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Can't get breakthrough anymore

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DMT Lexus

DMT Lexus

DMT-Lexus member
I couldn't get breakthrough anymore. DMT has ceased to act on me, that's it, now I am not allowed into the hyperspace.
Probably, I disappointed God and I was disconnected from access to hyperspace. On DMT I've fallen into a completely different world, this is not like on mushrooms. The Hyperspace... So unique thin world.
I've seen entities, rooms, spirits. Now I see nothing even on big dose of DMT.
And I do not know now, the reason is the use of harmala, which changed the functioning of my monoaminoxidase and made it more active in the usual state, or the higher forces turned me off from the hyperspace.

A few months ago, I was angry with this world, that there is so much suffering here that here everyone devours everyone, that there is so much evil and all evil spirits. I was angry with God that he would not destroy all this evil, that if he wanted to create a man with free will, but not inclined to sin, he would have done this, and so on...
So that gonna really, generously, they did good from the heart, both for people and for nature, really from a pure heart, so that everyone has it. But this is not in this world. And I was angry that there was so much torment. In one of the last trips, I was told that I went there too often. Then the most powerful trip and last I saw the devil and he said that I would behave well and would not do all nonsense. Then I seem to be disconnected from the hyperspace and no longer allowed there.

I have already evaporated 40 mg of DMT freebase several times, and nothing. Only a little brighter colors. And all!

The evaporation method is exactly the same as when I received powerful hyperspace travels. DMT is fresh, of excellent quality. The vaporizer is the same. But nothing! I was disconnected from hyperspace. I apparently disappointed the highest forces, and now I do not know what to do about it.

I also have an assumption that harmala can give a compensation effect, or rather the body after harmala compensate MAO inhibition. Harmala inhibits monoaminoxidase in normal condition, and while harmala leaves the body, as it were, compensates for the obtained inhibited monnaminoxidase and makes it even more active. And then I am afraid that I have changed forever and there is no way back.

I am a kind person, but I'm afraid to become a fallen angel, for I was really disappointed in this world, and no matter how I try to configure myself - in this world I am disappointed for the most part. I am disappointed in myself, in my weaknesses, in my stupid things, in lost opportunities. I understand that I myself am to blame for this, but apparently the demon forces were stronger and were able to play me like a puppet, making me disappointed in many things. No, this is not depression, and I am a happy person inside, this is something else, exactly the disappointment, understanding that could be better if not for my own stupidity and weakness. I am the product of the environment though, as any other live organism in this world and the enviromnent was created as is, and so...
Nevertheless, I think that I disappointed the highest forces and did not live up to their expectations. Now I feel like a fish, thrown by the waves ashore.

I also did not trip on mushrooms for about one year, perhaps they will help me. I've still haven't tripped yet.
I'll be happy to hear from you, maybe some shamans or more experienced people could chime in. Every input will be very appreciated.
 
DMT Lexus said:
Nevertheless, I think that I disappointed the highest forces and did not live up to their expectations.
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I would say you just abused the substance and that's it.
There are no external higher forces to please, but they all are inside you and you are part of them. You are displeased with yourself and that's the problem projecting to your trips.
Also you can think of it as mean-brains self-defence system. It is overloaded so it begs for a pause.

Besides I've seen many cases when people took break from the substance, integrated properly and it returned. I think if you properly get the message, then you don't need more, but that's just IMHO.

I haven't had lockout similar to yours, but DMT worked differently at the times. Some days I couldn't get past waiting room, some days I couldn't even get into waiting room, besides same doses same methods etc. I haven't figured out exact reason why, but I think it is most of the times the underlying mental state.
 
I sometimes struggle in the same way as you describe. The last decade has been often focussed on acceptance of how things are in this world. If we are it, all of everything is us, every molecule, every atom, every impossibly small particle...all of it is one thing and that thing is us...then to be disappointed in ourselves is a wasted emotion.

Look at some dirty pond water under a microscope and we can observe life being life. The underlying principle is often to kill your neighbour and utilize it's energy. There doesnt seem to be much complaint in that water droplet. They just get on with it.

Maybe there is a higher purpose to the mechanisms we can observe. Maybe everything is a well oiled machine that functions perfectly. Or maybe not. But one thing is certain. It is happening all around us on every level. Whether it is the microbe devouring another microbe to assimilate it's energy or the corporation controlling the distribution of energy to millions of less powerful humans. It's all the same process.

It is wrong to condemn the microbe that devours just as equally as to condemn the CEO with the easy life built on the backs of other's hardship.

Even the health of our flesh bodies relies on a continuous warfare with trillions of deaths per day.

I keep trying to see how there is no good or evil. There is only energy transfer through the conduit of matter.

I am grateful that my role so far seems to be relatively positive. I am the part of the one conscious energy that is destined to experience this precise perspective. It's not so bad. I could have been destined to experience life as a serial killer or a war hungry dictator, or a rabbit being chased by a fox, or a rock buried deep in a mountain...or..or..infinite alternatives.

But until I truly learn to love all of it I will only be hating myself.

DMT also likes to beat me up more often than reward me. Usually when over used.

You are the higher power you fear displeasing. Please yourself somehow.
 
DMT Lexus,

Thank you for sharing.

I want to offer a different viewpoint from what you and others have voiced on this thread.

Even though DMT is a molecule and we understand that DMT is DMT batch to batch there is still a HUGE amount of mystery.

I have three batches of DMT. The first batch I extracted kind of violates the Attitude so I will just say it was a batch and there is a bit leftover. I have found the remainder of that batch to be difficult to use. It has a very mechanical and digital, hard, cold feel to it.

I have a second batch of DMT that I extracted then aggressively recrystalized. I have used it 5 times, including 3 during Nemo Amicus sight healing SHE and every single time in the 10 to 25 mgs range I get zero or the lightest visuals you could imagine.

I have a third batch that is freaking amazing. Best pulls ever. Not due to volume but due to effects. Tremendous effects in the 10 to 20 mgs range, great beauty, some challenge and every trip generally better than the last.

Go figure, right? DMT is DMT. So, here lies the mystery that I am dealing with and it sounds like you may have something similar going on.

I would like to suggest that you consider a fresh extraction. Do you best job and maybe try it without harmalas the first time. You might be pleasantly surprised.

I hope to hear more about this and that the mushrooms work for you.

I suspect this is not an abuse issue. I suspect something is going on with YOU, your subconscious, etc. or something is going on with YOUR batch of SPICE.
 
Old & Jaded said:
DMT Lexus,

Thank you for sharing.

I want to offer a different viewpoint from what you and others have voiced on this thread.

Even though DMT is a molecule and we understand that DMT is DMT batch to batch there is still a HUGE amount of mystery.

I have three batches of DMT. The first batch I extracted kind of violates the Attitude so I will just say it was a batch and there is a bit leftover. I have found the remainder of that batch to be difficult to use. It has a very mechanical and digital, hard, cold feel to it.

I have a second batch of DMT that I extracted then aggressively recrystalized. I have used it 5 times, including 3 during Nemo Amicus sight healing SHE and every single time in the 10 to 25 mgs range I get zero or the lightest visuals you could imagine.

I have a third batch that is freaking amazing. Best pulls ever. Not due to volume but due to effects. Tremendous effects in the 10 to 20 mgs range, great beauty, some challenge and every trip generally better than the last.

Go figure, right? DMT is DMT. So, here lies the mystery that I am dealing with and it sounds like you may have something similar going on.

I would like to suggest that you consider a fresh extraction. Do you best job and maybe try it without harmalas the first time. You might be pleasantly surprised.

I hope to hear more about this and that the mushrooms work for you.

I suspect this is not an abuse issue. I suspect something is going on with YOU, your subconscious, etc. or something is going on with YOUR batch of SPICE.
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I like what you’re are saying, and am just starting to analyse the difference between species but you go a few steps further and speak of batches being corrupted eg. aggressively recrystallising.
 
One thing I noticed with dmt is smoking it without any expectations guided with good seeded intent/ integrity seems to be key. It is also important to integrate the downloads or transmissions received on these experiences during your off time from sessions as I believe it is crucial to the journey the psychonaut undertakes when they begin to follow the white rabbit and the balance met between the physical and spiritual/mystical components almost acts in a synergetic way in which to create synchronicity throughout your life.

whenever I get a lockout and start to experience that lockout rejection anxiety it is always because the addict in me gets attached to whatever experience I just had and begins to grasp. The moment I do this dmt shuts out for me completely like disturbing a koi fish in a pond. Then if I rest in the 'calm abiding and clear seeing' expressed in Dzogchen meditation practices and am not focusing on not focusing on the trip nor focusing on the trip itself I will find hyperspace begins to open up again even at lower doses. It's a very interesting mental exercise that you can play with at smaller doses and I believe good training for meditation and also can get pretty wild and begin to raise more questions about dosages.

But to summarize id say the main reason for my lockouts is I am generally crossing a line within myself I know I'm not supposed to which is why I believe dmt is so beneficial for people who struggle with addiction because unlike crack where I can keep chasing the high and the inner narrative matches the intuitive nature of the drug dmt is only reflecting your deepest intuitive nature and connecting you with the deepest part of you that wants the best for you. Of course I'm not speaking in any certainties when sharing my experiences and only hoping to help with added perspective. There is still a great deal of mystery with this stuff and I personally believe that is the gift.


Basically to want to get there you have to not want to get there is what I've been able to conjure of the lock out phenomenon in myself

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The_Embalmer said:
whenever I get a lockout and start to experience that lockout rejection anxiety it is always because the addict in me gets attached to whatever experience I just had and begins to grasp. The moment I do this dmt shuts out for me completely like disturbing a koi fish in a pond. Then if I rest in the 'calm abiding and clear seeing' expressed in Dzogchen meditation practices and am not focusing on not focusing on the trip nor focusing on the trip itself I will find hyperspace begins to open up again even at lower doses. It's a very interesting mental exercise that you can play with at smaller doses and I believe good training for meditation and also can get pretty wild and begin to raise more questions about dosages.
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Quite interesting insight and feedback!
Funnily, I started re-reading my commented edition of the Bardo-Thödol and re-reading about Dzogchen few days ago :)
 
Wow, serves me right. Someone says that they’re struggling to get any substantial result and the dickhead in me says abuse. Plus the described dosing calendar seemed pretty regular and spontaneity was lacking. But for me to tell anybody to have a break is kind of funny considering my own flaws and my own refusal to ever even consider moderating my personal vices. But the oddest thing happened the next evening after writing my stupid comments and advice. I decided to have a proper smoke of the DMT from my MH extraction, very fluffy airy spice made eyeballing difficult.
I got locked out. Just like DMT Lexus described. Now, I would say I have been having spice too often lately. But I am seriously talking about only 3 times from 7, and only for the last week to 2. Before then though it had been months and months. So I take back any opinions of mine that is ignorant or hurtful. I think I gotta get myself a cool little vial put my spice in it and put it away somewhere for a special occasion. I think once I wait for the occasion to be special then experience will follow.
 
I kinda want to write something about this.

I do a lot of DMT. However, me trying to breakthrough is rare. As a matter of experience, the spice has brought the experience closer to me. Even with these low dosed experiences I'll end up deep in hyperspace. The only difference is varying degrees of subdued imagery and less body load, and a bit more autonomy.

It's special each and every time to me. Doesn't matter if I've done it once in a month or several times in a week (even a week straight sometimes), I get somewhere.

I don't encourage anyone to follow my frequency, but I do recommend playing in lower dosed waters. There's a lot there.

One love
 
That first year I was doing fat doses regularly.
These days I too like the lower doses.
I sort of have a sweet spot that’s not simply dose dependent but it can be between 20-42.
Yet my mental state, my anticipation level, expectations all need to align for me to breakthrough.
I prefer it on smaller doses because I retain so much more of it.
It definitely feels like it wants me to engage not just mentally but sometimes physically.
Still haven’t broke out into song or anything
 
@bodymechanics That's so funny. I did it 5 times, time number 5 scared me more than any other and precipitated a 6 year hiatus. Partly because I didn't know where to get more and I didn't realize I had the capacity to extract it myself. However, I ended up getting a heavy message and taking the hint rather quickly.

I've definitely started speaking an alien language while on relatively low doses.

I feel the times that it wants more from me it just takes me where it wants me to be. Doesn't matter the dose or my intent. I've had some pretty big ones for doses like 6-8mg!

One love
 
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