[quote:96b950b7aa]Sometimes i think there's a point that's reached where it's essentially sensory overload. Too much is seen, too much is experienced, and it just becomes too much to process and thus too much to commit to memory. Hence the blackouts that are common even on normal dosages. [/quote:96b950b7aa] It's interesting that you mention that, because that is exactly the way that SWIM feels. SWIMs 'problem' as it were is that the experience is so fleeting. It feels as though as soon as SWIM regains awareness of his body, he is unable to recall the experience he underwent just seconds before. It feels like the ego-mind is somehow blocked from accessing the experience, but SWIM >feels< the experience was profound, life changing awe-inspiring bliss. He >knows< this to the very core of his being, but as time passes between experiences that feeling is harder and harder to recapture. He's never had a negative experience, every time left feeling positive and reborn. Yet still he doesn't feel any compulsion to consume the spice on the regular, in fact it takes quite some effort to work up the nerve to partake in the experience at all. I relate this again to my ego-mind trying to protect itself and the false reality which creates and sustains it. Every trip into the oneness shows SWIM his true Self, and that is threatening to the ego-mind. SWIM reads trip reports by others where they describe highly specific details of their experience. SWIM couldn't even begin to do this, as he wouldn't be able to put the experience into words even if it was available like a 'normal' memory. It is slightly frustrating, but SWIM is still very new to the spice and he hopes with further excursions he will be able to bring back more traditional memories of the experience. [quote:96b950b7aa]His last two attempts he cant even really remember what happened. he kind of felt like he almost blacked out for a few minutes, but hes unsure do to not having a sitter with him. this leaves swim discouraged.[/quote:96b950b7aa] SWIM can also empathize with this POV, to SWIMS ego-mind the experience is unavailable, like a black out. But SWIM knows he is not just passing out or losing 'consciousness', because even though he cannot remember the experience in the traditional memory sense, after nearly every experience he has this deep feeling, he knows in his heart and body that the experience was real and was a truly important revelation about the true nature of reality aka all is one.