crying

[Eezergoode]

I haven't been on this forum in a long time but when I was here it was always a good community open minded and a lot more accepting than a lot of places.

Recently I've had a really shit time of things, everything is going tits up one by one and I'm struggling with it.

I'm 26 years old I can't remember the last time I cried but recently so much shit has been happening and I really need to cry but I can't, I feel like I've got so much built it but can't get it out.

I now this just sounds like soppy nonsense but I don't know what else to. There's such a stigma in society to guys crying, why?

Do you guys cry? How do you do it?

 

[Aviator]

Don't worry man most people go through rough times. I've been in a rough spot for years...

I cry when I talk to my mom when she asks how I'm doing and she knows I'm feeling down. Just kind of builds up and comes out naturally... not much I can do to fight it.

So, usually talking to someone that you care about that you can talk about your situation with might bring it out.

And don't worry about crying it's good for you. I'm 27 and built like a tank. I cry. So what.

 

[Eezergoode]

I just noticed I posted this in the humour section...I didn't mean that.

Thanks for the reply though aviator it appreciated man.

 

[AllIsDistraction]

I'm 26 years old I can't remember the last time I cried...

Do you guys cry? How do you do it?

Hi there Eezergoode, I'm a guy about your age and cry on a somewhat regular basis, a few times a month I would guess.

I have some friends who have said similar things to me that I read in your post. They actually miss crying but can't figure it out, like the knowledge was lost after they grew up.

The best answer I can think of to your question is that it is a matter of surrender. A letting go. The stigma that makes you think this is soppy nonsense is the same wall that must come down. Fuck what people have labeled crying, be it "feminine" or what have you. It's an incredible cleansing experience that tends to leave one feeling like a whole new person.

I would say find something you love, a good movie, song, book, etc. and just dive in completely. Find something you consider beautiful and merge with it. Forget all notions of what or how a man your age should act and just go all in. Let it wash you away and as you feel yourself opening up the flood gates may just open up all on their own.

The most ironic part is those claiming that crying is for the weak don't understand the strength it takes to surrender.

 

[Metanoia]

The best answer I can think of to your question is that it is a matter of surrender. A letting go. The stigma that makes you think this is soppy nonsense is the same wall that must come down.

The most ironic part is those claiming that crying is for the weak don't understand the strength it takes to surrender.

This is it. Guys are taught to build up emotional barriers and to never show weakness. I think that is a direct cause of a lot of the really bad behavior we see from males. Repressing emotions is very unhealthy, and ineffective. They'll come out eventually, and not always in the most pleasant form.

It really is an act of surrendering. Finding a way to break down that barrier and admit you're human and you hurt. From that, you can be healed.

I cry when I talk to my mom when she asks how I'm doing and she knows I'm feeling down. Just kind of builds up and comes out naturally... not much I can do to fight it.

This is a good suggestion. Someone who you're close to, who you feel very comfortable with, just opening up to them and telling them about the problems you are having.

Also, don't place too much emphasis on the physical act of shedding tears. It's like focusing on trying to get an erection when you can't...it only makes it harder to achieve Just let it happen of its own volition.

 

[universecannon]

Crying can be pretty healing...You just have to to find some way to break through that dam and let your emotions really flood you and come pouring out. What tends to do it for me is beautiful spots in nature, music, or psychedelics (or all three together)

but i'd also take note of Dioxippus's advice
"Also, don't place too much emphasis on the physical act of shedding tears. It's like focusing on trying to get an erection when you can't...it only makes it harder to achieve Very happy Just let it happen of its own volition."

 

[Creo]

I can't cry even when I want to.

But the first time I drank ayahuasca I cried a torrent of tears. And every time since then, I've shed at least a tear or two each time I've drank - it's part of the purgative effect of ayahuasca for me.

 

[The Day Tripper]

Crying can be pretty healing...You just have to to find some way to break through that dam and let your emotions really flood you and come pouring out. What tends to do it for me is beautiful spots in nature, music, or psychedelics (or all three together)

but i'd also take note of Dioxippus's advice
"Also, don't place too much emphasis on the physical act of shedding tears. It's like focusing on trying to get an erection when you can't...it only makes it harder to achieve Very happy Just let it happen of its own volition."

^this^

Almost exactly that.

Not that its a prerequisite, but one of the most cathartic, healing expirences i've had was letting it all flow out while i was on mescaline out in the woods near where i live, on a rock mound that overlooks the basin that encompasses my community.

You can't force it, i didn't expect it to happen at all, and it wasn't my intention going out there. It just kind of creeped up on me as i was thinking about things in my life recently, and suddenly i realized that i was trying to express something intelectually that needed to be let loose emotionally, without restraint.

I've done the same while not tripping, or in certain places, but the mescaline and beautiful scenery that allowed me to feel safe, comfortable, and relaxed, did alot to break down the emotional dams I had build up for months. Afterwards i realized how unhealthy it is to try and resist those feelings i was having, even though i let go and cried, that wasn't the way to deal with the emotions that led me to that particular episode.

The best thing that came out of that, was realizing that simply talking to other people with a compassionate ear, does wonders, and helps deal with the emotional buildup instead of having it come out in a much more extreme manner, like what happened that day i was tripping in the woods.