you!...I struggled with this fear in the very beginning fear turned into anxiety and now that is mostly gone. I am sure some will always be there I mean think about it your trying to enter a world that is so far different than anything you've experience before fear and anxiety should be expected....so also in the beginning the fear and anxiety made me use small doeses and split them as I was a lil scared to be shot out of a cannon to get there. I have found these anxiety's and fears just dissolve away as you increase the dose so from now on I wont do a few small hits I will do a minimal amount of large hits to get as much in as quick as possible I feel like the ride there and the ride back a lil to is where all these uncomfortable feelings come up (wich makes sense this is the point where our everyday world is dissapeering and the new one coming into view and really you cant be in 2 places at once this causes confusion) even as far as some people me being 1 smaller doses or a long ride up make me feel like my head is about to explode my ears pop and everything its not very nice feeling! sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe as I am coming up....but once you get there all that goes away you just have to trust for me trust was key! trust your body will keep itself safe while your gone trust the substance (the vehicle) will safely get you there and trust the place your going is safe! I have said this over and over to many people cause that was THE KEY for me once you trust it taking a big hit and getting shot out of that cannon is much more combfortable than trying to get there in a slower way!

One more thing I use the same method cybs extraction tek I do use naptha tho….the first pull is all DRY WHITE CRSTALS as you progress in pulls it gets yellower and a lil bit more goo-y...usisng my knowledge from other extractions (as I am fairly new to this) I would think the yellow goo-y ness is when the naptha starts pulling other stuff plant fats and other UNDESRIBLES from the plant wich would also make it not as potent (and there is deffinitly a difference in potency from white to yellow) So if your getting the yellow stuff right off the bat something in the process isn't perfect try and figure that out or just use more yellow stuff.
 
This is the best description that I ve found:
''
There is a sinister backdrop, an alien-type, insectoid, not-quite-pleasant
side of this, isn't there? Its not a "We're- going-to get-you-motherfucker."
It's more like being possessed. During the experience there is sense of someone,
or something else, there taking control. It's like you have to defend
yourself against them, whoever they are, but they certainly are there. I'm
aware of them and they're aware of me. It's like they have an agenda. It's
like walking into a different neighborhood. You're really not quite sure
what the culture is. It's got such a distinct flavour, the reptilian being or
beings that are present.
"How about the scary element?" I asked. "What's the worst they could
do if they are unleashed with access to you?"
That's what it's about. It's the sense of the possibility that's so strange.

''
 
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