Mister_Niles
Esteemed member
Last week a friend came over to smoke changa. Pretty much a 1:3 cappi mix with a little pau d'arco and blue lotus thrown in. I've only had a pure spice breakthrough once (so far) and while it was a wonderful experience, I am approaching hyperspace with caution. My friend had only experienced psychedelics four times before this, and the plan was that I would sit for him. It didn't work out that way. And I paid a price. An exquisitely painful price that lead to a glorious resolution.
It had been a fairly difficult day. My father is sick and dying. My mother is in a confused world of dementia. My business is booming at exactly the wrong time ( I know I shouldn't complain about that, but still ) and I'm busier than ever. So I was just going to sit for my friend. That's all. We had a difficult time getting together. Juggling our schedules, trying to finish our days so he could go into hyperspace. Which was the plan. His first full on hyperspace journey... but he was getting cold feet, which I think is perfectly understandable. His anxiety fed into mine and a feedback loop started. I reassured him that he was under no obligation to go into hyperspace and his anxiety faded quickly. Mine however, remained, bubbling and throbbing in dull little explosions through my brain and body. I voiced the opinion that maybe I shouldn't sit for him. He said that he would be fine and was excited to go farther than before via changa. I agreed and got him started. He was quickly into an obviously ecstatic space, eyes open, exploring the new state of my basement recording studio / sh*tpile.
I
however, though sitting on the floor with him, cross legged, smiling mildly and serenely, was in a much different space.
Every time he took a hit, he would hand the pipe to me and I would hold it until he was ready for another. I don't know if I got a low dose from breathing the smoke coming off the pipe or in the air, or if it was just placebo, but something was happening. The dysphoria of low dose DMT was happening. Also some mild visual distortions. I was getting more and more anxious. In the past, the solution to this was, in the words of Gammagore... MORE CHANGA!
I resisted, but it kept getting worse, as my friend rose to higher and higher peaks of ecstasy: "Look at that!" " Wow! Everything!" and "No, I can't look at the Todd Rundgren album anymore, it's too perfect and fits in too well! Ha!". He was having an amazing time and I was being consumed by anxiety and dread, while simultaneously feeling happy for my friend who was floating in a world of pleasure and revelation.
Then, I did the perfectly wrong/perfectly right thing. I said out loud "Screw it!", and put the pipe to my mouth and lit it. It was an act of defiance. I knew it as soon as I lit the pipe. It was part impulse and part calculated attempt to escape my growing discomfort. I felt the familiar anesthetic pulse and heard the buzzing begin. I took another big hit and closed my eyes as my 15 foot wide floor to ceiling cd shelf frowned disapprovingly at me and the edges of everything in the room fractalized into disappointed hexagons.
I closed my eyes and a dark curtain fell, like unfurling dusty black velvet in an abandoned theater. Out of the darkness, to my left, I was shown an endless parade of dripping, obsolete circuitry, fidgeting with traceries of sick green light that fizzled to unimpressive sparks at the broken edges of the dead boards. White hot knives of silvery pain lanced every part of my mind and body, fusing the physical and mental parts of me into cauterized stumps of amputated ego debris. H.R. Giger style alien faces peered at me with pity and disgust. Rows of Giger bald goggle wearing stoics passed by me in some sort of uninterpretable judgement. I was sitting upright at this point. I gave into my misery and buried my head in my hands.
Another type of darkness surrounded me and I saw a blue orb in front of me. I could also see a blue version of my actual physical self from above, below and all perspectives. I felt a deep despair and said the phrase that so many of us know so well. "If I can get through this, I'll never take anther drug again". Then the first true entity in this experience spoke up. "Except THIS one / ME."
I sat up. I still had my eyes closed, but I could feel a presence very close to me. Right in front of my face. Suddenly, the anxiety, fear, feelings of hopeless desperation and dread left me. They were instantly replaced by the most incredible sense of joy I have ever felt.
I heard: "Oh my god! Your face!" and I opened my eyes. The face of my friend, inches from mine, tears streaming down his cheeks, smiling in mad ecstasy is what greeted me. He told me later, that right before I opened my eyes, a blast of bright blue energy blasted out from my head. Then again, he also told me about the purple sunset over by my drum set.
The rest was pure bliss, as I lay back on the floor, knowing that all of my anxieties and fears where worthless wastes of time and energy. Knowing that there was work to be done, and secure in the fact that it was something I could accomplish.
It was a productive night for my friend too. What an incredible tool this stuff is. I hope I can figure out how to use it well.
Does anyone have any opinions on using changa in times of crisis? Am I playing with fire?
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
It had been a fairly difficult day. My father is sick and dying. My mother is in a confused world of dementia. My business is booming at exactly the wrong time ( I know I shouldn't complain about that, but still ) and I'm busier than ever. So I was just going to sit for my friend. That's all. We had a difficult time getting together. Juggling our schedules, trying to finish our days so he could go into hyperspace. Which was the plan. His first full on hyperspace journey... but he was getting cold feet, which I think is perfectly understandable. His anxiety fed into mine and a feedback loop started. I reassured him that he was under no obligation to go into hyperspace and his anxiety faded quickly. Mine however, remained, bubbling and throbbing in dull little explosions through my brain and body. I voiced the opinion that maybe I shouldn't sit for him. He said that he would be fine and was excited to go farther than before via changa. I agreed and got him started. He was quickly into an obviously ecstatic space, eyes open, exploring the new state of my basement recording studio / sh*tpile.
I
however, though sitting on the floor with him, cross legged, smiling mildly and serenely, was in a much different space.
Every time he took a hit, he would hand the pipe to me and I would hold it until he was ready for another. I don't know if I got a low dose from breathing the smoke coming off the pipe or in the air, or if it was just placebo, but something was happening. The dysphoria of low dose DMT was happening. Also some mild visual distortions. I was getting more and more anxious. In the past, the solution to this was, in the words of Gammagore... MORE CHANGA!
I resisted, but it kept getting worse, as my friend rose to higher and higher peaks of ecstasy: "Look at that!" " Wow! Everything!" and "No, I can't look at the Todd Rundgren album anymore, it's too perfect and fits in too well! Ha!". He was having an amazing time and I was being consumed by anxiety and dread, while simultaneously feeling happy for my friend who was floating in a world of pleasure and revelation.
Then, I did the perfectly wrong/perfectly right thing. I said out loud "Screw it!", and put the pipe to my mouth and lit it. It was an act of defiance. I knew it as soon as I lit the pipe. It was part impulse and part calculated attempt to escape my growing discomfort. I felt the familiar anesthetic pulse and heard the buzzing begin. I took another big hit and closed my eyes as my 15 foot wide floor to ceiling cd shelf frowned disapprovingly at me and the edges of everything in the room fractalized into disappointed hexagons.
I closed my eyes and a dark curtain fell, like unfurling dusty black velvet in an abandoned theater. Out of the darkness, to my left, I was shown an endless parade of dripping, obsolete circuitry, fidgeting with traceries of sick green light that fizzled to unimpressive sparks at the broken edges of the dead boards. White hot knives of silvery pain lanced every part of my mind and body, fusing the physical and mental parts of me into cauterized stumps of amputated ego debris. H.R. Giger style alien faces peered at me with pity and disgust. Rows of Giger bald goggle wearing stoics passed by me in some sort of uninterpretable judgement. I was sitting upright at this point. I gave into my misery and buried my head in my hands.
Another type of darkness surrounded me and I saw a blue orb in front of me. I could also see a blue version of my actual physical self from above, below and all perspectives. I felt a deep despair and said the phrase that so many of us know so well. "If I can get through this, I'll never take anther drug again". Then the first true entity in this experience spoke up. "Except THIS one / ME."
I sat up. I still had my eyes closed, but I could feel a presence very close to me. Right in front of my face. Suddenly, the anxiety, fear, feelings of hopeless desperation and dread left me. They were instantly replaced by the most incredible sense of joy I have ever felt.
I heard: "Oh my god! Your face!" and I opened my eyes. The face of my friend, inches from mine, tears streaming down his cheeks, smiling in mad ecstasy is what greeted me. He told me later, that right before I opened my eyes, a blast of bright blue energy blasted out from my head. Then again, he also told me about the purple sunset over by my drum set.
The rest was pure bliss, as I lay back on the floor, knowing that all of my anxieties and fears where worthless wastes of time and energy. Knowing that there was work to be done, and secure in the fact that it was something I could accomplish.
It was a productive night for my friend too. What an incredible tool this stuff is. I hope I can figure out how to use it well.
Does anyone have any opinions on using changa in times of crisis? Am I playing with fire?
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
