I was recently introduced to Antrocles by a friend who felt he could offer me some spiritual guidance through what I could describe as a fully mobilized effort to...wake up essentially: Despite a life long belief in what I'll call, for sake of brevity, Eastern thought and worldviews, I've found great difficulty integrating such a belief system into my very western existence. Short moments, brief periods of relative clarity have always been overshadowed by more dominant patterns of depression, anxiety, and the delusions of ego. DMT aside, Antrocles struck me instantly as someone very familiar with these struggles, and as someone who has moved beyond them in a way that most of us have not. His knowledge and experience with everything related to DMT and with its every potential as a supplement to a spiritual life or awakening can only be described as sincere, inspiring, and profound. I would not have journeyed had it not been through his guidance- much gratitude my friend.
As I hear more and read more I realize that my two experiences thus far have not been unusual or terribly unique. While overwhelmingly profound for myself, the individual, it seems that many of us have had very similar "first journeys." My first was an experience of rooms, walls, panels, corridors composed of innumerable, complex three dimensional forms within forms within forms- seemingly infinite- which continued to morph and shift, change and collapse upon themselves. I experienced the presence of three beings, one which resembled what seems to be termed a machine elf- for me this being was a kind of mechanical composite of jester, elf, and clown, and while it did not have any features on its white, half egg face/head, I was keenly aware of its feelings and attitude toward me. I was aware of another being, which had a presence of what I can best describe as wizardly, wise, patriarchal. But this being was almost completely ethereal- I was aware of it but it did not manifest itself in any recognizable form. The third being was much more simply geometrical and robotic- more of an extension of the myriad panels and shapes surrounding me- it was quite small, and seemed to be pet like. The most memorable aspect of this part of the journey was that I was aware somehow that these beings knew when I was becoming fearful of them and when I was pulling away from fear, and I was very aware of their happiness for me at those moments when their antagonisms had no fearful effect on me. As I started to come back, and was in that dimension between here and there, I felt an consuming presence of joy and connection, of clarity and purity devoid of ego and of fear.
My second experience ripped through me more quickly and intensely- it started with similar but much more complex visuals than the first as I collapsed within myself and entered into a realm where I simply did not exist. I was not me, and I had absolutely no awareness of myself or my existence- physically, spiritually, historically, contemporaneously. I simply did not exist. I seemed to be in observance of the vastness of space and time, with elements of the geometry of the quantum universe coming and going. This lasted only seconds, and it was when I began very slowly to be reintroduced to myself- as if I had NO PREVIOUS AWARENESS of the being that is me, that I felt powerful fear. Terror at first unrelated to anything explicable, then as I was very slowly reintroduced to myself I felt horror at the idea that I may never fully return. I comforted myself then by promising that I'd never journey again. But as I grew back into myself I also became keenly aware of the presence of Antrocles meditating beside me- I suddenly felt that he was somehow journeying with me and I must have felt deep comfort in this, because it was then that I began to experience an immeasurable gratitude first for him, and then for all things. I opened my eyes and realized that I was surrounded by a world that I could not only see, but feel: layers and panels of slow moving waves of energy both in the air and slowly emanating from everything in the room. A beautiful, gnarled plant in the corner performed the most graceful dance of slowly growing and swaying and then shrinking back on itself, and I felt its awareness and deep connection me. These visuals continued for some time through what was the most significant and impacting part of my experience- a truly indescribable joy, exaltation, peace, love, an unity with all things. I erupted several times in uncontrollable laughter at the happiness and clarity that enveloped me.
I am a skeptic by nature, and despite experimental drug use for escapist purposes, I have never held great faith in the notion that lasting peace, clarity, enlightenment, or life change can result from drug use alone, even of the most natural or "spiritual" variety. I believe this still- the philosophy that there exists a short cut to awareness is by nature in polar contradiction to the most basic, broad stroke principles of Taoism, Buddhism, Confusionism...everything I have lived, experienced, believed or felt in my life. However, to say that my first two DMT experiences have been comparable in any way to previous experimentation would be debasing what felt like a gift of exposition- a sample of what is out there for all of us, beyond the sham and drudgery of the delusions that cloud daily life. A sample of what I feel I already knew somewhere, of what we probably all know on some level, however buried under the dust and sludge of egoism that effects us all to some degree. Of course the completely sober mind can achieve awareness, even enlightenment- the vast majority of our great sages are proof of this. But if looked upon as a gift to be respected and to be worked with spiritually- as window and not a door - it does seem thus far that the DMT experience could be a powerful medicine, as a jump start to the worldview that us westerners struggle to attain. I'll journey and post again.
As I hear more and read more I realize that my two experiences thus far have not been unusual or terribly unique. While overwhelmingly profound for myself, the individual, it seems that many of us have had very similar "first journeys." My first was an experience of rooms, walls, panels, corridors composed of innumerable, complex three dimensional forms within forms within forms- seemingly infinite- which continued to morph and shift, change and collapse upon themselves. I experienced the presence of three beings, one which resembled what seems to be termed a machine elf- for me this being was a kind of mechanical composite of jester, elf, and clown, and while it did not have any features on its white, half egg face/head, I was keenly aware of its feelings and attitude toward me. I was aware of another being, which had a presence of what I can best describe as wizardly, wise, patriarchal. But this being was almost completely ethereal- I was aware of it but it did not manifest itself in any recognizable form. The third being was much more simply geometrical and robotic- more of an extension of the myriad panels and shapes surrounding me- it was quite small, and seemed to be pet like. The most memorable aspect of this part of the journey was that I was aware somehow that these beings knew when I was becoming fearful of them and when I was pulling away from fear, and I was very aware of their happiness for me at those moments when their antagonisms had no fearful effect on me. As I started to come back, and was in that dimension between here and there, I felt an consuming presence of joy and connection, of clarity and purity devoid of ego and of fear.
My second experience ripped through me more quickly and intensely- it started with similar but much more complex visuals than the first as I collapsed within myself and entered into a realm where I simply did not exist. I was not me, and I had absolutely no awareness of myself or my existence- physically, spiritually, historically, contemporaneously. I simply did not exist. I seemed to be in observance of the vastness of space and time, with elements of the geometry of the quantum universe coming and going. This lasted only seconds, and it was when I began very slowly to be reintroduced to myself- as if I had NO PREVIOUS AWARENESS of the being that is me, that I felt powerful fear. Terror at first unrelated to anything explicable, then as I was very slowly reintroduced to myself I felt horror at the idea that I may never fully return. I comforted myself then by promising that I'd never journey again. But as I grew back into myself I also became keenly aware of the presence of Antrocles meditating beside me- I suddenly felt that he was somehow journeying with me and I must have felt deep comfort in this, because it was then that I began to experience an immeasurable gratitude first for him, and then for all things. I opened my eyes and realized that I was surrounded by a world that I could not only see, but feel: layers and panels of slow moving waves of energy both in the air and slowly emanating from everything in the room. A beautiful, gnarled plant in the corner performed the most graceful dance of slowly growing and swaying and then shrinking back on itself, and I felt its awareness and deep connection me. These visuals continued for some time through what was the most significant and impacting part of my experience- a truly indescribable joy, exaltation, peace, love, an unity with all things. I erupted several times in uncontrollable laughter at the happiness and clarity that enveloped me.
I am a skeptic by nature, and despite experimental drug use for escapist purposes, I have never held great faith in the notion that lasting peace, clarity, enlightenment, or life change can result from drug use alone, even of the most natural or "spiritual" variety. I believe this still- the philosophy that there exists a short cut to awareness is by nature in polar contradiction to the most basic, broad stroke principles of Taoism, Buddhism, Confusionism...everything I have lived, experienced, believed or felt in my life. However, to say that my first two DMT experiences have been comparable in any way to previous experimentation would be debasing what felt like a gift of exposition- a sample of what is out there for all of us, beyond the sham and drudgery of the delusions that cloud daily life. A sample of what I feel I already knew somewhere, of what we probably all know on some level, however buried under the dust and sludge of egoism that effects us all to some degree. Of course the completely sober mind can achieve awareness, even enlightenment- the vast majority of our great sages are proof of this. But if looked upon as a gift to be respected and to be worked with spiritually- as window and not a door - it does seem thus far that the DMT experience could be a powerful medicine, as a jump start to the worldview that us westerners struggle to attain. I'll journey and post again.
your words are gifts to many and i am HONORED to bring you into THE MOST AMAZING, COMPASSIONATE, INTELLIGENT AND RIGHTEOUS DMT COMMUNITY ON THE WEB.
