digital_phreedom
Rising Star
So.. I'm so ecstatic right now.. I just have to share this. This was my fourth time brewing Aya.. The first time I didn't do right, the second time worked but was with a very low dose of DMT, the third time didn't work (either bad, or not enough Chacruna), but this fourth time was incredible..
I brewed 60 grams Caapi, and 8 grams Mimosa for about 6 hours. Went outside under the stars, laying on a blanket.. And got ready. This time I didn't do all the mental preparation I normally do.. I think that sometimes all the mental prep actually contributes to some of my fear. I hold this stuff so high in my mind that I think sometimes I have psyched myself out.. Thinking about how powerful it is makes me very nervous. So while I still had some intentions in my heart, this was a much more care-free journey for me. I was a little nervous that not giving it the proper thought could end up having the opposite of the intended effects, but it ended up working very well. And I'm still all for good preparation, mental and physical, and proper intentions, but this was just the way I needed to do it for me this time.
T - 1 hr: Took 50mg dramamine. Very good decision, helped with the "spinning" I get sometimes, and made the nausea bearable. (Dramamine has helped greatly with my last few boosters of Iboga as well)
T + 0: Drank the Caapi in one shot. 60 grams made with about 2 liters of water, reduced to about 1 oz of liquid.. Yuck!! I didn't filter it this time as well. I mean, I got all the big plant material out, but the little chunks and stuff I left in this time. It was very gritty and hard to choke down. But a few sips of orange juice took the taste away quickly.
T + 15: Took my first big sip of Mimosa. Probably half of the drink, so about 4 grams worth.
T + 25: Not feeling anything.. Nothing from the Caapi, nothing from the Mimosa.. Getting a little bummed that I might have just wasted 6 hours only to mess something up in the brew. Last time I felt the Mimosa immediately after I drank it. And I mean immediately, within seconds. Decide to drink some more Mimosa just in case, took another sip, I've now consumed at least 2/3 of the Mimosa, so a good 6 grams worth.
T + 35: Still not feeling much.. First alerts maybe, but I can't be sure at this point. Also, not sure if there was a meteor shower, or if it was just a magical lucky night for me, but at this point I've seen 4 shooting stars! Beautiful, but kind of tricky.. Wasn't sure if it was in my head the first couple times.. Hahaha, made me laugh.
T + 45: Ok.. Time gets sketchy from here on. The strong part of the experience lasts about 2 hours.. So I don't think I'll comment too much more on the time, but here's what happened.
The buzzing is back.. I know this is going to be real this time. I'm laying down with my head on a pillow looking at the stars when I get the familiar vibration in my body. It always startles me with it's strength. Immediately I get the FEAR. Complete panic. "Oh my god... WHY do I keep doing this to myself? Forget DMT.. It's not for me. Why on earth do people like this? I don't want to be scared for the next several hours.."
The vibrating speeds up and gains strength. I think about making myself purge to try to lighten the experience.. I'm terrified. I lean up and rest on my elbow, to prepare to make myself purge.. But as soon as I lean up the fear subsides, and the vibration slows down a bit. I remember that I still have some control over this. Everything feels so much better. The effects are there.. slowly building up in waves. I decide to remain leaning up for awhile.. Because it seems that when I'm lying still, that's when the intensity starts to scare me.
Still no strong visual effects. I'm wondering why. I know DMT is supposed to be one of the most visual things out there.. I'm not doing it for the visuals, but it just makes me wonder if I'm not taking enough, or somehow different from others.. This is soon answered though
I look up at the stars and everything starts to shatter a bit.. There are halos coming off everything, especially things in my periphery. When I close my eyes I can start to see swirling patterns of color. I decide I'm ready to take this to the next level and ride with it. I want to change my music.. Usually I listen to Shpongle for experiences like this.. But in the past it's kind of held a dark undertone and scared me a bit. Flipping through my IPOD I stop when I see "Tool" and think that will be perfect.. Yeah, it's kind of heavy.. But the lyrics from the "Lateralus" album are exactly what I need at this moment. I switch to the track "Parabol", which is followed by "Parabola". Part of the lyrics are:
---------------
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Twirling round with this familiar parabol.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. we are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.
------------
Perfect!! It's so perfect.. The lyrics are so true and comforting to me.. The first song builds slowly into the next where those lyrics start.. As soon as the distorted guitar hits in the "Parabola" track, everything takes off. Colors are swirling everywhere.. I see the same things with my eyes opened or closed. Geometric patterns, everything growing and morphing in fractal patterns.. It's so beautiful. I'm thinking "Hmm.. This isn't very spiritual yet. Normally I'm always thinking about crazy philosophical life stuff, but right now I just feel... AWESOME." My body is vibrating with energy. My muscles are twitching involuntarily. I'm tensing and releasing.. Shivering. Staying grounded in my breath. It feels like the best ecstasy ever. I feel absolutely amazing. But then I notice my stomach.. It's starting to grumble and I'm getting nauseas. I lean up with my head over the grass and prepare for the purge.
It comes violently, but I don't mind.. After the first purge I open my eyes and see faces in the grass staring back at me, smiling. I laugh. I purge a few more times, then when it's finally over I wipe my mouth off and crash my head back down onto my pillow.. I'm freezing cold, but know it's just from the DMT.. I cover myself completely with my blankets and this is when it really begins.
The music is taking me on a journey.. At this point it's only been a few minutes since it all started.. And this really intense part only lasted maybe 20 or 30 minutes tops, then things slowly recede. But the intense part.. The music was amazing. I was literally laughing out loud. I couldn't believe how happy I was and how good I felt. For a few minutes I just enjoy the visuals.. Since I'm under a blanket it doesn't matter if my eyes are open or closed, it's all black (except for the swirling galaxy of millions of colors, haha) It was so beautiful. I saw a beautiful lattice/grid thing of colors, that was flowing like it was attached to a ribbon that was gliding in the wind. It's changing speeds and direction, flowing with the music in my ears. I'm in awe of the beauty. Then I start seeing more.. It becomes 3-dimensional. It seems to slide back, as if it was resting on top of a door, and someone just opened the door. This happens several times, each time leading me into another dimension.
Then it finally starts to get spiritual.. Much deeper. The colors and patterns are still there, but I'm more in my head now. Seeing things as though they're real, but I know it's in my minds eye. These thoughts keep going through my head.
It's not real.. It IS real though.. It's all just me. It's been me all along. Is this some kind of test? Whatever it is, I know I chose it. I. I. I. It's all me.. It's always been me, the whole time.
Then, the weirdest thing about the trip I think happened here.. I start reliving old memories. People I've seen throughout my life. I'm going to see friends. Buying drugs. Going to the store. Seeing family.. All these people from my life. Friends, ex's, family, co-workers, etc. I see them at a distance at first. Then they notice me looking at them, and everytime someone sees me, they quickly fly up to me, grab my face and look me in the eye. From a distance it looked like they were who I knew them to be, but when they got right up to my face I looked them in the eye and saw my own face. Everytime. It was just me. Everyone was just me. I heard their voices whispering my name. It seemed to be coming from everyone. Over and over, my name, my face. Everyone. Every time. Everything. It was very intense. But reinforced my belief that we're all connected. There's no basic difference between you and me. We're all god, experiencing itself subjectively.
I was the entire universe, and the entire universe was me. I had a few thoughts about my past problems with addiction, or bad choices I've made.. But those started to scare me a little bit, and I decided I wasn't quite ready to go there yet. I know that most would consider what I took to be a big dose, but I can still it can still go much deeper. Perhaps I have a naturally high tolerance for this stuff. Either way, I decided it wasn't the time to delve into the darkness just yet. I'm still very new to the world of Aya/DMT, and I think this was just the experience I needed at this time. It reminded me how beautiful everything is, and how lucky I am for this body and this life. And it finally showed me that Aya can be friendly as well..
Eventually I couldn't take my shivers anymore, and went in to take a shower.. Ooooh what fun! Haha.. But after that things had mostly wound down. The whole experience had only lasted about two hours from the time I first drank the Caapi. It was nice and light. And I am very grateful for it. I know though that if I am to continue on this path with Aya, I will require more in the future, and have to be prepared to confront things that may be uncomfortable. I see now the true possibilities for healing that are possible. But the best thing is that I'm not so afraid anymore. I always get a sudden surge of panic when the vibrating starts, but I feel like I'm now more equipped to handle it. This is what I needed to be able to delve deeper in the future.
What a gift.
Thanks for reading.
I brewed 60 grams Caapi, and 8 grams Mimosa for about 6 hours. Went outside under the stars, laying on a blanket.. And got ready. This time I didn't do all the mental preparation I normally do.. I think that sometimes all the mental prep actually contributes to some of my fear. I hold this stuff so high in my mind that I think sometimes I have psyched myself out.. Thinking about how powerful it is makes me very nervous. So while I still had some intentions in my heart, this was a much more care-free journey for me. I was a little nervous that not giving it the proper thought could end up having the opposite of the intended effects, but it ended up working very well. And I'm still all for good preparation, mental and physical, and proper intentions, but this was just the way I needed to do it for me this time.
T - 1 hr: Took 50mg dramamine. Very good decision, helped with the "spinning" I get sometimes, and made the nausea bearable. (Dramamine has helped greatly with my last few boosters of Iboga as well)
T + 0: Drank the Caapi in one shot. 60 grams made with about 2 liters of water, reduced to about 1 oz of liquid.. Yuck!! I didn't filter it this time as well. I mean, I got all the big plant material out, but the little chunks and stuff I left in this time. It was very gritty and hard to choke down. But a few sips of orange juice took the taste away quickly.
T + 15: Took my first big sip of Mimosa. Probably half of the drink, so about 4 grams worth.
T + 25: Not feeling anything.. Nothing from the Caapi, nothing from the Mimosa.. Getting a little bummed that I might have just wasted 6 hours only to mess something up in the brew. Last time I felt the Mimosa immediately after I drank it. And I mean immediately, within seconds. Decide to drink some more Mimosa just in case, took another sip, I've now consumed at least 2/3 of the Mimosa, so a good 6 grams worth.
T + 35: Still not feeling much.. First alerts maybe, but I can't be sure at this point. Also, not sure if there was a meteor shower, or if it was just a magical lucky night for me, but at this point I've seen 4 shooting stars! Beautiful, but kind of tricky.. Wasn't sure if it was in my head the first couple times.. Hahaha, made me laugh.
T + 45: Ok.. Time gets sketchy from here on. The strong part of the experience lasts about 2 hours.. So I don't think I'll comment too much more on the time, but here's what happened.
The buzzing is back.. I know this is going to be real this time. I'm laying down with my head on a pillow looking at the stars when I get the familiar vibration in my body. It always startles me with it's strength. Immediately I get the FEAR. Complete panic. "Oh my god... WHY do I keep doing this to myself? Forget DMT.. It's not for me. Why on earth do people like this? I don't want to be scared for the next several hours.."
The vibrating speeds up and gains strength. I think about making myself purge to try to lighten the experience.. I'm terrified. I lean up and rest on my elbow, to prepare to make myself purge.. But as soon as I lean up the fear subsides, and the vibration slows down a bit. I remember that I still have some control over this. Everything feels so much better. The effects are there.. slowly building up in waves. I decide to remain leaning up for awhile.. Because it seems that when I'm lying still, that's when the intensity starts to scare me.
Still no strong visual effects. I'm wondering why. I know DMT is supposed to be one of the most visual things out there.. I'm not doing it for the visuals, but it just makes me wonder if I'm not taking enough, or somehow different from others.. This is soon answered though
I look up at the stars and everything starts to shatter a bit.. There are halos coming off everything, especially things in my periphery. When I close my eyes I can start to see swirling patterns of color. I decide I'm ready to take this to the next level and ride with it. I want to change my music.. Usually I listen to Shpongle for experiences like this.. But in the past it's kind of held a dark undertone and scared me a bit. Flipping through my IPOD I stop when I see "Tool" and think that will be perfect.. Yeah, it's kind of heavy.. But the lyrics from the "Lateralus" album are exactly what I need at this moment. I switch to the track "Parabol", which is followed by "Parabola". Part of the lyrics are:
---------------
We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in
This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.
Twirling round with this familiar parabol.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.
This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. we are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.
------------
Perfect!! It's so perfect.. The lyrics are so true and comforting to me.. The first song builds slowly into the next where those lyrics start.. As soon as the distorted guitar hits in the "Parabola" track, everything takes off. Colors are swirling everywhere.. I see the same things with my eyes opened or closed. Geometric patterns, everything growing and morphing in fractal patterns.. It's so beautiful. I'm thinking "Hmm.. This isn't very spiritual yet. Normally I'm always thinking about crazy philosophical life stuff, but right now I just feel... AWESOME." My body is vibrating with energy. My muscles are twitching involuntarily. I'm tensing and releasing.. Shivering. Staying grounded in my breath. It feels like the best ecstasy ever. I feel absolutely amazing. But then I notice my stomach.. It's starting to grumble and I'm getting nauseas. I lean up with my head over the grass and prepare for the purge.
It comes violently, but I don't mind.. After the first purge I open my eyes and see faces in the grass staring back at me, smiling. I laugh. I purge a few more times, then when it's finally over I wipe my mouth off and crash my head back down onto my pillow.. I'm freezing cold, but know it's just from the DMT.. I cover myself completely with my blankets and this is when it really begins.
The music is taking me on a journey.. At this point it's only been a few minutes since it all started.. And this really intense part only lasted maybe 20 or 30 minutes tops, then things slowly recede. But the intense part.. The music was amazing. I was literally laughing out loud. I couldn't believe how happy I was and how good I felt. For a few minutes I just enjoy the visuals.. Since I'm under a blanket it doesn't matter if my eyes are open or closed, it's all black (except for the swirling galaxy of millions of colors, haha) It was so beautiful. I saw a beautiful lattice/grid thing of colors, that was flowing like it was attached to a ribbon that was gliding in the wind. It's changing speeds and direction, flowing with the music in my ears. I'm in awe of the beauty. Then I start seeing more.. It becomes 3-dimensional. It seems to slide back, as if it was resting on top of a door, and someone just opened the door. This happens several times, each time leading me into another dimension.
Then it finally starts to get spiritual.. Much deeper. The colors and patterns are still there, but I'm more in my head now. Seeing things as though they're real, but I know it's in my minds eye. These thoughts keep going through my head.
It's not real.. It IS real though.. It's all just me. It's been me all along. Is this some kind of test? Whatever it is, I know I chose it. I. I. I. It's all me.. It's always been me, the whole time.
Then, the weirdest thing about the trip I think happened here.. I start reliving old memories. People I've seen throughout my life. I'm going to see friends. Buying drugs. Going to the store. Seeing family.. All these people from my life. Friends, ex's, family, co-workers, etc. I see them at a distance at first. Then they notice me looking at them, and everytime someone sees me, they quickly fly up to me, grab my face and look me in the eye. From a distance it looked like they were who I knew them to be, but when they got right up to my face I looked them in the eye and saw my own face. Everytime. It was just me. Everyone was just me. I heard their voices whispering my name. It seemed to be coming from everyone. Over and over, my name, my face. Everyone. Every time. Everything. It was very intense. But reinforced my belief that we're all connected. There's no basic difference between you and me. We're all god, experiencing itself subjectively.
I was the entire universe, and the entire universe was me. I had a few thoughts about my past problems with addiction, or bad choices I've made.. But those started to scare me a little bit, and I decided I wasn't quite ready to go there yet. I know that most would consider what I took to be a big dose, but I can still it can still go much deeper. Perhaps I have a naturally high tolerance for this stuff. Either way, I decided it wasn't the time to delve into the darkness just yet. I'm still very new to the world of Aya/DMT, and I think this was just the experience I needed at this time. It reminded me how beautiful everything is, and how lucky I am for this body and this life. And it finally showed me that Aya can be friendly as well..
Eventually I couldn't take my shivers anymore, and went in to take a shower.. Ooooh what fun! Haha.. But after that things had mostly wound down. The whole experience had only lasted about two hours from the time I first drank the Caapi. It was nice and light. And I am very grateful for it. I know though that if I am to continue on this path with Aya, I will require more in the future, and have to be prepared to confront things that may be uncomfortable. I see now the true possibilities for healing that are possible. But the best thing is that I'm not so afraid anymore. I always get a sudden surge of panic when the vibrating starts, but I feel like I'm now more equipped to handle it. This is what I needed to be able to delve deeper in the future.
What a gift.
Thanks for reading.
