Mr°Joie
Esteemed member
*
Hi everybody !
So let's put it all together. It's gonna be an exercice for me since English is not my first language and i'm not entirely confident about not waking Shakespeare up
. I will do my best though I discovered Dmt almost 10 years ago with changa, had two small trip in a row; i reported them in another topic (long time ago), if you wanna check.
Four years ago i had the chance to put my hand on 50/50 Changa mix; no maoi was added to it but the maoi contained in the caapi leaves which were the main carrier.
It should be noted that in between my first try 10 years ago, and the rediscovering, or i could even say discovering, 4 years ago, the gap was empty of any psychedelic substance.
At that time in a place, mid France, where i was working as a season worker for an hotel, near a lake, surrounded by small mountains. I was living with few other people in an nice house with a green garden where we were able to grow veggies
It's was a summer sunny day, i was off, the sky was blue and i had my hand on that newly acquired Changa.
I decided it was the day to give it a try:
I settled a long chair in the garden, laid there, surrounded by the green and the blue.
It was a joint, 100mg. i started to smoke, slowly, taking care to keep every puff for sometimes in my lungs..
The come up was slow, but at the end of the joint i was in, suddenly transported from the outside colors to the inside ones, which were reflecting the idea of the sunny day. Fractals were moving at the rythm of the music i put in my ears and started to clump all together. I can't see it anymore, there is an entity though, made of fractals, it's near and.. it's giant, and it's not a visual, it's a feeling. Suddenly, i understand, in an instant "you're not allowed here yet". No words, again, just a feeling.
Brutal end of the trip. At that very moment i'm feeling a little disappointed.
Is that it ?
Little i knew what was to come the next few years with this molecule
So ! Having Being gatekeeped by a giant entity, two weeks later i decided to do it right, or what i thought was right, and i went to do wouhouu stuff in the forest haha !
Spend my morning singing mantras to ease my self, sending prayers and so on.
I went into the lake to wash myself, hoping the bath to make me pious.
I went into the forest, found a pine cone, settled it on a small stump with incense sticks and a small drawing of an Hindu God.
I sat near my altar and started to smoke. As soon as the effect started i knew something was wrong.
Far above at the top of the trees, rushing toward me were thousand dark entities whose hit me and pushed me to fall backwards, pushing again, and again seing myself sinking into the leaves, into the ground, under the ground, with roots, and rotten life.
They were coming to my face to scare me.
My instinct grabbed me to pray, and the entities said, "no you're prayers are of no use here, we told you, you're not ready"
And : sudden flash! Me, and some unresolved darkness..
"deal with it, and come back"
I opened my eyes, quickly grabbed my stuff and left in hurry and chocked.
I spent the day in that state, chocked and sadden by this instant realization about myself.
There's a wound, and it's big, and deep down, if you keep avoiding it you keep hurting it and worsening it.
A wound when seen is bathed by your own presence.
There were nothing to do about it but love, and forgive.
There was nothing to do about it but to see, and to remember... Love and forgiveness.
Writing it now feels like it is an ever ongoing process were you never stop to learn about deepening love, and forgiveness. Falling back and being remembered, falling back and being remembered......
It took me some times to gather the courage to do it again, maybe one or two months; dont remember.
One day many things appeared to align in a way that made sense to me, and i knew it was the right day.
So before bed, no wouhouh... Just me and the dark and the newly acquired pipe... 100mg as usual... Almost no visual, but from far, the same scary entities as the second time in the forest, looked at me and went :"WELCOME HERE ! we send you back the love you gave to yourself"
I felt so joyous, being loved, and held.
There, the gate was open
*
