Just got done with a sandwiched leaf session after some meditation with skullcap, mullein, damania, blue lotus and an intuition scoop the size of a matchhead in the center. The dose ended up not being very heavy but not very light it was perfect. The download from the meditation was to smoke this bowl slowly. So I did and took my time holding each breath allowing the bowl to smolder. I kept my eyes half open and fell into a trance for awhile and allowed the tibetan bowls to wash over me and through me. Nothing very visual about this journey it was all feeling.
After about 6-7 minutes, I came out of this and received a download to get back to running so I started some stretches put on my running shoes and went for a jog through the neighborhood. Purposefully going to areas I typically avoid due to constant gunfire and wearing clothes I'm not normally comfortable in to break out of reconditioned fear and barriers I have regressed into. I have not felt that alive in awhile and feel myself coming back into my body tonight and am so grateful for I felt I was truly losing myself there for awhile.
What I feel inspired the urgency to begin working today which I hadn't really worked this hard on myself in several months now completely letting myself go was In the astral plane earlier this morning in my dreams I saw an abhorrent digesting of myself in the most awful way, feeling like being waterboarded by eternity and was met with an equally disturbing reality of horrific creatures all holding me down waiting for me to digest myself and it was the most disturbing experience I've had in awhile (and I have a tolerance for disturbing imagery but this was something else) and the way it made me feel was hard to put into words for this physical reality. I definitely felt a deep purging of the soul when I awoke from that and had to sit through a very uncomfortable period of myself today but it was a reminder I need to seriously change something or I will regress too far.
I allowed myself to die again today.
Felt like a productive day and I'm just so happy to be feeling myself reconnecting even though I'm uncomfortable and know difficulties lie ahead I've been able to separate from this but accept it again. Allowing the koi fish to circle without grasping. Back on the timeline I want to be. It is an uncomfortable journey but one I am willing to take and thankful for. The only way out is through! One day at a time.
I am so thankful DMT exists and so thankful for all of you. Keep your head up and just know that you are loved
I love how the mimosas are so light sensitive. Good night lil star seed
After about 6-7 minutes, I came out of this and received a download to get back to running so I started some stretches put on my running shoes and went for a jog through the neighborhood. Purposefully going to areas I typically avoid due to constant gunfire and wearing clothes I'm not normally comfortable in to break out of reconditioned fear and barriers I have regressed into. I have not felt that alive in awhile and feel myself coming back into my body tonight and am so grateful for I felt I was truly losing myself there for awhile.
What I feel inspired the urgency to begin working today which I hadn't really worked this hard on myself in several months now completely letting myself go was In the astral plane earlier this morning in my dreams I saw an abhorrent digesting of myself in the most awful way, feeling like being waterboarded by eternity and was met with an equally disturbing reality of horrific creatures all holding me down waiting for me to digest myself and it was the most disturbing experience I've had in awhile (and I have a tolerance for disturbing imagery but this was something else) and the way it made me feel was hard to put into words for this physical reality. I definitely felt a deep purging of the soul when I awoke from that and had to sit through a very uncomfortable period of myself today but it was a reminder I need to seriously change something or I will regress too far.
I allowed myself to die again today.
Felt like a productive day and I'm just so happy to be feeling myself reconnecting even though I'm uncomfortable and know difficulties lie ahead I've been able to separate from this but accept it again. Allowing the koi fish to circle without grasping. Back on the timeline I want to be. It is an uncomfortable journey but one I am willing to take and thankful for. The only way out is through! One day at a time.
I am so thankful DMT exists and so thankful for all of you. Keep your head up and just know that you are loved
I love how the mimosas are so light sensitive. Good night lil star seed
