Cynicism and judgemental tendencies

[Nydex]

I want to preface this by saying this thread's main purpose is to serve as an opportunity to do a deep dive into my own cynicism and judgemental tendencies, and be a tool of self-reflection and personal growth. What follows is, to a large extent, provoked by something @Voidmatrix told me about himself a few months ago - that sometimes he feels he's too cynical and judgemental of others for no good reason at all. Him saying that made me realize the same exact thing about myself.

Over the years and with the help of psychedelics, I have grown inreasingly accepting of other people and their choices, regardless of the extent to which they align with my own views and opinions. Regretfully, I have also allowed myself to refuse that same acceptance in some cases, and still occasionally slip up to this very day. But I know it's a process, not something you achieve once and from that point onward the issue disappears. It's a fire that requires tending to and rekindling. And I want this post to, in a sense, be a fresh new batch of fuel for that fire of mine (and, hopefully, yours too).

To provide a frame of reference and an example to follow, I will use a specific genre of music that's quite popular in the Balkans, called "chalga". You're free to look it up on youtube, though I would not recommend that Over the years, it has evolved from a niche music genre that a specific subset of people like, to unfortunately being at the core of the culture throughout most of my country. It spread like a virus, like a degrading rot, and has now infected 90% of the youth in a way I find disappointing, to put it lightly. It's an offshoot of Serbian pop-folk music which I have always considered a particularly unsavory auditory experience. You can also very frequently find it accompanying situations and events of what I would respectfully call "lower vibrational states". To put it simply - I hate it with a passion, and I associate it with low intelligence and immaturity.

And in saying that latter part, I shine a light on a dangerous assumption I automatically defer to - that those who indulge in this particular genre of music possess lower levels of intelligence and are immature. Even though to me it appears to be a rule, I know there are exceptions to every rule, and there are intelligent people out there that enjoy listening to chalga. I haven't met any yet, and every single time I have regretfully found myself in the presence of this music, I have been surrounded by people whose interests, passions, and conversations are...superficial and lacking of any deeper meaning, to put it lightly.

There, another judgemental observation. It's a cursed loop I have been going around for a long time now. It is nearly impossible for me to not think of someone as possessive of lesser intelligence and superficial thought patterns as soon as I learn they enjoy chalga and its surrounding culture. It screams immaturity and simplemindedness to me. And this is a problem.

Why is it a problem? Because it shows to me that I'm overly judgemental and cynical. I assume negative things about people based on an element from their character that is not necessarily indicative of their level of intelligence or maturity.

The old adage "never judge a book by its cover" comes to mind frequently when I encounter a person whom I find unsavory in some way. I've almost completely abandoned the idea of looks as indicative of anything. Whether someone is fat, fit, ugly, or gorgeous, dressed like a beggar or like a supermodel, makes no difference to me. Yet, paradoxically, something as simple as their taste in music is still able to breed some prejudice in me, and sometimes I have to actively keep myself in check and just tell myself "stop judging".

Perhaps one reason why this occurs is the fact that I have been to chalga clubs a few times more than I want to admit, and I have seen the people and behaviors that take place there. To give you an idea of what those clubs are like - and to pay homage to an excerpt of one of Terence McKenna's greatest talks - it basically goes like so:

Walk in there and you will discover an appeal to the level of intellect that makes what's going on in television advertisements look like a meeting of the Chinese Academy of Sciences' brightest minds.

Having brushed against this saddening descent into the intellectual dregs and the accompanying display of simian behavioral patterns and savagery, I have somewhat subconsciously concluded that people who enjoy going to places like these, and listening to this kind of music, automatically fall in the category of people I wish not to associate with in any way, ever.

But it's never that simple, is it? Also, I need to clarify that I'm in no way implying that my taste in music is "superior", or that my dislike for chalga makes me any more valuable to society than someone that enjoys chalga. Comparing the value of a person is a slippery slope, inherently possessive of assumptions, and dangerously susceptible to prejudice, even subconsciously.

Life never seems to be black or white, but instead a gradient. Time and again when I experience those cynical moments, I have to remind myself to be more open-hearted, more accepting, less judgemental and critical of people whom I know nothing about. People who might be fighting battles within that I would never survive.

In those moments when I slip up and let myself be vitrolic, I quickly get hit with impostor syndrome - am I really as good a person as I think I am, when I let myself be cynical and judgmental? Or am I living in some kind of self-inflicted illusion of being "good"? Going back a few rows, it's never that simple. I have my good sides, and I have my bad ones, as any human does. And it is my duty to nourish the good in me, while I work on starving away the bad.

To be more loving and accepting, and less venomous and bitter. Even in those moments when life has kicked me down, I have to remind myself to be better and to resist being hateful.

And having amazing people like you all to inspire me to be a better person is so, so, so powerful. Void has been such a blessing in my life, for even in his most difficult moments, he's always had his heart open to me and shown me unconditional love and support. So I aspire to be more like him, and to give the world something in return.

How do you all deal with this? What keeps you in check? What derails you? Tell me how you feel.

With love and humility,
Nydex

 

[Voidmatrix]

What a beautiful surprise. I am honored brother

You shared a lot about what goes on internally, but how are you externally, ie how do you  treat others. While the reserves of our minds is a private space, our behavior seems to be in the medium for all to see. No one controls everything about themselves, including thought patterns. We work to improve them through exercises like this.

Now what if some people are of differing intellect, with a majority not being on the higher end? And what if certain intellects of certain ranges of degrees do gravitate towards similar things like music? What if this is true? What really makes this bothersome? I'd say it's the inner realization of the lack of connection one may be able to have with others. We may not notice this, but I think it's what's going on. We're social, and deep down, we want to be able to connect to everyone. That would feel the absolute safest from a survival sense. Also, if some people are dumb, and that is a "reality" ask yourself, is it their fault.

I want to commend you on a well delineated discourse exemplifying shadow work. If there's work books for the topic, this would be a great example to share.

At the same time, give yourself some grace too

One love

 

[Nydex]

You shared a lot about what goes on internally, but how are you externally, ie how do you  treat others. While the reserves of our minds is a private space, our behavior seems to be in the medium for all to see. No one controls everything about themselves, including thought patterns. We work to improve them through exercises like this.

You are right, perhaps I should have made it clearer how I treat others, not just how I sometimes think of them. I think I can safely say I treat everyone with kindness and acceptance. I never insult people or try to make them feel bad in any way, regardless of how I feel about them. I would much rather not say or do anything than belittle someone else. And in the situations where I have made people feel bad, willingly or not, I've always felt even worse after. So the way I treat others hasn't been an issue for me for a good few years now.

Now what if some people are of differing intellect, with a majority not being on the higher end? And what if certain intellects of certain ranges of degrees do gravitate towards similar things like music? What if this is true? What really makes this bothersome? I'd say it's the inner realization of the lack of connection one may be able to have with others. We may not notice this, but I think it's what's going on. We're social, and deep down, we want to be able to connect to everyone. That would feel the absolute safest from a survival sense.

That is absolutely why I see those thought patterns as dangerous and unproductive - because they rob me of potential connections with people that I can learn from, and people that might enrich my life with their presence. As you say, we naturally seek connection with others. We're a herd animal, always have been, always will be. The soul withers away in solitary confinement.

Also, if some people are dumb, and that is a "reality" ask yourself, is it their fault.

I don't really blame anyone for their choices and the apparent level of their intellectual prowess. It would be ridiculous to do so. For some, it's a choice. For others - circumstance and product of environment and upbringing. When I boil it down, it's not about blame. It's not about "why are you like this", but about "you are like this, so I don't want to associate with you". And in that latter part lies the danger. But not just there. It's also a problem because it signals to me I have some inner work to do.

Thank you for your invaluable insights.

 

[Voidmatrix]

You are right, perhaps I should have made it clearer how I treat others, not just how I sometimes think of them. I think I can safely say I treat everyone with kindness and acceptance. I never insult people or try to make them feel bad in any way, regardless of how I feel about them. I would much rather not say or do anything than belittle someone else. And in the situations where I have made people feel bad, willingly or not, I've always felt even worse after. So the way I treat others hasn't been an issue for me for a good few years now.

There's a balance to be had here though right? One ought not to be blindly compassionate. That benefits no one in the long run.

That is absolutely why I see those thought patterns as dangerous and unproductive - because they rob me of potential connections with people that I can learn from, and people that might enrich my life with their presence. As you say, we naturally seek connection with others. We're a herd animal, always have been, always will be. The soul withers away in solitary confinement.

Well, now, are we going to connect and be enriched by everyone? Unlikely. It's okay to have preferences. Nothing wrong with that. One need not milk each and every interaction, relationship, experience, sometimes we just need to be in the flow.

It's not about "why are you like this", but about "you are like this, so I don't want to associate with you". And in that latter part lies the danger. But not just there. It's also a problem because it signals to me I have some inner work to do.

Let it be about "why are you like this," but in a way that elicits understanding. You may learn a lot from the thought experiments this can bring about and allow you to shrug more off. Understanding why may allow to want associate with them

And you'll likely always have work to do. You're always changing.

One love

 

[MAGMA17]

I definitely found myself in what you say, as I think most people do (obviously excluding the idiots. I only mean us: la creme de la creme)

 

[Nydex]

Very fair points, @Voidmatrix. This is why I wanted to tag you specifically, because you always give me a different perspective that is valuable in its own right. I guess I should be more malleable in the way I see myself, and be more forgiving towards the emotions that arise in me when interacting with people.

Going with the flow is still something I'm learning to do more often.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Thank you kindly brother. I am glad I can be of assistance and support.

I'm still learning many of these things as well. They don't come instantly. They mandate practice. However, one thing I always personally come back to is balance. Balance in all things, including the stances we take on things.

One love

 

[MAGMA17]

Paradox: you are (rightly) fighting your judgemental tendencies because you are judgemental about yourself.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Paradox: you are (rightly) fighting your judgemental tendencies because you are judgemental about yourself.

That and likely wants avoid being a hypocrite

One love

 

[Nydex]

Thank you kindly brother. I am glad I can be of assistance and support.

I'm still learning many of these things as well. They don't come instantly. They mandate practice. However, one thing I always personally come back to is balance. Balance in all things, including the stances we take on things.

One love

Indeed, balance is the key, which is why I always carry my yin-yang symbol with me. Well, that, and the fact it's kind of tattooed on me, but my point still stands

Paradox: you are (rightly) fighting your judgemental tendencies because you are judgemental about yourself.

I see what you did there But when the judgement is turned towards yourself, it can be interpreted as an effort in self-improvement and character development, won't you agree?

 

[Voidmatrix]

But when the judgement is turned towards yourself, it can be interpreted as an effort in self-improvement and character development, won't you agree?

Shit, no always. It can be self deprecating and destructive also.

One love

 

[MAGMA17]

I see what you did there But when the judgement is turned towards yourself, it can be interpreted as an effort in self-improvement and character development, won't you agree?

Yes! But the fact that you are changing the interpretation is because for yourself you are giving it a positive connotation, while for the others a negative one, so it remains “just” a judgement. If you change your perspective you will see that you will find different terms for the latter activity, too!

Edit: remember that I am just talking to myself

 

[Jungleheart]

Howdy. I think that free will might be fairly limited in one's life path, and that their core might be very similar to yours, and maybe you would have their views if you had their life experiences. That's how I look at it.

 

[Nydex]

Shit, no always. It can be self deprecating and destructive also.

One love

It can definitely be self-deprecating. In fact, in most cases it is exactly that. But the fact that it can be the opposite too differentiates it from unspoken judgement towards others, which is always negative and basically doesn't help them grow since you keep it in yourself and let it simmer. But I do get the point.

Howdy. I think that free will might be fairly limited in one's life path, and that their core might be very similar to yours, and maybe you would have their views if you had their life experiences. That's how I look at it.

While I do consider free will a very thorny subject, I agree with you. People are always a product of consequence, environment, and upbringing, and often their paths are shaped by those things very early on. As an ongoing process of being more accepting, I try and put myself in other people's shoes, but that's a challenging task when you know nothing about them. Sure, you could imagine a set of assumptions for how they came to the choices they made, but isn't that just more assumptions, leading to imaginary situations that might or might not have anything to do with reality?

Again, I do get the point, though. I have a fair bit more shadow work to do.

Thank you all for your input

 

[Physics131]

Resonating with lots of aspects you wrote and want to share some of my thoughts.
I think someone can be whatever and however he wants to be.
It takes time and effort and is not something achieved from one day to the other.
If someone sees value in some characteristic he can work to get to this point.
Independently of what kind of values this are.
Some characteristics could be considered more or less valueable for a being.

If someone is on this path of self improvement then in my opinion it is very important to think about how oneself wants oneself to be.
Then think about where oneself is currently located.
Then conclude what is missing to get where one wants to get.
And there are very different paths of getting there.
Also sometimes one has to go a step back in order to be able to walk forward.

Regarding being judgemental, I never thought about you being judgementel on others.
It is very paradoxical that I am very self judgementel in a self critical aspect.
But I do not like to be judged by others or want to judge others.
I think that one big problem in humanity is that people view others as physical bodys instead of viewing others as souls or beings.
This way of how people tend to view others creates lots of scenarious of conflicts.
While a physical body is not free of race, personal preferences, identity, seeking power, ..
A sould or being is completly decoupled from all of this negative aspects.
And judgement plays a big role in this scenario.
We never know what a soul had to go through and I think that judgement at this point would be disrespect caused by ignorance.
This is manly my reason why it is very important for me to be not judgemental.
Sometimes it does not work out because of my temper but I do not think of it as anexcuse.
This is mainly my reason why I try not to be judgemental.

I also have this feelings of imposter sometimes.
It got better over time.
What helped me was to remember myself where and how I started, what I accomplished and where I got today.
In this situations focusing on what one achieved helps to get to the ground.
But I also think that a small bereeze of imposter can also be beneficial.
The emotion triggered of not being good enough could be redirect in a way to achieve even more.
When being too sure about oneself then it could occur that one stays the way someone is because that state would already be sufficient.

Keep going and good luck on your path!

 

[Nydex]

I never thought about you being judgementel on others

That is mainly because, as I pointed out, I never actually treat people badly regardless of how I feel about them. I've been kind and have helped out people I dislike many times in the past, and will do it again in the future, just because I want to see more kindness in the world around me, which creates a bit of a conflict with said sporadic slip ups of mine that thankfully exist only in my head.

What helped me was to remember myself where and how I started, what I accomplished and where I got today.

That's a good way of looking at it. Just remembering what kind of person I was even just 5 years ago, let alone more, gives me an overwhelming sense of progress, which usually deals with the temporary blip of impostor syndrome quite well.

Thanks for sharing your perspective

 

[Varallo]

I want to preface this by saying this thread's main purpose is to serve as an opportunity to do a deep dive into my own cynicism and judgemental tendencies, and be a tool of self-reflection and personal growth. What follows is, to a large extent, provoked by something @Voidmatrix told me about himself a few months ago - that sometimes he feels he's too cynical and judgemental of others for no good reason at all. Him saying that made me realize the same exact thing about myself.

Over the years and with the help of psychedelics, I have grown inreasingly accepting of other people and their choices, regardless of the extent to which they align with my own views and opinions. Regretfully, I have also allowed myself to refuse that same acceptance in some cases, and still occasionally slip up to this very day. But I know it's a process, not something you achieve once and from that point onward the issue disappears. It's a fire that requires tending to and rekindling. And I want this post to, in a sense, be a fresh new batch of fuel for that fire of mine (and, hopefully, yours too).

To provide a frame of reference and an example to follow, I will use a specific genre of music that's quite popular in the Balkans, called "chalga". You're free to look it up on youtube, though I would not recommend that Over the years, it has evolved from a niche music genre that a specific subset of people like, to unfortunately being at the core of the culture throughout most of my country. It spread like a virus, like a degrading rot, and has now infected 90% of the youth in a way I find disappointing, to put it lightly. It's an offshoot of Serbian pop-folk music which I have always considered a particularly unsavory auditory experience. You can also very frequently find it accompanying situations and events of what I would respectfully call "lower vibrational states". To put it simply - I hate it with a passion, and I associate it with low intelligence and immaturity.

And in saying that latter part, I shine a light on a dangerous assumption I automatically defer to - that those who indulge in this particular genre of music possess lower levels of intelligence and are immature. Even though to me it appears to be a rule, I know there are exceptions to every rule, and there are intelligent people out there that enjoy listening to chalga. I haven't met any yet, and every single time I have regretfully found myself in the presence of this music, I have been surrounded by people whose interests, passions, and conversations are...superficial and lacking of any deeper meaning, to put it lightly.

There, another judgemental observation. It's a cursed loop I have been going around for a long time now. It is nearly impossible for me to not think of someone as possessive of lesser intelligence and superficial thought patterns as soon as I learn they enjoy chalga and its surrounding culture. It screams immaturity and simplemindedness to me. And this is a problem.

Why is it a problem? Because it shows to me that I'm overly judgemental and cynical. I assume negative things about people based on an element from their character that is not necessarily indicative of their level of intelligence or maturity.

The old adage "never judge a book by its cover" comes to mind frequently when I encounter a person whom I find unsavory in some way. I've almost completely abandoned the idea of looks as indicative of anything. Whether someone is fat, fit, ugly, or gorgeous, dressed like a beggar or like a supermodel, makes no difference to me. Yet, paradoxically, something as simple as their taste in music is still able to breed some prejudice in me, and sometimes I have to actively keep myself in check and just tell myself "stop judging".

Perhaps one reason why this occurs is the fact that I have been to chalga clubs a few times more than I want to admit, and I have seen the people and behaviors that take place there. To give you an idea of what those clubs are like - and to pay homage to an excerpt of one of Terence McKenna's greatest talks - it basically goes like so:


Having brushed against this saddening descent into the intellectual dregs and the accompanying display of simian behavioral patterns and savagery, I have somewhat subconsciously concluded that people who enjoy going to places like these, and listening to this kind of music, automatically fall in the category of people I wish not to associate with in any way, ever.

But it's never that simple, is it? Also, I need to clarify that I'm in no way implying that my taste in music is "superior", or that my dislike for chalga makes me any more valuable to society than someone that enjoys chalga. Comparing the value of a person is a slippery slope, inherently possessive of assumptions, and dangerously susceptible to prejudice, even subconsciously.

Life never seems to be black or white, but instead a gradient. Time and again when I experience those cynical moments, I have to remind myself to be more open-hearted, more accepting, less judgemental and critical of people whom I know nothing about. People who might be fighting battles within that I would never survive.

In those moments when I slip up and let myself be vitrolic, I quickly get hit with impostor syndrome - am I really as good a person as I think I am, when I let myself be cynical and judgmental? Or am I living in some kind of self-inflicted illusion of being "good"? Going back a few rows, it's never that simple. I have my good sides, and I have my bad ones, as any human does. And it is my duty to nourish the good in me, while I work on starving away the bad.

To be more loving and accepting, and less venomous and bitter. Even in those moments when life has kicked me down, I have to remind myself to be better and to resist being hateful.

And having amazing people like you all to inspire me to be a better person is so, so, so powerful. Void has been such a blessing in my life, for even in his most difficult moments, he's always had his heart open to me and shown me unconditional love and support. So I aspire to be more like him, and to give the world something in return.

How do you all deal with this? What keeps you in check? What derails you? Tell me how you feel.

With love and humility,
Nydex

Thanks for your our analysis and introspection, as you know I’m somewhat analytical and communicating things that might need a more tender approach is not my strongest attribute, so to mitigate that I will try this reply by mostly raising questions that I would ask myself because in my view that is where you could benefit most. I my opinion you should be diving deeper into the why behind your desires for self-improvement. Why do you want to be more loving? Why do you feel the need to be less bitter? What ultimately drives you toward these goals?

I think these questions are essential because they get to the core of your experience. Are you trying to become more accepting because it aligns with your deeper values, or because you feel you “should”? Are these desires born from genuine empathy, or are they motivated by something like guilt or the need to see yourself as a “good person”?

I ask this not as a criticism but as something to think about. Without understanding what’s pulling you in this direction, it’s easy for the process of change to feel hollow or disconnected. Maybe the answers will help you out or maybe they’ll shift how you think about what growth really means for you. Either way, I think they’re worth exploring.

I’m my personal experience I found that why am I feeling, doing, acting is at the core of understanding myself and my desires but also my limitations, so maybe it’s something for you to.

 

[Nydex]

Thank you for the deep insight, @Varallo. I completely agree with you - it's the why that matters more than the what. In my case, the why is what I mentioned earlier - I want this change because I want to see more kindness and, for a lack of a better term, humanity, in the world around me. The old cliché of "being the change you want to see in the world" rings quite appropriate in my case. I truly believe in a better world, and I believe the only way to get there is by being better people.

Yesterday I did a small exercise in the gym, an approach I've applied before and it has always worked nicely. This idea came to me from listening a Huberman Lab podcast episode with former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator Chris Voss, in which he gave an example of modulating the energy of a conversation from the start by getting into an Uber, and specifically asking the driver "what's the thing you love the most about your job" which immediately distracts the person from what they hate about their job and makes them focus on what they love about it, which is a positive change of mind. Even if this change of mind is only temporary, small things add up and definitely modify how your day feels overall. Obviously, this has much more value in an interrogation scenario, but it's also very potent in normal everyday affairs.

So, whenever I saw someone in the gym, I tried to consciously steer my first thoughts about them towards "what do I like about this person" instead of "what do I dislike about this person". It doesn't even matter how consequential the thing I choose is - their outfit, the way their hair looks, the fact that they're overweight and made the conscious choice of being in the gym and working on losing the weight, etc. Anything works, as long as I don't let the first thought that comes to me to be negative.

And it works like a charm. When you apply it correctly, it fundamentally changes the way you perceive someone. I tried comparing it against my usual kneejerk approach of letting the negative thought come first, and it created such an obvious disparity in how I feel about others around me, in a good way. Regardless of how I looked at it, the positive approach seems better in every way imaginable.

And it turns out you don't really have to create imaginary things in your head to perceive something you like about someone - there's always something to be found.

Call it a "hack" if you will, but I would recommend anyone struggling with what I laid out in this thread to test this approach out and see how well it works for themselves.

In any case, I'm so grateful to you all for providing your perspectives and insights here. It's really made me think about important aspects of my journey, and of how I approach other people.

 

[Varallo]

Well all these approaches are very practical and useful for the effect they have but might not really work on a deeper level. I think that when applying these methods I would feel more and more like I’m playing a trick on myself and others around me. Is this really real or is it me manipulating my reality to fit my ideals?
So I suggest that you could also ask the question of what’s driving your desire to see more kindness and humanity in the world. Not just as an abstract ideal, but on a personal level. What is it about this aspiration that resonates deeply with you? And from there all the questions about why’s.

So why is about understanding the reasons for what you desire, for example is it possible that you’ve experienced a lack of kindness or humanity in your own life and are seeking to correct that imbalance? Or maybe cynicism has felt limiting or even corrosive in a way that’s become hard to ignore. Perhaps being judgmental creates a version of yourself that feels disconnected from who you truly want to be. What would it mean, at your core, to become someone who naturally sees the good first? And the list could go on forever.

I think it’s about uncovering the emotional root behind your efforts. You could also ask whether this process is driven by a genuine desire for connection and understanding. Or perhaps by a sense of responsibility or even guilt about how you see the world. Are you pursuing this change because it aligns with your values, or because you feel you should?

So in my opinion going deeper and asking these questions might help ground your journey in something more personal, something you can truly feel rather than just think about. That could make the process of change feel more authentic, transforming it from something you’re working on into something you are. Maybe it’s worth sitting with those questions for a while and seeing what comes up.

Good luck

Edit:

I realize that this is something that is very much an approach that I would consider to be helpful, but also not necessarily something for others.

 

[Nydex]

Well all these approaches are very practical and useful for the effect they have but might not really work on a deeper level. I think that when applying these methods I would feel more and more like I’m playing a trick on myself and others around me. Is this really real or is it me manipulating my reality to fit my ideals?

While I do see your point, there's an important thing that needs pointing out - you're constantly playing tricks on yourself via your subconscious self and the beliefs embedded within you. To ask if something is "real" is to step foot in the realm of paradox. You're constantly manipulating your reality in some way via your senses, imagination, and by just being a human experiencing life as part of a complex structure - society.

So I suggest that you could also ask the question of what’s driving your desire to see more kindness and humanity in the world. Not just as an abstract ideal, but on a personal level. What is it about this aspiration that resonates deeply with you? And from there all the questions about why’s.

I think it's only natural to want to see more kindness in the world. Kindness brings about a positive vibration. It makes the world better for all parties involved (except those that thrive on things opposite of kindness). On a personal level, I want to be as kind as I can without being dishonest because I think it's the right thing to do - to aspire and be a better influence on those around me. Why? Because I want to see other people thrive just as much as I thrive. What good is it to be the emperor of a dead empire?

So why is about understanding the reasons for what you desire, for example is it possible that you’ve experienced a lack of kindness or humanity in your own life and are seeking to correct that imbalance? Or maybe cynicism has felt limiting or even corrosive in a way that’s become hard to ignore. Perhaps being judgmental creates a version of yourself that feels disconnected from who you truly want to be. What would it mean, at your core, to become someone who naturally sees the good first? And the list could go on forever.

Most of these combined. Thankfully, I have been blessed enough to not have experienced any lack of kindness in my life. I've been surrounded mostly by amazing people whom I call family and friends. Cynicism has definitely felt limiting in a way - by being cynical, one assumes things without any evidence, and that's a dangerous path to go on.

What would it mean to be someone that naturally sees the good first? It would mean a lot. It would mean that I've overcome the bitterness, the jealousy, the mindless anger. It would mean I've managed to destroy a nasty habit and replace it with a positive one. It would signal growth. And it would allow me to connect more naturally with others.

The "hack" I shared above naturally won't work for everyone, and it doesn't have to. But it's definitely one approach you can take in exploring these emotions. There's no "right" way to do things.

I'm currently reading Atomic Habits and it's made me realize quite a few things about my habits. This thread exposes one of my bad habits which I want to replace with a good one (the one outlined in my last comment). And it's perfectly doable, with enough mindfulness.

As I alluded to earlier, all of this is quite personal to me, so take it all with a grain of salt and don't assume that any of what I say here should or will apply to your life. It's just how I navigate things within me which I consider worthy of effort to change.

In any case, row, row, row your boat, and go with the flow.