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compelled but wounded

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H

hce che ech

Rising Star
I have been reading and hearing about DMT for a long time. I have been in love with the idea of what it can offer spiritually but i am terrified from a past phycedelic experience.

When i was younger i did a lot of LSD, not for recreation (well maybe the first time) but -to put it simply- for the doors it opened. I had never had any bad experiences from it, even in considerably high doses. But one day all it took was one hit and it destroyed me. To make a long story short everything ran together sonically into this deep whirring or droning like sound to the point where my temples were pulsating with it, ending in the feeling of brain aneurisms. I haven't been able to even consider injesting another psychedelic. This was 12 years ago.

Since then i've found other ways to continue "the search" (i'm sure you know what i mean). Sundancing being the main tap into spiritual exploration. But my mind keeps coming back to DMT and what i could offer. I've since had the oppertunity to partake in a Peyote ceremony as well as an Ayahuasca ceremony but have just been too terrified to go through with it.

I guess what i'm asking is, should i be afraid? has my body and subconscious already told me enough is enough?
 
i've been working on letting go of fear for years now and i can say pretty confidently that i don't have fear of anything other than that area of consciousness.
I mean the things that ive embraced and overcome while sundancing are intense enough to send your everyday gent running to the sink to wash out his shorts. (not bragging just trying to give some perspective). But the memory of that psycedelic horror still has me shaking in my boots.
I've let go of a lot, but still have not found a way to let go of this. The fear is: am i damaged? could one more time knock the doors off their hinges for good?
 
one reason why it may seem like you have so much fear of the psychedelic experience is because you waited so long to confront your fear..your only memory now is of the bad one

sometimes SWIM has bad experiences...but when that happens...he immediately goes and confronts the negativity and accept it into himself as part of himself...and then it is released


you will be scared when you pick up that pipe...but...just commit...and let go
 
I understand very well what you can feel. You don't know how your body will react and this is frightening if you think about that previous bad trip. A huge difference between DMT and LSD is that DMT alone last few minutes. So you can test growing amount slowly with enough time between tests to check how you react.
Just start to smoke a bit. No need to weight anything. You just inhale a puff.. see what happens and what you feel.
Few min later you can see that everything is ok. Then smoke a bit more... Wuuuuuuf a heavier body rush should happen.
OK that's scaring but it lasts anyway few minutes. You can continue later or the next day.
That way you reassure your body that it can 'handle' the spice.
You will probably feel that your heart accelerate, but that's not the DMT, just the anxiety due to the rush.
When you feel ready, decide for the appropriate time (a quiet evening for example), take eventually a benzo one hour before and go for a bigger dose 8)
If you took the progressive way described above, you may have reduce your fear to 50% (you trust your body).
25 % may be taken by the benzo, the last 25% is your work (I did what I did, no regret, let's see what happens)

No doubt that new doors will open 😉
 
I promise that taking the plunge is worth it. Sure there is fear, there probably always will be a little bit.

I always have to calm down my heartbeat and breathing right before I jump in. I always will. It is scary to die and be reborn, but always know that you will come out stronger and maybe just a little wiser. A benzo might help, but it also might dampen the experience. I won't lie and say I've never taken anything to calm down before a trip, but I've found that soma, if you can get them, won't diminish the effects.

The doors won't just be opened, but thrown open and splintered into 10 million pieces. The light will shine through and permeate your the core of your very being!
 
Thank you for all of your help. Your supportive comments have given me some strength and confidence.
This is an excelent forum. It's nice to see so many with such respect for what i have always been taught are "medicines".
Luckily Ayahuasca and Peyote are not illegal here so it wont be a problem accessing it and in the proper ceremony setting. I look forward to sharing my experience on the forum.
Thank you all again.
 
don't sweat it dude.. your time will come. fear is only temporary. it may sometimes last a long time but it won't last forever.. nothing lasts forever.

just be patient with yourself. DMT is not a thing to force oneself to do. I have a friend who has had spice for 3 years now.. he never touched it up to this point because he simply knew he wasn't ready for it yet. go deep inside yourself and find out if you are truly ready for it.

may you find the light some day!
peace
 
I haven't even broken through yet, but I still find the need to do a bit of quite meditation immediately before any experimentation. As soon as I pick up the smoking device, my heart starts racing, and I feel almost panicky, but if I sit for a few minutes with pipe in hand, preparing myself, it seems to work out well. My next feat will be to convince myself to continue taking rips until I cant anymore :). good luck!
 
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