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Whoring an orange door hinge
Hello,
It's a bit tedious, but I have to explain my past to properly ask my questions, I apologize and appreciate anyone that endures!
I have suffered from depression for about 19 years, since I was 16. I have had many years of success with conventional medications, mostly MAOI's but all have "pooped out" which is called tachyphylaxis, a fun word to say but a real bitch to experience. What is so baffling about this is that no matter how long you wait after a poop out, the drugs won't work again (some do a little bit), thus something must have been permanently altered in my brain, it's like the disease adapts and overcomes the treatment. I have tried ECT, a VNS implant and a DBS implant. I have made little effort with diet, exercise or talk therapy, a problem which I now fully recognize but I am in such bad shape I can't fully implement them; I now know that I should have worked harder in this manner when a drug was successful!
Questions:
1.This all started when I consumed a large does of hash and flipped out in terror while simultaneously not being able to escape from a mind I suddenly feared. I handled LSD very well on two previous occasions. Anyway the terror passed but re-emerged a week later and then after several months settled down into what I was told was depression. Any ideas about this? Does latent depression simply emerge following trauma or have I been unable to psychically integrate that initial experience?
2.Hearing about ayahuasca's ability to help one deal with depression, I extracted some DMT from MHRB. I found my threshold dose and then broke through minimally about five times. It was quite intense, beautiful and interesting, the creatures were friendly, but it seemed like I would need more time in that place to help with my condition. I was amazed at the feeling that I was not myself, this feeling to a far lesser degree has lingered. I will be on an MAOI (phenelzine) in about a month so I was hoping to take the DMT orally and achieve an ayahuasca type experience. What dose should I take (I needed 40-50mg to break through)? Do I need an experienced shamen or sitter?
I am in very bad shape, anxious and depressed, and I am very scared of the intensity of DMT, but of course I want to get better and will do what is necessary. Does this seem like a psychic problem that a psychedelic could help? I have anecdotally heard that Salvia and Ayahuasca could be helpful, does anyone know how? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Any and all advice is appreciated!
It's a bit tedious, but I have to explain my past to properly ask my questions, I apologize and appreciate anyone that endures!
I have suffered from depression for about 19 years, since I was 16. I have had many years of success with conventional medications, mostly MAOI's but all have "pooped out" which is called tachyphylaxis, a fun word to say but a real bitch to experience. What is so baffling about this is that no matter how long you wait after a poop out, the drugs won't work again (some do a little bit), thus something must have been permanently altered in my brain, it's like the disease adapts and overcomes the treatment. I have tried ECT, a VNS implant and a DBS implant. I have made little effort with diet, exercise or talk therapy, a problem which I now fully recognize but I am in such bad shape I can't fully implement them; I now know that I should have worked harder in this manner when a drug was successful!
Questions:
1.This all started when I consumed a large does of hash and flipped out in terror while simultaneously not being able to escape from a mind I suddenly feared. I handled LSD very well on two previous occasions. Anyway the terror passed but re-emerged a week later and then after several months settled down into what I was told was depression. Any ideas about this? Does latent depression simply emerge following trauma or have I been unable to psychically integrate that initial experience?
2.Hearing about ayahuasca's ability to help one deal with depression, I extracted some DMT from MHRB. I found my threshold dose and then broke through minimally about five times. It was quite intense, beautiful and interesting, the creatures were friendly, but it seemed like I would need more time in that place to help with my condition. I was amazed at the feeling that I was not myself, this feeling to a far lesser degree has lingered. I will be on an MAOI (phenelzine) in about a month so I was hoping to take the DMT orally and achieve an ayahuasca type experience. What dose should I take (I needed 40-50mg to break through)? Do I need an experienced shamen or sitter?
I am in very bad shape, anxious and depressed, and I am very scared of the intensity of DMT, but of course I want to get better and will do what is necessary. Does this seem like a psychic problem that a psychedelic could help? I have anecdotally heard that Salvia and Ayahuasca could be helpful, does anyone know how? Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Any and all advice is appreciated!
)
