Belated welcome!

I can relate to parts of your story, and think it's great you're willing to delay gratification on the breakthrough until you feel the time is right. IME the sub-breakthrough realm is a fascinating place all on it's own, worthy of exploring thoroughly before blasting by it on your way to the deeper levels.  :thumb_up:

I'm seeking to heal some old damage as well, although I haven't gone as far as attempting Aya yet. Do you feel it's been helpful for you even in smaller doses? My tendency seems to be looking at it as an all or nothing kind of thing, much more so than smoking. Although I've TRIED (but failed) several times at a smoked breakthrough, I think of Aya as a major commitment and don't yet feel prepared for spending hours totally at the mercy of the substance.

Oh and I see you've finally lost your flowerpot! Congratulations!