THE HITS
It will be my third time taking the spice. This time, my boyfriend is holding the pipe for me. I slowly take the first hit, hold it in for a few seconds and exhale.
While I take the second, all the colors start to change into highly saturated, natural golden colors: the colors of indian summer. The edges of my boyfriend's face and fingers sharpen, his skin becomes almost transparent. It feels as if the world is coming in on me.
I have listened to the Terence McKenna talk really well so I go for the third hit. While i inhale through the pipe, the edges of everything sharpen as their contents become translucent and disappear. At the same time, the air in the room starts to form geometrical patterns, like a hologram. It starts coming in on me, i have taken enough and pull away from the pipe. My bofriend says: Take some more, but i shake my head.
DOWN THE DRAIN
As i lie down on the couch, everything normal dissolves almost instantly into geometrical patterns. I washes over me like a wave, it takes me in. I feel a horrible death fear, as if falling backward into a canyon and with my right arm I reach out to hold on to reality, 'NO, HELP!' but i am drawn in. For a few more seconds, there's the faint memory of another, safer place than this sea, but it disappears as the field forms and moves all around me I look down to where my body would be, but there is no body, only the field. It is a sea of orange and white cubes with black lines and occasionally the first three letters of my last name drifting together, but those too disappear. I shortly think: If I have no body, then who is thinking these thoughts? This is it, this is forever, there is no other world, this is where i will exist, i tell myself. Words fail to describe the profoundness of this realization.
I am absolutely terrified. The fear is existential, deep. By now, time and space are endless. Everything is everywhere and there is only eternity. As I am pulled further down, I look up and see three geometrical 'knots' in the field. They are people i love, but i know they're gone, lost in the field.
GIVING UP
The only solution is giving up. There is an entity, a comforting presence - she is my sister. I feel immense gratefulness for who she is through the frightening horror of losing myself to the field. I know this is forever and i need to relax. By now, there is absolutely no more awareness of any other reality than the universal field. However horrible it is, i breathe out and try to relax. The field responds by speeding up and forming even more complicated patterns. This scares me, i tighten, and immediately out of the field pop small scary little jokers with the sound of bubble plastic snapping. I know i have to let go, breathe out again and the field starts again racing in on me. I scare, jokers again, and this repeats several times.
I am trying to breathe through the existential fear. The field responds to my panting. Then i start producing a deep 'sound' which is not heard but felt and seen as the field resonates with it and i start floating. I am still scared but this feels like it 'helps'. I keep producing the sound, ever higher and higher, and by doing so my body is expanding over unmeasurable distances, spreading all over and into the field.
MEANWHILE, IN REAL LIFE
My boyfriend and friend are worried. My eyes are closed but the look on my face is scared, my arms and legs are wide apart, my mouth wide open as could be and i am screaming an ever higher sound which they have never heard coming from a person before. They decide to check on me.
I hear my name, my boyfriend pulls me out (he later told me he only touched my foot), asking if everything is ok. I open my eyes, shortly see something like my own living room but it is immediately replaced by the field again. But it is enough. I am reliefed, suddenly i know: yes, there IS another world which i know, i took this drug to do this to me, everything is ok. I can hardly talk, as time is still stretched over years and there is a great distance between words and their meaning. I can only speak instinctively. I tell them: no, this was not fun at all. But i'm ok. Time is coming back. This is the fun part of the trip, let me enjoy it for some time.
THE FUN PART
Whenever i close my eyes, i'm back in another world. It's a totally different field now, stranger than you have ever seen in normal life but ultimately comforting and amusing, maybe because of what i have just been through. There are long holographic hallways stretching in all three dimensions with small devil- and monster-like creatures existing in the walls, communicating some friendly messages. It's fun to close my eyes and go there. It's beautiful with dark metallic shades of purple, blue, green and silver gray.
WOW
Time is coming back real fast now, and so is language. I start talking. The experience of the first part of the trip, before they pulled me out, must have been the most profound, existential, terrifying, unanticipated of my life, but the trauma is fastly replaced by wonder, awe and gratefulnes.
To experience eternity and to lose the dimensions of space, is unimaginable. One has to live it to know it. It was only a minute until they took me out, and this is still jaw-dropping to me. It's like a peek-hole into another universe or realm.
TIPS
My previous experience in buddhist meditation, extensive reading on consciousness theory and several hours of listening to Lorenzo's 'podcasts from cyberdelic space' have been a good preparation for this experience, in as far as someone could prepare for it. I am convinced (as buddhists and many contemporary western consciousness scientists are) the ego is a convenient construct and we trick ourselves into our story all the time in a very convincing way. It is this inner knowledge that led me to instinctively trying to relax within the storm of fear. I do believe i was approaching the point of losing the ego in this experience. I would recommend this kind of preparation to anyone considering to take the drug. Start here on DMT-nexus and also search on youtube for "DMT + McKenna".
It will be my third time taking the spice. This time, my boyfriend is holding the pipe for me. I slowly take the first hit, hold it in for a few seconds and exhale.
While I take the second, all the colors start to change into highly saturated, natural golden colors: the colors of indian summer. The edges of my boyfriend's face and fingers sharpen, his skin becomes almost transparent. It feels as if the world is coming in on me.
I have listened to the Terence McKenna talk really well so I go for the third hit. While i inhale through the pipe, the edges of everything sharpen as their contents become translucent and disappear. At the same time, the air in the room starts to form geometrical patterns, like a hologram. It starts coming in on me, i have taken enough and pull away from the pipe. My bofriend says: Take some more, but i shake my head.
DOWN THE DRAIN
As i lie down on the couch, everything normal dissolves almost instantly into geometrical patterns. I washes over me like a wave, it takes me in. I feel a horrible death fear, as if falling backward into a canyon and with my right arm I reach out to hold on to reality, 'NO, HELP!' but i am drawn in. For a few more seconds, there's the faint memory of another, safer place than this sea, but it disappears as the field forms and moves all around me I look down to where my body would be, but there is no body, only the field. It is a sea of orange and white cubes with black lines and occasionally the first three letters of my last name drifting together, but those too disappear. I shortly think: If I have no body, then who is thinking these thoughts? This is it, this is forever, there is no other world, this is where i will exist, i tell myself. Words fail to describe the profoundness of this realization.
I am absolutely terrified. The fear is existential, deep. By now, time and space are endless. Everything is everywhere and there is only eternity. As I am pulled further down, I look up and see three geometrical 'knots' in the field. They are people i love, but i know they're gone, lost in the field.
GIVING UP
The only solution is giving up. There is an entity, a comforting presence - she is my sister. I feel immense gratefulness for who she is through the frightening horror of losing myself to the field. I know this is forever and i need to relax. By now, there is absolutely no more awareness of any other reality than the universal field. However horrible it is, i breathe out and try to relax. The field responds by speeding up and forming even more complicated patterns. This scares me, i tighten, and immediately out of the field pop small scary little jokers with the sound of bubble plastic snapping. I know i have to let go, breathe out again and the field starts again racing in on me. I scare, jokers again, and this repeats several times.
I am trying to breathe through the existential fear. The field responds to my panting. Then i start producing a deep 'sound' which is not heard but felt and seen as the field resonates with it and i start floating. I am still scared but this feels like it 'helps'. I keep producing the sound, ever higher and higher, and by doing so my body is expanding over unmeasurable distances, spreading all over and into the field.
MEANWHILE, IN REAL LIFE
My boyfriend and friend are worried. My eyes are closed but the look on my face is scared, my arms and legs are wide apart, my mouth wide open as could be and i am screaming an ever higher sound which they have never heard coming from a person before. They decide to check on me.
I hear my name, my boyfriend pulls me out (he later told me he only touched my foot), asking if everything is ok. I open my eyes, shortly see something like my own living room but it is immediately replaced by the field again. But it is enough. I am reliefed, suddenly i know: yes, there IS another world which i know, i took this drug to do this to me, everything is ok. I can hardly talk, as time is still stretched over years and there is a great distance between words and their meaning. I can only speak instinctively. I tell them: no, this was not fun at all. But i'm ok. Time is coming back. This is the fun part of the trip, let me enjoy it for some time.
THE FUN PART
Whenever i close my eyes, i'm back in another world. It's a totally different field now, stranger than you have ever seen in normal life but ultimately comforting and amusing, maybe because of what i have just been through. There are long holographic hallways stretching in all three dimensions with small devil- and monster-like creatures existing in the walls, communicating some friendly messages. It's fun to close my eyes and go there. It's beautiful with dark metallic shades of purple, blue, green and silver gray.
WOW
Time is coming back real fast now, and so is language. I start talking. The experience of the first part of the trip, before they pulled me out, must have been the most profound, existential, terrifying, unanticipated of my life, but the trauma is fastly replaced by wonder, awe and gratefulnes.
To experience eternity and to lose the dimensions of space, is unimaginable. One has to live it to know it. It was only a minute until they took me out, and this is still jaw-dropping to me. It's like a peek-hole into another universe or realm.
TIPS
My previous experience in buddhist meditation, extensive reading on consciousness theory and several hours of listening to Lorenzo's 'podcasts from cyberdelic space' have been a good preparation for this experience, in as far as someone could prepare for it. I am convinced (as buddhists and many contemporary western consciousness scientists are) the ego is a convenient construct and we trick ourselves into our story all the time in a very convincing way. It is this inner knowledge that led me to instinctively trying to relax within the storm of fear. I do believe i was approaching the point of losing the ego in this experience. I would recommend this kind of preparation to anyone considering to take the drug. Start here on DMT-nexus and also search on youtube for "DMT + McKenna".
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