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unansweredquestions

Rising Star
Hi guys, i dont know why im posting this....why on here, i guess its because i respect you guys opinions. Youre a smart bunch.

Well, a parent of mine got diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer- its spread to a few places. She doesnt have much left... Im the youngest of the family and im trying to stay strong for everyone.

but im lost. I try to keep a smile, keep people laughing; the parent and the family....

the thing is, some times it hits me and i feel terrible. My brain seems to be 'forgetting' about it a lot, im pushing it to the side. I cant help it though, it seems to just be a defence mechanism. when i realise, i feel horrible for doing that aswell- just not thinking about it.

I also seem to be rationalising things ALOT. dealing with it from a purely rational point- whether its that i try to argue death is just passing. That death for the person is okay (either its a transitional thing to a greater place or its an end of pain- nothingness to me is almost a positive thing. At least in the sense that they wont be upset about it once it happens) I try to say that as long as she's happy and without pain, im okay. but again, i know this is just a coping mechanism.

I dont know if i have a question, or a discussion to start?

i guess, how would you deal with it? how have you? Any ideas how i can emotionally get involved in this?

i guess i just needed to vent...
 
So sorry to hear about his.. I can't imagine what you must be going through <3

I've had a few family members, and a bunch of friends parents get cancer..but never my parents

I'm not sure i can be of much emotional help here, but my heart goes out to you and the fam. I guess psychedelics have just given me a weird and accepting outlook on death. When it comes, i would much rather celebrate the persons life with joy and fond reminiscence than being stuck in a constant state of despair..and i know this is what they would want me to do as well. (although mourning can be healthy of course and part of the process).

Deaths a part of life that everything alive right now or in the past has, or will, go through.. so that alone leads me to see it as less of a terrible thing than how many people seem picture it. personally, i often doubt it is an endpoint of pure nothingness. Everything in this universe and in life is so unfathomably complex and bizarre, so why should death be any different? I don't have any solid opinions on it though.. and regardless of what happens i think the best thing you can do is to enjoy the time you have with them, be cheerful around them (they surely wouldn't enjoy seeing you sad all the time and it will enrich the time they have) and celebrate the life they've lived in a positive way

I would also try to not be so hard on yourself. I'm sure they don't want you beating yourself up about it. Its not your fault, and its normal to go through some heavy emotional turmoil of all sorts at this time. Just be yourself, be good to them, enjoy they're company, and you wont' have to worry about how to "get emotionally involved" in this as you say. it will just flow naturally

just my 2 cents

much love to you brother (or sista)! keep us posted
 
I'm very sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your family.

I don't have much if any experience with things like this, but for advice, perhaps you should try and look at the bright side, as hard as that may be. Every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, although it may be early, you get an opportunity you may not have gotten otherwise. You get the chance to say goodbyes, and celebrate her life with her while she's still around rather than her passing unexpectedly. You're given time to think about and come to terms with her passing before it happens.

I don't mean to seem like I'm taking your situation lightly, but I guess what I'm trying to say is be positive, even if it seems difficult to do so.

I wish you the best.
 
My gf's sister is in surgery for cancer at this moment. Whenever she is upset, she simply calls her sister on the phone and has a nice long chat with her. My gf always hangs up the phone with a big loving smile on her face. My Prayers goes out to your family and your mother, I wish you the BEST.

My gf and I watched a documentaryBurzynski The Movie(about a doctor who might have cured cancer) over the weekend. We watched it with a bit of skeptism, but It's worth a look IMO (if you haven't already).
 
Hello unansweredquestions,

I can relate to where your coming from and I am sad for you. Personally all I can tell you is what worked for me.

DMT helped me to "cope" with the death of people who were close to me. As crazy as it may sound I would suggest that you travel to hyperspace and try to find some answers there, I would be willing to bet that the universe has something to show you that may be helpful.
 
I don't deal well with death of others. After DMT I have acquired a slightly different view on the death of myself. But when it comes to losing someone important, I try to hold myself together as well as I can, but when the wave hits I let go and let it out. This works for me. I believe that you shouldn't try and rationalize TOO much. The way I see it, it's like trying to convince yourself you don't care so you won't show it. I think it's important to show it in the form of bawling your frickin eyes out. I am so sorry for you. It is going to be hard. You will make it through. Always know that it's the pain you feel of the loss, that is the strength of your love.

It's important to find someone that you can talk with frequently about the situation you are going through. The best is someone who is going through it as well. cry together talk of the good times, talk of the future without this person in your lives ect. This helped me very much.

I had an uncle commit suicide about 4 years ago. My dad had been losing lots of friends to death as he's getting older. He had just gone through a couple within the last few months when I got the call from my cousin telling me of my uncle.

I was shocked, but the hardest thing to comprehend at that very moment was how the f*** am I going to be able to tell this to my dad. And I knew I had to be the one. When I heard the tone in his voice as soon as the words left my mouth I started bawling uncontrollably.

We had gone up to stay with my other uncle who had found him for a week to go trough his things and take care of some stuff. A cousin of mine and I used eachother to vent our emotions. Mainly bawling. It helped tremendously and we became very close due to this.

You will have your calm and logical times.

You will have your moments of weakness.

Both of these are signs of strength. Love be with you.

If you need someone to talk to you are welcome to PM me anytime or reply here.
 
unansweredquestions said:
Hi guys, i dont know why im posting this....why on here, i guess its because i respect you guys opinions. Youre a smart bunch.

Well, a parent of mine got diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer- its spread to a few places. She doesnt have much left... Im the youngest of the family and im trying to stay strong for everyone.

but im lost. I try to keep a smile, keep people laughing; the parent and the family....

the thing is, some times it hits me and i feel terrible. My brain seems to be 'forgetting' about it a lot, im pushing it to the side. I cant help it though, it seems to just be a defence mechanism. when i realise, i feel horrible for doing that aswell- just not thinking about it.

I also seem to be rationalising things ALOT. dealing with it from a purely rational point- whether its that i try to argue death is just passing. That death for the person is okay (either its a transitional thing to a greater place or its an end of pain- nothingness to me is almost a positive thing. At least in the sense that they wont be upset about it once it happens) I try to say that as long as she's happy and without pain, im okay. but again, i know this is just a coping mechanism.

I dont know if i have a question, or a discussion to start?

i guess, how would you deal with it? how have you? Any ideas how i can emotionally get involved in this?

i guess i just needed to vent...
Click to expand...
I think your feelings are very normal. Rationalising things, or 'forgetting' is just the way to cope with something that hurts a lot. I know how you´re feeling. Sometimes 'forgetting' or rationalising is the only way to stay sane, when there´s this constant pressure on your soul of all these feelings and the fact that there´s nothing you can do about it.

When i lost someone dear to me, for months it seemed as if i had no feelings at all. As if i where a zombie. Then one day i sort of 'woke-up' again and it seemed as if all this pain and loss was something of a century ago. That´s probably how my mind managed to survive this loss. Maybe i would have gone completely mad if i wouldn´t have had this escape mechanism.

I wish there where words that i could say, to answer this unanswerable question for you. But i guess there just aren´t any.

Maybe sharing your pain with the rest of your family could help. That may be difficult. But when there´s a big elephant in the room no-one is talking about, it usually is a great relief to everybody when someone just breaks the ice and starts mentioning it.
 
Treat the time you have remaining with her as one of the most precious things you will ever be blessed with.

Know that what you're feeling is natural and real.

Remember that your love and support will be cherished more than any gift you'll ever give and that it's ok to weep and wail as needed.

I have been exactly where you are and wish you and your family all the love and peace imaginable.
 
Much love. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. It isn't easy to lose somebody you love, but It's a part of life. I know from my experience that time heals all wounds, and though nothing can replace our loved ones, we can still find them inside. My mother died when I was 16, I was not ready for it but given enough time, though I'm not over it, I feel good. I know she is in a better place, and I know she looks out on me. Ive learned to get over some of my own fear of dieing. Again much love friend.
 
just an update: been really busy- in and out of hospital.

I really do appreciate all the words of encouragement, advice and support. the love here is astounding.

Thanks guys! You couldnt dream of this kind of compassion from the general population.

Really gives me hope.

So again, thank you! your words are more help than you could imagine.
 
Just found this thread and wanted to give my support.

I know how you feel with this, for when I was 16 the woman that raised me and who I considered my mother, (she was not my biological mother however, for that woman is evil) had been battling cancer for a few years. It had gone into remission twice, but kept coming back. She had stage 4 melanoma and died shortly after.

I still find myself torn up about it every now and then, even though its been a few years since it happened. It was harder for me as well, since she was on hospice she was being taken care of at home. I had to watch her go into a coma for weeks.

After she passed I said all the things that you were saying. She is in a better place, or its a transition. Ultimately in the end it doesnt matter what you believe, all that matters is that you still remember the person. Love and cherish the moments you had with them, and never forget what they meant to you. For they will always be there in your heart or your mind. I wish you luck with this transition of your life and hope you do as well with it as I did.
 
I'm very sorry for anyone going through this i lost both my parents to cancer.
please please check out The Beautiful Truth if you want just click below.
If your using tor as i have been just go to youtube and type it in....
cancer seems to run all through my family i smoked for over 25yrs

i have followed this for sometime and have noooo signs what so ever
I'm 51 now past both my parents age and uncles and aunts and i can still climb a 2000ft tower
with the very best of them, i no longer smoke because i quit before doing my first hyperjump
and never looked back.....
 
Reading this thread makes me feel emotional. I haven't had much experience with cancer, besides a family friends father dying of lung cancer after it being repeatedly mis-diagnosed as 'water on the lung'. This was a healthy guy who was a non smoker and in the Army, so took great care of himself physically. It does seem to 'just happen' which I think is the scariest part.

What really made me feel emotional about this how ever is the fact that I worry about my Dad. He smokes at least 20 cigarettes a day and drinks heavily on a daily basis, and I know its just a matter of time until something happens. Our relationship has certainly had serious ups and downs over the last 10 years, and it's dawning on me that I haven't got much time to get back on good terms and enjoy our time together while it lasts. His doctor has already expressed serious concerns regarding his circulation. I need to move closer to them and be there for both him and my Mum. I feel like a selfish prick.

So my advice is to make the most of what you have. Don't squander this time and regret it later. This thread has given me a bit of a kick in the pants, so thank you. My heart goes out to you and your family in these dark days, my love and best wishes go out to all of you.
 
Unanswered I have shared this with a few people on this forum already and I feel you would also find this very empowering and interesting.

It is a book entitled 'Life and Hope Renewed, The Healing Power of Falun Dafa'

New Book: Life and Hope Renewed - The Healing Power of Falun Dafa | Falun Dafa - Minghui.org

BOOK INTRODUCTIONThe amazing stories in this book are first-hand accounts of people from all walks of life who recovered from serious, or in many cases, terminal diseases through practicing Falun Dafa.
en.minghui.org


Here is the description of the book:

The amazing stories in this book are first-hand accounts of people from all walks of life who recovered from serious, or in many cases, terminal diseases through practicing Falun Dafa.

Falun Dafa, also known as Falun Gong, is practiced by millions of people around the world. You may have read about it in the news, or perhaps come across Falun Dafa practitioners at a parade or some other civic event. It's also common to see a group of practitioners gathered in a park doing the gentle, slow moving exercises or sitting with their legs crossed in meditation.

Most people who practice the exercises daily and follow the teachings of Falun Dafa report improvements in their health. Often, these improvements are subtle, involving such things as relief from stress, better sleep, a "lighter" and more energetic feeling, and happier moods. Many others, though, such as those whose stories are collected in this book, report dramatic health improvements, including the disappearance of life-threatening diseases.
Click to expand...


Here are 2 experiences from the book that people with serious conditions had in practicing Falun Dafa:

The Story of a Pancreatic Cancer Survivor

By Connie Ji from Toronto, Canada

July 2001

My name is Connie Ji. My father, two of my fraternal uncles, my maternal grandmother and my maternal uncle were plagued with cancer. In my generation of the family, my elder sister, a fraternal cousin, and I all suffered from the same ill fate. Now everyone in my family has died, except my elder sister and I. A total of eight people in my family,
including myself, suffered from cancer. I will now tell you how I survived this deadly cancer.

I started to feel ill in the autumn of 1995 and went to the hospital for a diagnosis. Through ultrasound, the doctor saw something unusual about my biliary system. Next he did a CT (Computerized Tomography) scan. When the doctor saw the CT scan result, he asked me, “How long have you been feeling ill?” “For a while,” I replied. The doctor’s grave facial expression said it all.

I knew there must be something seriously wrong with my health. I went to an even larger hospital for a second opinion where I was finally told that I had “lesions on the pancreas.” Now that I knew my life was in danger, my family
started to panic. I was 43 years old back then, and my son had just turned 14. To avoid aggravating my health, my parents-in-law and my husband withheld their tears in my
presence.

Then my family decided to take me to the Sina-Japan Friendship Hospital in Beijing for better medical treatment. The doctors and specialists came to a joint
diagnosis and determined that I had cancer in the head of the pancreas.
I knew that pancreatic cancer was one of the most severe types of cancer. I also learned that pancreatic cancer causes an extreme amount of pain and the cure rate is close to zero at this time. Words could not describe my feelings. I told my doctor in tears that I did not want to die and begged him to save my life, but I knew very well that no one could
save me.

I started to have jaundice because the tumor obstructed my common bile duct. I lost my appetite and became extremely ill. Only a few days after the doctor confirmed my pancreatic cancer, he decided to surgically remove my pancreas, because it was considered the only chance for a cure. However, when the doctor opened me up, he saw that the tumor had adhered to the inferior vena cava. Therefore, the operation would be associated with very high rates of operative morbidity and mortality, and the cancer could spread to other areas. He came out of the operating room, explained the situation to my family, and recommended nonsurgical treatment, which might help prolong my life.

After my family consented to the doctor’s decision, the doctor surgically connected the common bile duct and duodenum in order to keep my digestive system running normally, then stitched me up without removing my pancreas. It was another way of telling me that there was no cure for my pancreatic cancer. While waiting outside the operating room, my husband burst into tears. When I awoke from the anesthesia, I asked my family how the surgery went. When my elder sister told me the truth, my mind went completely blank. I could not think or say anything.

Even though there was no hope for a cure, my family insisted that I continue the medical treatments with both western and Chinese traditional medicine. I was taking traditional Chinese herbal medicine, as well as chemotherapy and radiation therapy. I was tormented by the physical pain of cancer, the side effects of chemotherapy, and the imminent shadow of death each day. It also broke my heart to think of my child. I once received a phone call from my son while I was receiving the chemotherapy.

I started to imagine that my son would be motherless and he would have to grow up without the affection from his mother. Then tears started to flush down my face. I knew I was going to die very soon, but I had never thought about what death would be like. I didn’t know the answer and I didn’t want to know the answer. But I didn’t want to think about the reality, either. There was a cruel barrier that separated me from the rest of the world. I felt left alone and I felt the world was uncaring and cruel. Each day I was repeatedly tormented by both the endless physical and psychological tortures.

I didn’t want to die, but the daily torment seemed to be worse than death. What I feared the most was that I might die after I eventually wore out every ounce of my life in extreme pain. I was overwhelmed with pain and gave up all hope for life. My family’s affection and support could not improve my mood or encourage me to fight the cancer. No one in the world could save my life. Although I was still alive, I felt that nothing in the world belonged to me. I felt terribly alone.

It is a feeling that only a dying person can know. I thought of spending my remaining days in a Buddhist temple because at least I could enjoy peace and quiet away from the secular world. When I discussed my dying wish with my husband, we both decided that it was an unrealistic wish in my condition. After the surgery, my weight dropped to below 90 pounds. I had lost almost all of my hair and I looked like a ghost with my dark yellow complexion and skeleton frame. At the end of 1996, my health became even worse and the pain escalated. I could not eat at all.

I didn’t want to worry my husband, so I didn’t tell him until I thought I wasn’t going to make it. My husband suggested that I check into the hospital again, but I really didn’t want to because I did not want to die in the hospital. Then one morning, I met an elderly woman as I practiced a Chinese qigong in a park. She started the conversation by telling me that she had been watching me for several days and had wanted to introduce me to Falun Gong. “Why don’t you try practicing Falun Gong?” she said. “We will start playing Teacher Li Hongzhi’s Fa lecture videotapes today.

Why don’t you join us?” Upon hearing her invitation, I immediately decided not to go back to the hospital. She took me to the home of another Falun Gong practitioner who volunteered to assist people in learning Falun Gong’s exercises, and we watched the videotapes together. I was receptive to Teacher Li Hongzhi’s lectures. While I sat there watching the videotapes, I felt very comfortable. After we finished watching the videotapes that day, the volunteer assistant kindly loaned me a copy of Zhuan Falun, Falun Gong’s main text.

I finished reading the book in three days. On the fourth day, I went out at 4:00 a.m. and joined the elderly woman for that morning’s outdoor group practice of Falun Gong exercises. It was a snowy and windy day, but I could practice Falun Gong’s standing exercises with others for a full hour! Since that day, I have continued to practice Falun Gong’s exercises each and every day, rain or shine, winter or summer. I felt as if I had found my way home. I no longer felt alone, and I no longer feared death. I felt free and peaceful. Before I knew it, my health started to improve.

Although I still experienced pain and would occasionally vomit and have diarrhea, I knew they were signs that my body was being cleansed. I could eat and sleep well, and I felt very energetic. After just two months, my health made a pivotal turn and I transformed into a healthy person. The Chinese New Year came two months after I started to practice Falun Gong. When my family and relatives visited me during the Chinese New Year, they were astonished by my recovery. In May when the weather turned warm, I had gained a lot of weight and grown out of many of my clothes.

As I continued to read Zhuan Falun and practice Falun Gong’s exercises, I kept developing new understandings of the true meaning of life. As I tried to conduct myself according to Teacher’s lectures, my health kept improving. I became increasingly healthy each day. I used to suffer from chronic angina and gastroenteritis, but they completely disappeared like my pancreatic cancer. I now weigh 130 pounds and am perfectly healthy.

It is because I practice Falun Gong that my life span was prolonged and my life was altered. Falun Dafa has not only saved my family and me, but also restored millions of people’s physical and mental health, as well as their moral values. I am not just sharing my story as a testimony of Falun Gong’s miraculous power.

I also wish to use my story as a way to validate the fact that Falun Dafa is a righteous cultivation practice, which teaches people to improve their moral values and recover their true nature. I sincerely hope that the Chinese people will stop being the victims of Jiang Zemin’s slanderous and fraudulent propaganda against Falun Gong. Falun Dafa is great!




The Inspirational Story of a Former Leukemia Patient

By Zhang Shujun, China

April 2001

My name is Zhang Shujun, and I am a 35-year-old woman. Like most other young people, I loved life and was full of vigor and vitality. However, I contracted leukemia when I was only 26 years old. The disease came to me like a fatal blow to my life. My mind went completely blank and tears ran down my face endlessly while I was lying in the hospital bed. Why me? Why was life so unfair to me? The endless and painful medical procedures weakened my immune system.

I always caught the flu and constantly had high fevers. Since I was sensitive to the cancer-fighting drugs, I often had terrible itching all over my body. I had to scratch hard and it caused bleeding. Because of the length of the treatments and the frequent blood transfusions, the skin on the back of my hand became stiff. I felt sick and vomited every time I was given a transfusion. After a year of these painful struggles, my beautiful black hair fell out due to the large doses of radiation and the chemotherapy treatments. I lost 30 lbs. in only a few days.

I felt desperate after seeing several other leukemia patients pass away one after another. I started to continuously think about my life and its worth: human beings realize how insignificant and helpless they are when they face death. Although they might be wealthy and have the most powerful positions in the world, in reality they have nothing. I kept asking myself, what is the mysterious power that dominates and balances everything in this world of suffering? The medical procedures caused many seizures; any of them could have easily taken my life.

At the time, I was thin, had a dark pallor and was out of shape. My health kept deteriorating even after several Western and Chinese hospitals treated me. My parents took care of me and suffered both emotionally and financially. I do not know how many times my mother cried behind my back. I cried endlessly.

I wondered whether there existed any power to help me escape from the clutches of death. I prayed and hoped I would live. At this moment between life and death, I suddenly realized that the meaning of life was not merely seeking comfort for oneself; instead, there were things much more precious and beautiful!

In March 1995, I luckily found out about Falun Dafa. It was a turning point in my life. In the beginning when I went to the exercise site, I couldn’t even perform the first four exercises since I was extremely weak and the condition of my heart was very poor. After some time of working on the exercises, my body gradually felt relaxed and I could easily
finish the standing exercises, which lasted for an hour. I felt like I was saved from the hell of pain and hopelessness! It was a miracle!

Only one month after I started to cultivate Falun Dafa’s universal principle of Truthfulness-Compassion- Forbearance, the disease that could not be cured by modern
medicine, and that cost my family hundreds of thousands of yuan (tens of thousands of US dollars) was completely gone. Doesn’t this show that Falun Dafa is a genuine and
extraordinary science? The smile came back to my face.

I used to be an invalid and couldn’t take care of myself, but soon I could do the housework and take care of my parents. They were so happy to see the change in me. After three years of torture from this serious disease and its treatments, I was finally experiencing the wonders of being completely free of disease and pain. The changes in my body and mind have made me firmly believe in the truth of Falun Dafa. After only two months of practice, I returned to work.

In my daily life, I followed the principle explained in the main book of Falun Dafa, Zhuan Falun. I worked hard and always considered others first. I tried to examine myself first whenever there was a conflict. Under the guidance of the Fa (Law and principles; the teachings of Falun Dafa), I strove to reach the realm of selflessness and altruism. The changes that happened to me were obvious to the supervisors and other employees in my work unit.

My mother also changed a lot after she started to practice Falun Dafa. All her illnesses went away and so did her bad temper. She used to fight with my father and now she has become kind and understanding after practicing Falun Dafa. My family is happy and lives in perfect harmony.

Dafa gave me back my life; therefore I should be of benefit to others with my life and put my best effort into clarifying the truth and awakening people’s conscience. I feel sad when I see people indulging in the pursuit of fame and self-interests or struggling helplessly with incurable diseases.

Therefore, when a few people in the government mistakenly began persecuting and slandering Falun Gong, I went to Beijing to declare the truth and awaken the conscience of the people with my personal experiences and with my life that was enriched by Dafa. However, I was
illegally arrested, detained and punished by my work unit.

Now I have been forced to leave home and wander without shelter to avoid further persecution. Nevertheless, I feel it is worthwhile if people will no longer be blinded by the lies of the government after I tell them of my experiences. I hope people will be able to distinguish between kindness and wickedness, and good from evil by examining their own kind nature.

I truly hope everyone in this world will feel the same splendid and magnificent happiness that I feel! Now I understand why we cultivators should attain the righteous enlightenment of selflessness and altruism. The purpose of existence for a cultivator is entirely for the benefit of others!


The practice is totally free of charge and can be found here. I practice it myself and it is Truly healing and purifying in many ways. I feel it could help your family member immensely:

Falun Dafa | Falun Gong | 法轮大法 | 法轮功 - FalunDafa.org

Falun Dafa (Falun Gong) Information and Materials. Here you will find links to all the different language sites around the world. Falun Dafa (Falun Gong) is a high-level cultivation practice guided by the characteristics of the universe—Truthfulness, Benevolence, and Forbearance.
falundafa.org

Kind Regards,

SW
 
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