Following 3 ceremonies last week, this weekend I went back to the place I first drank Ayahuasca years ago for a weekend retreat. This was a very important weekend. Only "veterans" this time, perfect setting to go deep. A trust in my dear friend that has held ceremonies for 20 years now. And deep it went. This was next level, and feels like in top 5 of my lifetime. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like myself again.
Its very tempting to jump in again soon, but 5 ceremonies in less than 2 weeks probably needs to settle. Part of me feels now is the time, another part of me feel i should "hang up the phone" for a bit.
Day 1:
Apparently the ceremonies last week broke down allot of resistance. It was surprisingly easy to let go and allow myself to feel the pain. I could then observe the pain from a distance and allow myself my feel self sympathy. I was able to look at my darkest moments when i wanted to die, without fear. Followed by so much love.
Day 2:
I was in outer space, designing and building a cosmic love machine. It was with such crisp clarity. As the intensity rose, It became a exercise in focusing on my breath. Trying so just stay in the moment and allow whatever comes without judgment. It was so intense, so very intense as it was building. But no fear.
The Hu, Wolf Totem started playing. Energy started building up, building and building and building as I was rocking back and forth on my knees with my head buried in my pillow. My whole body started vibrating. I couldn't contain the energy any more, It consumed me. I couldn't stop it, didn't want to stop it. I started SCREAMING intense cosmic bliss into my pillow while still rocking back and forth. As I dissolved into the blissful scream, I suddenly found myself running trough the Jungle as a powerful hunting black jaguar. I was fueled with its power and strength. A powerful masculine strength like Ive never felt before. This is my first time ever becoming a animal!
Later I started re-living that memory, didn't want to forget it. I started building crystal containers to store the memory. To never forget that feeling, so I can remind myself. To protect and cherish the memory forever. I was immersed in a crystal dimension, observing the memory unfolding as i was building its container.
This escalated into building protective containers for the people I love. This went on for a long time. As i got deeper, the most sacred, deepest and protected container in my heart started emerging. The love for my daughter. The intense need to be there and to protect her, no matter where in the world we are. A love that no one can take away from me, no matter what. Not even death
And so much more, but that's private
Its very tempting to jump in again soon, but 5 ceremonies in less than 2 weeks probably needs to settle. Part of me feels now is the time, another part of me feel i should "hang up the phone" for a bit.
Day 1:
Apparently the ceremonies last week broke down allot of resistance. It was surprisingly easy to let go and allow myself to feel the pain. I could then observe the pain from a distance and allow myself my feel self sympathy. I was able to look at my darkest moments when i wanted to die, without fear. Followed by so much love.
Day 2:
I was in outer space, designing and building a cosmic love machine. It was with such crisp clarity. As the intensity rose, It became a exercise in focusing on my breath. Trying so just stay in the moment and allow whatever comes without judgment. It was so intense, so very intense as it was building. But no fear.
The Hu, Wolf Totem started playing. Energy started building up, building and building and building as I was rocking back and forth on my knees with my head buried in my pillow. My whole body started vibrating. I couldn't contain the energy any more, It consumed me. I couldn't stop it, didn't want to stop it. I started SCREAMING intense cosmic bliss into my pillow while still rocking back and forth. As I dissolved into the blissful scream, I suddenly found myself running trough the Jungle as a powerful hunting black jaguar. I was fueled with its power and strength. A powerful masculine strength like Ive never felt before. This is my first time ever becoming a animal!
Later I started re-living that memory, didn't want to forget it. I started building crystal containers to store the memory. To never forget that feeling, so I can remind myself. To protect and cherish the memory forever. I was immersed in a crystal dimension, observing the memory unfolding as i was building its container.
This escalated into building protective containers for the people I love. This went on for a long time. As i got deeper, the most sacred, deepest and protected container in my heart started emerging. The love for my daughter. The intense need to be there and to protect her, no matter where in the world we are. A love that no one can take away from me, no matter what. Not even death
And so much more, but that's private
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