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I'm sharing this here because I feel like I have too many other trip reports trickled throughout the forum over the years.

Take a deep breath with me. *Heavy physiological sigh.

Around 9:30 I took 150mg of encapsulated harmine approximately two hours after eating a bowl of steel cut oats. It was a funky start to the morning where I didn't really sleep again, and my dog was acting weird. Her and I went to the park and to the store. Then it was journey time.

I made the decision to take this journey last night. I journaled that I wanted to take this time with this medicine to see myself through a less depressive lens, work on growing closer to myself, forgiving myself, and having some enjoyment in the process. Do art, make music, make it a creative ceremony.

I didn't draw.

I did play some of my steel tongue drum and the singing bowl that belonged to my friend that passed away last month. I also used a blanket he gave me. I cried a few times. I miss him. It was good to miss him in the space.

At approximately 10:00 I took 25mg of DMT dissolved in lemon juice and water. I'm kind of restarting my work with pharma. I don't trust myself as I used to with psychedelics, so am titrating my way back into deeper waters. At the same time, DMT and harmalas are interesting characters... I'm not sure how or why, but this was the deepest experience that I've had, even with some being a greater overall dose of DMT. It was particularly philosophical with some inner critiques of certain elements of things that I observe. Often regarding the use of certain kinds of concepts by others, how they map "logically" or reasonably, how much accuracy and veracity there is in a given thought process, blah blah blah.

In the spirit of forgiving myself, I made a point to speak it out loud, feeling what this forgiveness of self is like in my body in a somatic way. It was like feeling a weight lift, or as if one could glide or fly; an air of liberation. During this time, I recall reflecting on how this is but one part of the process, and that I may need to revisit this activity in the future. I would also need to really frame and deliver it in a way that feels authentic to me, wherein I can really receive it from myself for myself. I'm not very good at bullsh*tting myself, which is why a lot of techniques and kernels of advice don't work very well for me; everything goes through several critical filters. That's what's important to me. That's how I find alignment.

During an emotional point, for the life of me I can't remember exactly what was occurring, I realized I may have to purge. Initially, I tried to stave it off, but there was a point where my intuition said, "sit up," to which I seamlessly sat up to my knees, grabbed the trashcan, and began to heave. There wasn't much of anything physical that came up, but plenty that was energetic and symbolic. Almost as though the weight that I was feeling lifting from me was lifted from my mouth. This was well after the hour mark from when I had taken the DMT... this is important because for the next 20 or so minutes, it felt like the experience was restarting and I started to come up more on the medicine. It was interesting; usually when that happens, or since losing some trust in myself really, I tend to have a slight amount of panic with neuroses and paranoia kicking in about how much deeper it's going to get (last time this happened was when smoalking my 1:1:1 blend of changa). This time, I was open to it, ready for it, trusting myself and the medicine, and the process, I eagerly looked forward to how much further they would take me. It was around this same time that I went to the restroom. It had been a while since I had stood up.

Relieving myself, I started to walk out, but then there was an alignment of realization of where I was (in the bathroom with a mirror) and what some of my goals were (connect to self), so I turned around and decided to really look at myself in an altered state. Leaning in, staring myself dead in the eye...

One thing I noticed is that the view of myself likely makes me look like an a**hole sometimes. Sometimes people tell me things, and I wonder why they're telling me, and I'm sure it shows because I can only hide so much... They may have no other reason than just wanting to talk to me. People seem to have some admiration for the person I am, but I don't have that admiration, so end up confused. People want to talk to and share things with people they like, trust, appreciate, etc... duh!

Now, I'm all sorts of caught up by what I shared... shows there's work to do. I should be able to admit certain things about myself for crying out loud.

Anyway, the end of the journey was a little rough, but necessary. Part of it was my own fault. My own fault because of my damn phone. We'll just leave it at that other than to share that I had looked at my phone in order to record something without my music stopping. I need to buy a voice recorder because I don't like my phone in the space. Never have. Damn thing is a distraction and an addiction endemic to modern society. A lot of frustration and anger bubbled to the surface. It represented the many ways in which I have needs that are not being filled. It was a reflection of something stifled for a long time. I'm back again at learning how to be okay with expressing my anger without it being categorically wrong (mind you, I don't find it categorically wrong with regards to others, just myself).

I learned recently that the phenomenon of burnout can take a very long time to resolve. This is my attempt at making it better.

While the journey didn't end the way I would've liked, it was everything I needed. And for that I'm grateful, to the plants, and everything else, exoteric and esoteric, that played a part in this journey.

One love

<blockquote data-quote="Voidmatrix" data-source="post: 3954386" data-attributes="member: 5">I&#039;m sharing this here because I feel like I have too many other trip reports trickled throughout the forum over the years. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite17" alt=":LOL:" title="Laugh&nbsp; &nbsp; :LOL:" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":LOL:" />Take a deep breath with me. *Heavy physiological sigh.Around 9:30 I took 150mg of encapsulated harmine approximately two hours after eating a bowl of steel cut oats. It was a funky start to the morning where I didn&#039;t really sleep again, and my dog was acting weird. Her and I went to the park and to the store. Then it was journey time.I made the decision to take this journey last night. I journaled that I wanted to take this time with this medicine to see myself through a less depressive lens, work on growing closer to myself, forgiving myself, and having some enjoyment in the process. Do art, make music, make it a creative ceremony.I didn&#039;t draw.I did play some of my steel tongue drum and the singing bowl that belonged to my friend that passed away last month. I also used a blanket he gave me. I cried a few times. I miss him. It was good to miss him in the space.At approximately 10:00 I took 25mg of DMT dissolved in lemon juice and water. I&#039;m kind of restarting my work with pharma. I don&#039;t trust myself as I used to with psychedelics, so am titrating my way back into deeper waters. At the same time, DMT and harmalas are interesting characters... I&#039;m not sure how or why, but this was the deepest experience that I&#039;ve had, even with some being a greater overall dose of DMT. It was particularly philosophical with some inner critiques of certain elements of things that I observe. Often regarding the use of certain kinds of concepts by others, how they map &quot;logically&quot; or reasonably, how much accuracy and veracity there is in a given thought process, blah blah blah.In the spirit of forgiving myself, I made a point to speak it out loud, feeling what this forgiveness of self is like in my body in a somatic way. It was like feeling a weight lift, or as if one could glide or fly; an air of liberation. During this time, I recall reflecting on how this is but one part of the process, and that I may need to revisit this activity in the future. I would also need to really frame and deliver it in a way that feels authentic to me, wherein I can really receive it from myself for myself. I&#039;m not very good at bullsh*tting myself, which is why a lot of techniques and kernels of advice don&#039;t work very well for me; everything goes through several critical filters. That&#039;s what&#039;s important to me. That&#039;s how I find alignment.During an emotional point, for the life of me I can&#039;t remember exactly what was occurring, I realized I may have to purge. Initially, I tried to stave it off, but there was a point where my intuition said, &quot;sit up,&quot; to which I seamlessly sat up to my knees, grabbed the trashcan, and began to heave. There wasn&#039;t much of anything physical that came up, but plenty that was energetic and symbolic. Almost as though the weight that I was feeling lifting from me was lifted from my mouth. This was well after the hour mark from when I had taken the DMT... this is important because for the next 20 or so minutes, it felt like the experience was restarting and I started to come up more on the medicine. It was interesting; usually when that happens, or since losing some trust in myself really, I tend to have a slight amount of panic with neuroses and paranoia kicking in about how much deeper it&#039;s going to get (last time this happened was when smoalking my 1:1:1 blend of changa). This time, I was open to it, ready for it, trusting myself and the medicine, and the process, I eagerly looked forward to how much further they would take me. It was around this same time that I went to the restroom. It had been a while since I had stood up.Relieving myself, I started to walk out, but then there was an alignment of realization of where I was (in the bathroom with a mirror) and what some of my goals were (connect to self), so I turned around and decided to really look at myself in an altered state. Leaning in, staring myself dead in the eye...One thing I noticed is that the view of myself likely makes me look like an a**hole sometimes. Sometimes people tell me things, and I wonder why they&#039;re telling me, and I&#039;m sure it shows because I can only hide so much... They may have no other reason than just wanting to talk to me. People seem to have some admiration for the person I am, but I don&#039;t have that admiration, so end up confused. People want to talk to and share things with people they like, trust, appreciate, etc... duh!Now, I&#039;m all sorts of caught up by what I shared... shows there&#039;s work to do. I should be able to admit certain things about myself for crying out loud.Anyway, the end of the journey was a little rough, but necessary. Part of it was my own fault. My own fault because of my damn phone. We&#039;ll just leave it at that other than to share that I had looked at my phone in order to record something without my music stopping. I need to buy a voice recorder because I don&#039;t like my phone in the space. Never have. Damn thing is a distraction and an addiction endemic to modern society. A lot of frustration and anger bubbled to the surface. It represented the many ways in which I have needs that are not being filled. It was a reflection of something stifled for a long time. I&#039;m back again at learning how to be okay with expressing my anger without it being categorically wrong (mind you, I don&#039;t find it categorically wrong with regards to others, just myself).I learned recently that the phenomenon of burnout can take a very long time to resolve. This is my attempt at making it better.While the journey didn&#039;t end the way I would&#039;ve liked, it was everything I needed. And for that I&#039;m grateful, to the plants, and everything else, exoteric and esoteric, that played a part in this journey.One love</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Voidmatrix, post: 3954386, member: 5"] I'm sharing this here because I feel like I have too many other trip reports trickled throughout the forum over the years. :LOL: Take a deep breath with me. *Heavy physiological sigh. Around 9:30 I took 150mg of encapsulated harmine approximately two hours after eating a bowl of steel cut oats. It was a funky start to the morning where I didn't really sleep again, and my dog was acting weird. Her and I went to the park and to the store. Then it was journey time. I made the decision to take this journey last night. I journaled that I wanted to take this time with this medicine to see myself through a less depressive lens, work on growing closer to myself, forgiving myself, and having some enjoyment in the process. Do art, make music, make it a creative ceremony. I didn't draw. I did play some of my steel tongue drum and the singing bowl that belonged to my friend that passed away last month. I also used a blanket he gave me. I cried a few times. I miss him. It was good to miss him in the space. At approximately 10:00 I took 25mg of DMT dissolved in lemon juice and water. I'm kind of restarting my work with pharma. I don't trust myself as I used to with psychedelics, so am titrating my way back into deeper waters. At the same time, DMT and harmalas are interesting characters... I'm not sure how or why, but this was the deepest experience that I've had, even with some being a greater overall dose of DMT. It was particularly philosophical with some inner critiques of certain elements of things that I observe. Often regarding the use of certain kinds of concepts by others, how they map "logically" or reasonably, how much accuracy and veracity there is in a given thought process, blah blah blah. In the spirit of forgiving myself, I made a point to speak it out loud, feeling what this forgiveness of self is like in my body in a somatic way. It was like feeling a weight lift, or as if one could glide or fly; an air of liberation. During this time, I recall reflecting on how this is but one part of the process, and that I may need to revisit this activity in the future. I would also need to really frame and deliver it in a way that feels authentic to me, wherein I can really receive it from myself for myself. I'm not very good at bullsh*tting myself, which is why a lot of techniques and kernels of advice don't work very well for me; everything goes through several critical filters. That's what's important to me. That's how I find alignment. During an emotional point, for the life of me I can't remember exactly what was occurring, I realized I may have to purge. Initially, I tried to stave it off, but there was a point where my intuition said, "sit up," to which I seamlessly sat up to my knees, grabbed the trashcan, and began to heave. There wasn't much of anything physical that came up, but plenty that was energetic and symbolic. Almost as though the weight that I was feeling lifting from me was lifted from my mouth. This was well after the hour mark from when I had taken the DMT... this is important because for the next 20 or so minutes, it felt like the experience was restarting and I started to come up more on the medicine. It was interesting; usually when that happens, or since losing some trust in myself really, I tend to have a slight amount of panic with neuroses and paranoia kicking in about how much deeper it's going to get (last time this happened was when smoalking my 1:1:1 blend of changa). This time, I was open to it, ready for it, trusting myself and the medicine, and the process, I eagerly looked forward to how much further they would take me. It was around this same time that I went to the restroom. It had been a while since I had stood up. Relieving myself, I started to walk out, but then there was an alignment of realization of where I was (in the bathroom with a mirror) and what some of my goals were (connect to self), so I turned around and decided to really look at myself in an altered state. Leaning in, staring myself dead in the eye... One thing I noticed is that the view of myself likely makes me look like an a**hole sometimes. Sometimes people tell me things, and I wonder why they're telling me, and I'm sure it shows because I can only hide so much... They may have no other reason than just wanting to talk to me. People seem to have some admiration for the person I am, but I don't have that admiration, so end up confused. People want to talk to and share things with people they like, trust, appreciate, etc... duh! Now, I'm all sorts of caught up by what I shared... shows there's work to do. I should be able to admit certain things about myself for crying out loud. Anyway, the end of the journey was a little rough, but necessary. Part of it was my own fault. My own fault because of my damn phone. We'll just leave it at that other than to share that I had looked at my phone in order to record something without my music stopping. I need to buy a voice recorder because I don't like my phone in the space. Never have. Damn thing is a distraction and an addiction endemic to modern society. A lot of frustration and anger bubbled to the surface. It represented the many ways in which I have needs that are not being filled. It was a reflection of something stifled for a long time. I'm back again at learning how to be okay with expressing my anger without it being categorically wrong (mind you, I don't find it categorically wrong with regards to others, just myself). I learned recently that the phenomenon of burnout can take a very long time to resolve. This is my attempt at making it better. While the journey didn't end the way I would've liked, it was everything I needed. And for that I'm grateful, to the plants, and everything else, exoteric and esoteric, that played a part in this journey. One love [/QUOTE]