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Been considering Ayahuasca or DMT, never done hard drugs before

M

muenzuka

Rising Star
For quite i while ive met people who took drugs, psychedellic and embarked deep in spirituality, despite never doing them at all (barely drink and just learned how to smoke tobacco in my mid20s by sheer disinterest), and a pair of them actually did DMT and or Ayahuasca, and them and many threads tell they were instrumental in their self growth and discovery.

The thing is that talking to them is that i got to very similar conclusions and ideas (even if some of them are decades my senior), like accepting Jung's shadow and embracing up to a certain point, so as achieving some aspects of ego death, and most of them came by just reading a bit of philosophy, history, religion and just observing... I guess it also helped to grow up spending many summers in a lonesome desert, in contact of nature, with browsing, animu and drawing as my few outlets (picrel of a my artwork if that can present my subconscious in some manner, i mainly do this, cartoons and anime girls).
collage-2.png
But the thing is that I've been struggling longtime with deppresion, even though I'm in a better place now with a job, in shape, with some sperg friends and trying to live what's left of my youth. I was wondering if psychedellics could become of any help, since I've done enough introspection (that includes figuring and processing many past traumas), in dealing with my life perspective. Any ideas? Should i try Ayahuasca? Should i start with shrooms? Will it give me anymore introspection or help me deal with my traumas?
 
muenzuka said:
since I've done enough introspection
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Careful not to get ahead of yourself. The work never ends.

muenzuka said:
Should i try Ayahuasca? Should i start with shrooms? Will it give me anymore introspection or help me deal with my traumas?
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No one here can tell you what you should do and anyone who tries to should be evaluated skeptically.

Are you doing this to deepen your spiritual understanding and being? Are you interested in exploring these substances in order to help address your depression? Having a clear trajectory can help you come to the answer you need to decide on.

They have the potential to help you introspect further and to be able to heal traumas, but there's very little that they'll do for you. Inside and outside the space, you have to do the work.

One love
 
Ive used art and other methods of expression as a way to connect with my subconscious through my life, i think this may be the next step in my journey.

And idk, many times ive been told that my artwork is more deserving of a junkie so i wonder what would happen if i effectively do take part in an altered state of conscience.

I keep doing the work by journaling, making art and in general trying to have nature retreats from time to time. I just want to explore this other option.
 
Voidmatrix said:
It might be right for you then.

Your art is already psychedelic ;)

Well, I am a psychedelic guide, I prep people for these experiences for a living, so if you need any help feel free to shoot me a PM.

One love
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Will do.
But just for curiosity, do you guys now how to interpret these pieces? They come to me by improvising, most of my pieces i did while talking to friends on the phone, yet i have ni idea what can i do with them at the end, ive talked with therapists, but they dont seem to give much of help.
 
These will be brief.

The first one is reminiscent of ideals of a harmony between nature and technology and out hand in that.

The second one seems like a depiction of an expanding awareness.

Third one makes me think of perhaps of view of the beauty of death.

The fourth looks like finding oneself, or one being fractured into parts.

The fifth one is just cool! It's a beautiful heart. Perhaps that came from your heart.

The sixth one seems to appeal to absurdism as well as surrealism, since it looks like a mountain on a tent.

I could be totally off with all of these.

You tell me.

One love
 
Plan to expand your color pallet. ;)

As to your "yes or no" question, I'll vote "yes". You don't have to do it again if you don't like it. But if you decide to wait, how will you know when is the right time to give it a try?

If you don't know what your art means, perhaps it doesn't have a meaning. Art isn't required to have meaning. On the other hand, when your art has intent you'll know what it means.
 
DancinDog said:
Plan to expand your color pallet. ;)

As to your "yes or no" question, I'll vote "yes". You don't have to do it again if you don't like it. But if you decide to wait, how will you know when is the right time to give it a try?

If you don't know what your art means, perhaps it doesn't have a meaning. Art isn't required to have meaning. On the other hand, when your art has intent you'll know what it means.
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They say that art expressions like drawings can be a channel for the subconscious to come out, one can learn a lot of the person by analyzing their drawings.
 
muenzuka said:
And idk, many times ive been told that my artwork is more deserving of a junkie so i wonder what would happen if i effectively do take part in an altered state of conscience.
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I would separate junkie culture and healing culture. This skill comes with practice, too.
Junkies use drugs to hide from themselves and tend to seek a new level of high.
Healing culture on the other hand is closer to what you write about (inner exploration and development).

My opinion is of course biased, but I think that you are in a better position with your background.
Having a strong foundation outside psychedelic use is something most of us struggle for a number of years.
Medicine use tend to destabilize one's ego and open new views on reality. Later on you start to understand more and seek a
day to day practice in order to integrate your experiences. And it can take a lot of time. As I said before, you are already long into this process.

About your choice of medicine, it's very personal. Read through the forum and get a feel for what is available.
Ayahuasca is a modern trend, and mushrooms can be just as healing. It all depends on the user.
I say your set and setting (ceremonial use, for example) make all the difference.
How you construct your medicinal space, your intention and approach will guide this process.

Start slow, don't compare yourself to others and feel if this practice is right for you.
You have a lot of knowledgeable people here, so ask away.

Take Care 🙏
 
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northape said:
I would separate junkie culture and healing culture. This skill comes with practice, too.
Junkies use drugs to hide from themselves and tend to seek a new level of high.
Healing culture on the other hand is closer to what you write about (inner exploration and development).

My opinion is of course biased, but I think that you are in a better position with your background.
Having a strong foundation outside psychedelic use is something most of us struggle for a number of years.
Medicine use tend to destabilize one's ego and open new views on reality. Later on you start to understand more and seek a
day to day practice in order to integrate your experiences. And it can take a lot of time. As I said before, you are already long into this process.

About your choice of medicine, it's very personal. Read through the forum and get a feel for what is available.
Ayahuasca is a modern trend, and mushrooms can be just as healing. It all depends on the user.
I say your set and setting (ceremonial use, for example) make all the difference.
How you construct your medicinal space, your intention and approach will guide this process.

Start slow, don't compare yourself to others and feel if this practice is right for you.
You have a lot of knowledgeable people here, so ask away.

Take Care 🙏
Click to expand...
I guess a question that has arisen these last days if im misinterpreting my depression/ chronic low self esteem with a dilute ego.

Through my life i was told either by actions, reactions or words of many close people that my presence or existence wasnt needed or desirable, which led me to believe that i was all of the bad things i could think of, then i tended to accept it, that no matter what i did would never be enough to please everyone, so i should live life as best as i could, and if someone happen to like me, then so be it (This is not a very helpful mindset if most people in your life are never that prone to help you, even if you tried to meet new people or try new things, so as believing that you are only capable of bad is not only reductionist but complacent in a way). That and an early religious thought of that God could see through all lies, that even lying/pretending to myself or others is just useless, that helped me in trying to find many things i had in denial while meditating or making art.

Only recently ive been noticing that my current existence is by the large part pleasant (although i may struggle to seem like so), but i wonder if im misinterpreting the consequences of a battered ego through trauma in my childhood/very late teenage years and a dilute one.
 
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muenzuka said:
I guess a question that has arisen these last days if im misinterpreting my depression/ chronic low self esteem with a dilute ego.

Through my life i was told either by actions, reactions or words of many close people that my presence or existence wasnt needed or desirable, which led me to believe that i was all of the bad things i could think of, then i tended to accept it, that no matter what i did would never be enough to please everyone, so i should live life as best as i could, and if someone happen to like me, then so be it (This is not a very helpful mindset if most people in your life are never that prone to help you, even if you tried to meet new people or try new things, so as believing that you are only capable of bad is not only reductionist but complacent in a way). That and an early religious thought of that God could see through all lies, that even lying/pretending to myself or others is just useless, that helped me in trying to find many things i had in denial while meditating or making art.

Only recently ive been noticing that my current existence is by the large part pleasant (although i may struggle to seem like so), but i wonder if im misinterpreting the consequences of a battered ego through trauma in my childhood/very late teenage years and a dilute one.
Click to expand...

I hear you.
No one is going to give you a certain answer, especially through the net.
If you have no mental illness in your family line, psychedelic medicine could be a useful tool for you, imo.
Sounds like you have been pondering your situation for a while, but it's still very mental, and you need to know for sure.
Medicine can give you this shift in perspective. No words would really go through to these deep layers.
I'm in total agreement with other reply:

quantumtantra said:
Forge the word, trust your soul and your intention, a true entheogenic experience could relief your depression in one dose
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I'd add that medicine answers a true call for help.
Wait and hear other responses. Just going by what you have shared, seem to me like you are on the right path.
Somehow you ended up here. The old notion that one session could be like ten years of psychotherapy holds true for many.

Maybe chat with Voidmatrix. This is more his area of expertise.
Each life is valuable and unique. We all have a place and right to be here, just because we are.
God or whatever this word means is here in all and the light of grace is pouring constantly like the sun.

Take Care and Much Love ❤️
 
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northape said:
I would separate junkie culture and healing culture. This skill comes with practice, too.
Junkies use drugs to hide from themselves and tend to seek a new level of high.
Healing culture on the other hand is closer to what you write about (inner exploration and development).

My opinion is of course biased, but I think that you are in a better position with your background.
Having a strong foundation outside psychedelic use is something most of us struggle for a number of years.
Medicine use tend to destabilize one's ego and open new views on reality. Later on you start to understand more and seek a
day to day practice in order to integrate your experiences. And it can take a lot of time. As I said before, you are already long into this process.

About your choice of medicine, it's very personal. Read through the forum and get a feel for what is available.
Ayahuasca is a modern trend, and mushrooms can be just as healing. It all depends on the user.
I say your set and setting (ceremonial use, for example) make all the difference.
How you construct your medicinal space, your intention and approach will guide this process.

Start slow, don't compare yourself to others and feel if this practice is right for you.
You have a lot of knowledgeable people here, so ask away.

Take Care 🙏
Click to expand...
Northape, it makes a lot of sense. I also agree that having a solid foundation outside of psychedelics is important for integration.

I think there’s another, third, perspective that gets overlooked, the role of psychedelics in exploring consciousness itself. For me it’s not about escaping or about healing, the main driver is about fulfilling my curiosity using these substances as ways to explore how the brain, the soul, and reality are all connected. Experiencing entirely new feelings of time, self, and perception, leading to questions that don’t really make much sense is what it’s all about for me. These worlds most here call Hyperspace are worthy of exploration in itself.

Of course, set and setting still matter, and integration is just as important. But this kind of exploration has always been a major part of my motivation to use psychedelics.
 
Varallo said:
I think there’s another, third, perspective that gets overlooked, the role of psychedelics in exploring consciousness itself. For me it’s not about escaping or about healing, the main driver is about fulfilling my curiosity using these substances as ways to explore how the brain, the soul, and reality are all connected. Experiencing entirely new feelings of time, self, and perception, leading to questions that don’t really make much sense is what it’s all about for me. These worlds most here call Hyperspace are worthy of exploration in itself.
Click to expand...

To make myself more clear, I was giving a simplified binary explanation to differentiate the healing work.
Your perspective is perfectly valid, and in my book it is the last stage of healing. Another epithet for Buddha is The Great Healer (or something similar).
Our completely healed state is the same as Buddha or God. It's just that this kind of work usually starts when one's ego is somewhat sound.
Roots deep in the ground and head high in the sky. Total connection to the Cosmos, where all notion of separateness disappear.
🪷🙏
 
northape said:
I hear you.
No one is going to give you a certain answer, especially through the net.
If you have no mental illness in your family line, psychedelic medicine could be a useful tool for you, imo.
Sounds like you have been pondering your situation for a while, but it's still very mental, and you need to know for sure.
Medicine can give you this shift in perspective. No words would really go through to these deep layers.
I'm in total agreement with other reply:



I'd add that medicine answers a true call for help.
Wait and hear other responses. Just going by what you have shared, seem to me like you are on the right path.
Somehow you ended up here. The old notion that one session could be like ten years of psychotherapy holds true for many.

Maybe chat with Voidmatrix. This is more his area of expertise.
Each life is valuable and unique. We all have a place and right to be here, just because we are.
God or whatever this word means is here in all and the light of grace is pouring constantly like the sun.

Take Care and Much Love ❤️
Click to expand...
As far as i can tell, autism and some form of depression are recurrent in both sides of my family. Dont know how that can affect.
 
muenzuka said:
As far as i can tell, autism and some form of depression are recurrent in both sides of my family. Dont know how that can affect.
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It's fine by me. ;)
I was talking about a serious medical conditions like schizophrenia.
I'm on an autism spectrum and have been depressed for years before medicine work.
🙏
 
muenzuka said:
What do you mean by mental?
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Sorry if it was misleading. By mental, I mean that it's an intellectual understanding.
There is a big difference between our understanding and direct living experience.
For example, we can get an idea of what is wrong and how to change it, but we still need to live it in order to change.
In a psychedelic session, you could land in a state where your problem is solved and see how it feels to be free from it.
Later in your ordinary daily life, you would have a nice reference point and can work with your habits on a deeper level.
It's a simplification once again, but you should get the point.

🙏
 
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