Breaking through without breaking through..

[Ash717]

Hello,
I am in my 50’s and have a long history of recreational lsd use. I quit for a number of years due to a degree of perma-fry. Those effects went away and I chose DMT to try ( mid 40s). I understand the spiritual nature of DMT it was one of the points which influenced my decision to use it. I have done breakthrough amounts probably 15x in the last 10 years and what I get is 1) animation 2) shapes as sound 3) blackout 4) come too in verious degrees of disorientation. I have tried to track the amount I use to achieve a breakthrough thinking I was overwhelmed and have it down pretty close to the “”with this I will , with this I won’t” stage.
Is blacking out common? How does one breakthrough and remember? If I can’t figure out how to stay conscious during my journey I don’t want to continue along that path. Any comments would be appreciated.

 

[universecannon]

I wouldn't say LSD, mushrooms or other psychedelics are inherently less spiritual than DMT. It's all about how you use them (or at least mostly)

Blackouts are fairly common at high doses. It's a lot for the ego to handle and sometimes it just cant bring anything back. I think people greatly under play how distorted and confusing DMT trips usually are at high doses. You might find smaller doses more useful, especially combined with yoga/movement, music and other techniques. Building the dose up slowly through a session and using harmalas or mushrooms or LSD as a platform works better for myself, as I don't think breakthroughs doses are necessary to get a lot of benefit

 

[Tripolation]

Hey Ash!

We are about the same age, I ain't far behind ya anyway.

DMT is a weird molecule to work with. As with any psychedelic, you have to develop a relationship with it, however, the DMT relationship can be particularly challenging. Whiteout or blackout experiences can be disappointing. I often feel like I just vaped myself into some profound dream only to lose it the moment I am coming back into reality, like gripping sand in your hand, it just falls through and disappears.

I would echo what UC stated above. I very much enjoy changa sessions and will often vape freebase during these sessions.

Things that you can try:

Set an intention to remember.

Look into lucid dreaming.

Consider adding ceremony, this helped me significantly.

Keep a journal, write down everything you can remember, all the impressions that you received, including emotions as soon as possible after an experience. This can profoundly help you remember more and integrate more.

Approach DMT in an experimental way. Find that sweet spot, try different doses, start low and titrate up, try different music, try sitting up, try laying down with a blindfold, try using your voice to chant or sing or hum. I very much enjoyed approaching DMT in this way, I found my fear was next to nothing when I am experimental, yet respectful.

I enjoy open eyes experiences with lighter sub threshold doses. I find them to be meditative, often I feel this deep calm wash over me and I get the feeling like my brain is working in an unrestrictive way, like its being washed. All the constructs I have about myself and the world fall to the wayside and I am left with just being aware of the experience, not naming or reaching or pulling away, just a great peaceful sense of beingness. I find that these lighter dose experience build a relationship with the molecule and deeper explorations are less jarring.

Most of all.. just accept what you get with no expectations of some result. Sometimes you may find months or even years later something clicks, integration can take a very long time in some cases. I am always very surprised at this effect, when days, months or even years later and I go 'AHA!' It is really hard to explain how or why this occurs for me, and I have heard others express similar.

Maybe DMT is just not your cup of tea and place it down. Get back to a baseline and maybe revisit DMT later on down the road. Hyperspace is not going anywhere. You can visit any time you like or say I saw it and am ready to move on. Some people are one and done and there is nothing wrong with that in my book.

Good luck in your adventures and I hope they becoming less amnesic!