Librarian
Etienne
My first experience was very weird, and I am still somewhat ambivalent about how I feel about it.
I had extracted from 200g MHRB using xylene to get beautiful yellow crystals ( proudest moment of my life ).
I had already bought a 0.001 scale, but it is still on the way, so I'm not sure exactly how much I took, but it was definitely in the range of 15 to 50 mg, based on some improvised calculations.
I had actually been planning an ayahuasca preparation and journey for the evening, but forgot all about that when I saw that my extractions had formed crystals so quickly (8 hours in front of a fan, plus 3 days in my closet. I had expected at least 2 weeks).
So I quickly loaded my bong with layers of mint/spice/mint. I was so excited, my hands were trembling as I lit up. I took in a huge lungful of smoke, and it wasn't nearly as harsh as I thought. I held it in until everything started vibrating, sort of like a camera quickly and repeatedly changing focal depth, if that makes sense. A second later it hit me.
I had been preparing for this moment for many years, and had been confident I could handle it. Yet I was seriously thrown by the almost-instant onset. It was so quick, swept the rug right out from under me.
This initial shock casued fear to rise up inside me, as well as plenty confusion.
It was like reality itself had disolved into millions of spiky animated lines, all changing size and perspective yet strangely remaining perfectly spaced from each other. But I could still see my room faintly through this vortex of madness. I could also still hear the traffic outside my apartment, but also this all pervasive humming. Also the taste of apples.
I had difficulty moving, yet I just could not lie still and enjoy it. I was constantly tossing and turning on my bed, not sure where to look. I didn't dare close my eyes. My initial fear had now blossomed into terror and negative emotions, and I was somewhat repulsed by the hallucinations. I just wanted it to be over.
I kept repeating to myself ' Its physically harmless. It's physically harmless. ' which helped a lot.
I had also learned a trick to dealing with bad psychedelic experiences back when I took large doses of lsd. The trick is, when you start to feel the fear, just fake it.
Act as if you are having a good experience. Start laughing. Tell yourself loudly : ' I am loving this.' Keep grinning. Allow the love in. And very quickly, all this becomes true and you are not acting anymore.
It worked for acid, and it turns out it works for dmt too, though with a bit more effort. The fear went away, and I felt a gradual increase in joy. The last two or three minutes went very well. I loved it, and was sad when I came down. I was in awe. Shocked, humbled, grateful. The power of this drug is immense :surprised
In retrospect I should have paid more attention to set and setting. That much is obvious. Also my initial anxiety about taking the drug had been potentiated much more than anticipated. Also, only in retrospect is it clear that the difference between my expectations and the reality of dmt was a big contributing factor to the fear. I had expected one thing, and freaked out when it turned out to be totally unlike that.
Tonight I will try again, but this time with a lot more respect. Purify my apartment. Purify myself with a bath. At least fifteen minutes of calming meditation beforehand. Incense and hippy music. And most importantly, take about 3/4 of what I had the last time. I'm not really comfortable with taking anymore than that till I have a proper scale.
I am just not sure if what I had was a breakthrough dose ? Could I have had a breakthrough dose, then kept myself grounded through sheer fear and bewilderment and reluctance to commit?
It only lasted six minutes, and I was always aware of my surroundings and state of mind. This suggests it was a small dose.
On the other hand, the hallucinations were much more intense than I thought possible with a less-than-breakthrough dose. I also seem to have forgotten big parts of what I saw, which I thought only happens on higher doses.
If it turns out this is only a tiny little dose, way beneath breakthrough levels, I don't think I will be able to handle a breakthrough dose.
Any thoughts would be most welcome, fellow Nexians.
I had extracted from 200g MHRB using xylene to get beautiful yellow crystals ( proudest moment of my life ).
I had already bought a 0.001 scale, but it is still on the way, so I'm not sure exactly how much I took, but it was definitely in the range of 15 to 50 mg, based on some improvised calculations.
I had actually been planning an ayahuasca preparation and journey for the evening, but forgot all about that when I saw that my extractions had formed crystals so quickly (8 hours in front of a fan, plus 3 days in my closet. I had expected at least 2 weeks).
So I quickly loaded my bong with layers of mint/spice/mint. I was so excited, my hands were trembling as I lit up. I took in a huge lungful of smoke, and it wasn't nearly as harsh as I thought. I held it in until everything started vibrating, sort of like a camera quickly and repeatedly changing focal depth, if that makes sense. A second later it hit me.
I had been preparing for this moment for many years, and had been confident I could handle it. Yet I was seriously thrown by the almost-instant onset. It was so quick, swept the rug right out from under me.
This initial shock casued fear to rise up inside me, as well as plenty confusion.
It was like reality itself had disolved into millions of spiky animated lines, all changing size and perspective yet strangely remaining perfectly spaced from each other. But I could still see my room faintly through this vortex of madness. I could also still hear the traffic outside my apartment, but also this all pervasive humming. Also the taste of apples.
I had difficulty moving, yet I just could not lie still and enjoy it. I was constantly tossing and turning on my bed, not sure where to look. I didn't dare close my eyes. My initial fear had now blossomed into terror and negative emotions, and I was somewhat repulsed by the hallucinations. I just wanted it to be over.
I kept repeating to myself ' Its physically harmless. It's physically harmless. ' which helped a lot.
I had also learned a trick to dealing with bad psychedelic experiences back when I took large doses of lsd. The trick is, when you start to feel the fear, just fake it.
Act as if you are having a good experience. Start laughing. Tell yourself loudly : ' I am loving this.' Keep grinning. Allow the love in. And very quickly, all this becomes true and you are not acting anymore.
It worked for acid, and it turns out it works for dmt too, though with a bit more effort. The fear went away, and I felt a gradual increase in joy. The last two or three minutes went very well. I loved it, and was sad when I came down. I was in awe. Shocked, humbled, grateful. The power of this drug is immense :surprised
In retrospect I should have paid more attention to set and setting. That much is obvious. Also my initial anxiety about taking the drug had been potentiated much more than anticipated. Also, only in retrospect is it clear that the difference between my expectations and the reality of dmt was a big contributing factor to the fear. I had expected one thing, and freaked out when it turned out to be totally unlike that.
Tonight I will try again, but this time with a lot more respect. Purify my apartment. Purify myself with a bath. At least fifteen minutes of calming meditation beforehand. Incense and hippy music. And most importantly, take about 3/4 of what I had the last time. I'm not really comfortable with taking anymore than that till I have a proper scale.
I am just not sure if what I had was a breakthrough dose ? Could I have had a breakthrough dose, then kept myself grounded through sheer fear and bewilderment and reluctance to commit?
It only lasted six minutes, and I was always aware of my surroundings and state of mind. This suggests it was a small dose.
On the other hand, the hallucinations were much more intense than I thought possible with a less-than-breakthrough dose. I also seem to have forgotten big parts of what I saw, which I thought only happens on higher doses.
If it turns out this is only a tiny little dose, way beneath breakthrough levels, I don't think I will be able to handle a breakthrough dose.
Any thoughts would be most welcome, fellow Nexians.
