Nathanial.Dread
Esteemed member
Age: 20
Mindset: Nervous, but excited. Last trip had been intense and difficult, but ultimately productive.
Setting: Wandering through the woods and fields on a very nice Spring afternoon.
Dose: 2g, cubensis, prepared in chamomile tea.
Worth Noting: I have microdosed a LOT of mushrooms over the last five months. Probably had close to 50/60 days wherein I took 0.07 – 0.1 grams of mushrooms. I feel the expanded consciousness almost all the time now. My perspective seems to have changed in a deep way (a way that is very conducive to doing science and math, btw, which is cool), and I wonder if that contributed to the oddness of this experience.
Report:
It's only been 24 hours since I came down, and so this is mostly to help myself hold onto the experience, and begin to interate it into something meaningful. Currently, I'm not sure what to make of it, which I know is part of the integration experience, but I cannot help but feel a little bit...confused?
The plan was for me to trip with a sober sitter and another friend, who was having her first ever psychedelic experiences (she'd smoked weed twice before, and consumed alcohol, but was otherwise almost completely new to altered states of consciousness, although she was a spiritual person). We made the tea (she hadn't pre-weighed her dose, but rather, eyeballed it, and I think she got between 2.5 – 3 grams of dried mushrooms, in tea. I'm pretty experienced with psychedelics – not an expert by any means, but I've had my fair share of intense experiences, both good and bad.
The effects took about 15 minutes to come up, and I was surprised by how strongly they came on. I had my usual moment of “oh, I'd forgotten exactly what this was like,” which seems to happen every time I rip. The forest was hot, buggy, and seemed unusually “busy,” in a way that I didn't feel comfortable with, so we moved into a large field, ringed by trees. At this point, there were no insights to speak of: I felt amazingly happy, while also feeling the usual come-up anxiety. Much lighter body-load than I've gotten when eating the mushrooms raw. That was a plus.
The field of flowers, as the sun was setting, was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen (my sitter corroborated that it was gorgeous, even to those not on drugs, and my tripping buddy cried a lot, repeatedly saying “I feel so overwhelmed that I can't take it but I'm so okay with this,”). We sat down and that's where things started to get weird for me. I felt like I was on-edge in some kind of way: I honestly couldn't tell if I was tripping too hard and was feeling overwhelmed, or if I hadn't taken enough and was still too tied up in my ego to really let go. The environment kept changing from comforting and beautiful to weirdly alien and a little bit unpleasant. I felt like I was quickly cycling through feelings of never wanting to do this again, and like I was starting to have a bad trip, and feelings of happiness and appreciation for the world. I've had difficult trips before, but this felt a little bit different. There were moments where I genuinely couldn't tell how hard I was tripping, like in addition to alternating feelings of joy and fear, there were feelings of being almost too sober, and then of feeling really far out there. I did the usual mantras of “this is just a drug, you'll make it back okay,” and at no point did I feel like I was loosing it. Normally I'm very good at knowing exactly how far from consensus reality (or consensus blindness, take your pick) I am, but this time, I wasn't sure.
There was one moment that stands out to me: after some indeterminate length of time trying to fight with the experience (or at least, I think that's what I was doing), I realized I should probably just let go, and so I lay down, and looked into the sky. Patterns, like those I see in DMT-space began to appear, and I had a moment of feeling like:
“Ah, this is what all the people in the Marsh Chapel Expirament experienced,” which I recognized from other psychedelic moments, and I felt myself sort of drain away? I'm not sure exactly what was happening: it felt simultaniously very profound, like I was seeing the gatway to Heaven, and was willing to let go and travel up into the swirling color but also incredibly...normal?
I can't remember most of this section of the experience, honestly. I feel like something amazing happened, but also like I have no idea what. All I really remember is quietly lying on my back. Almost bland compared to the psychological fireworks I was experiencing right before. I think that's one of the things I'm having throuble integrating still. I'm not sure exaclty what happened. There wasn't the feeling to absolute “knowing” that's come with my other experiences. The entire thing was very...uncertain.
I lay there for a while, watching the tracers the bees left meld into the kalaidascope in the sky (it was a colorless kaleidoscope – like exquisitely rendered, but completely transparent crystal against the blue of the sky) for some time, before my tripping buddy's incessant talking dragged me out of it (everything she saw was amazing, and as a profoundly extroverted person, she monologues the whole way through).
The comedown was uneventful. Very pleasant, but I was left with a deep feelings of uncertainty: was that a positive experience? Did I experience it “right?” Was it a good idea? I know intellectually there's no “wrong” way to do the mushrooms, and there's much work to be done integrating, but the uncertainty remains.
Blessings
~ND
Mindset: Nervous, but excited. Last trip had been intense and difficult, but ultimately productive.
Setting: Wandering through the woods and fields on a very nice Spring afternoon.
Dose: 2g, cubensis, prepared in chamomile tea.
Worth Noting: I have microdosed a LOT of mushrooms over the last five months. Probably had close to 50/60 days wherein I took 0.07 – 0.1 grams of mushrooms. I feel the expanded consciousness almost all the time now. My perspective seems to have changed in a deep way (a way that is very conducive to doing science and math, btw, which is cool), and I wonder if that contributed to the oddness of this experience.
Report:
It's only been 24 hours since I came down, and so this is mostly to help myself hold onto the experience, and begin to interate it into something meaningful. Currently, I'm not sure what to make of it, which I know is part of the integration experience, but I cannot help but feel a little bit...confused?
The plan was for me to trip with a sober sitter and another friend, who was having her first ever psychedelic experiences (she'd smoked weed twice before, and consumed alcohol, but was otherwise almost completely new to altered states of consciousness, although she was a spiritual person). We made the tea (she hadn't pre-weighed her dose, but rather, eyeballed it, and I think she got between 2.5 – 3 grams of dried mushrooms, in tea. I'm pretty experienced with psychedelics – not an expert by any means, but I've had my fair share of intense experiences, both good and bad.
The effects took about 15 minutes to come up, and I was surprised by how strongly they came on. I had my usual moment of “oh, I'd forgotten exactly what this was like,” which seems to happen every time I rip. The forest was hot, buggy, and seemed unusually “busy,” in a way that I didn't feel comfortable with, so we moved into a large field, ringed by trees. At this point, there were no insights to speak of: I felt amazingly happy, while also feeling the usual come-up anxiety. Much lighter body-load than I've gotten when eating the mushrooms raw. That was a plus.
The field of flowers, as the sun was setting, was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen (my sitter corroborated that it was gorgeous, even to those not on drugs, and my tripping buddy cried a lot, repeatedly saying “I feel so overwhelmed that I can't take it but I'm so okay with this,”). We sat down and that's where things started to get weird for me. I felt like I was on-edge in some kind of way: I honestly couldn't tell if I was tripping too hard and was feeling overwhelmed, or if I hadn't taken enough and was still too tied up in my ego to really let go. The environment kept changing from comforting and beautiful to weirdly alien and a little bit unpleasant. I felt like I was quickly cycling through feelings of never wanting to do this again, and like I was starting to have a bad trip, and feelings of happiness and appreciation for the world. I've had difficult trips before, but this felt a little bit different. There were moments where I genuinely couldn't tell how hard I was tripping, like in addition to alternating feelings of joy and fear, there were feelings of being almost too sober, and then of feeling really far out there. I did the usual mantras of “this is just a drug, you'll make it back okay,” and at no point did I feel like I was loosing it. Normally I'm very good at knowing exactly how far from consensus reality (or consensus blindness, take your pick) I am, but this time, I wasn't sure.
There was one moment that stands out to me: after some indeterminate length of time trying to fight with the experience (or at least, I think that's what I was doing), I realized I should probably just let go, and so I lay down, and looked into the sky. Patterns, like those I see in DMT-space began to appear, and I had a moment of feeling like:
“Ah, this is what all the people in the Marsh Chapel Expirament experienced,” which I recognized from other psychedelic moments, and I felt myself sort of drain away? I'm not sure exactly what was happening: it felt simultaniously very profound, like I was seeing the gatway to Heaven, and was willing to let go and travel up into the swirling color but also incredibly...normal?
I can't remember most of this section of the experience, honestly. I feel like something amazing happened, but also like I have no idea what. All I really remember is quietly lying on my back. Almost bland compared to the psychological fireworks I was experiencing right before. I think that's one of the things I'm having throuble integrating still. I'm not sure exaclty what happened. There wasn't the feeling to absolute “knowing” that's come with my other experiences. The entire thing was very...uncertain.
I lay there for a while, watching the tracers the bees left meld into the kalaidascope in the sky (it was a colorless kaleidoscope – like exquisitely rendered, but completely transparent crystal against the blue of the sky) for some time, before my tripping buddy's incessant talking dragged me out of it (everything she saw was amazing, and as a profoundly extroverted person, she monologues the whole way through).
The comedown was uneventful. Very pleasant, but I was left with a deep feelings of uncertainty: was that a positive experience? Did I experience it “right?” Was it a good idea? I know intellectually there's no “wrong” way to do the mushrooms, and there's much work to be done integrating, but the uncertainty remains.
Blessings
~ND
