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dmt and relationships

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inner

Rising Star
Ever since I went there I can't stop thinking about it. The ideas/questions which arose from the experience consumes me so much that my relationship with my partner is being taken for granted. I am a very kind, loving, and thoughtful human, but I find that my mind has changed focus since I traveled deep within. This type of exploration has been life changing and lately I have found it difficult to focus on the feelings of others around me including my amazing boyfriend. He has no experience with this type of awareness and thinks I need to decide if I am to chose him and us or go off into "my own little world" so he says. I have no support and have found that working with this molecule can present great challenges in this material world once we come back. I wonder if any of the Nexus community have dealt with this and if they have any suggestions on balancing both worlds? The "real" and that of "hyperspace".
 
Feel like this is worth posting.

You do have to find a balance. For one thing, the hyperspace world just doesn't apply here. It can seem like it does, and in light doses it will just increase awareness, but in all reality it does not directly interact with this reality.

What happened (how long have you been doing spice?) is you just got a shock. Culture, reality shock. You just need to come down, and realize that nothing has CHANGED from before you did spice, it's just you've seen it from a very odd angle. You can incorporate your boyfriend in everything, however. Ask yourself if it is truly the spice that is making you feel disconnected with him... or if it is just him.

DMT should show you connections, not break any. If he doesn't understand it, don't try to convince him, don't argue with him, don't say he doesn't understand, just say it's a very important awakening. There is thousands, hundreds of thousands of people that do DMT. It is not "your own little world"
 
Integration and balance is the hardest part. And in many ways is everything. I've found it can be very distracting trying to come to terms with what you are shown inside the journeys. Over the long run I think it has helped me be a better person . I believe it has helped me see what is truly important. Dead end life paths seem so clear to me now. These intense experiences give me the strength to carry on this terrestrial life with all its frustrations, sadness and miseries. Hold the intense love you feel close to you, draw on it in your waking life.

It gives me great comfort to know this big secret we've found. It has taught me compassion to those who may not know or understand that a nirvana place of love truly exists. That you can tap into something truly divine in nature. You can learn to draw strength from this in your life. This stuff is so "off the charts" that its o.k. for people close to me not to understand. I have learned to be o.k. with that. The insights and connections gained seem to be in line with helping other people. Keep your balance seek knowledge. breathe love
 
I have perceived a stigma from within my peer group that psychedelic exploration is antisocial, in that the experiences cannot be easily communicated or shared. There could be a presumption of selfishness or egotism that would then color even unrelated interactions. Heck, the same concerns could be raised about participating on internet forums. However, I would venture to suggest that the two worlds are in fact one and the same, comprising the universe of your own personal experience, and as such it may not be in your best interest, or even within your capacity, to deliberately abandon one or the other. But perhaps you can address the symptoms of the effects on those around you, and work that much more to recognize their needs and to respond with a little extra. If your dharma is a dealbreaker for your mate, perhaps it's for the best that this is being communicated now rather than later.
 
WOW thanks so much for all your love and support! I don't blame the spice for what it has shown me. I view it as something very sacred. It calls out once and awhile, but it has been months since my last visit. I agree with your comment IJESUSCHRIST on the experience showing connection between us all and the everything for lack of a better word. I always experience a sense of wholeness, reassurance and love after I return from these deep trips. The travels are challenging, but that is not what concerns me, its way that everyday reality has lost its disguise. So maybe I am just experiencing a bit of culture shock?
FELNIK I also think I have become a better person and certain paths through life have come into focus. On the other side of the coin I think this awareness is hard for me to integrate. It makes me a bit insecure of what my peers may think of my explorations and the new perspective I have which challenges their views on society. I am sort of forced to keep my mouth shut so I don't embarrass myself and or make them feel like I am nuts. I have always been on the fringe and these experiences make most of what everyone around me values look silly and misguided. This is the part of life that makes me feel disconnected from others including my boyfriend. I guess I need to lay of the deep philosophical trip and ground myself into "culture" a bit more, stop being so judgmental and start showing more compassion for all. I also need to be more proactive in reminding my better half the immense love I have for him. Basically I feel that I need not make a choice between this or that when I can have both with a little work/communication and support. Thanks again for your kind words.
 
Unfortunately I have had a horrible experience of this sort. It involved money and one of my best friends. One of my friends owed me $20 from November. Normally, I don't care about when they pay me back because I don't like bringing money issues into friendships (it's just a baaad thing to do, imo) but I really needed the money now, because I plan on buying some MHRB before it becomes illegal (in all probability) and I am only $20 away from affording a kilo of MHRB. So about a week ago I texted her a very nice text just saying that it would be nice if she was able to pay me back soon because I am going to need the money in the near future. She eventually asked what I needed the money for, and I, not being one to lie (and her knowing about me wanting to extract DMT, and actually wanting to use it with me as well) told her it was to buy the products to extract DMT because I was worried it would be hard to find the plant material in the future.

So a day later, she texts me during class and does a complete 180. Apparently someone brainwashed her with a bunch of false information because she said that DMT can send you to the hospital, DMT trips can last days, and extracting DMT is about as safe as making meth. She said she wasn't going to give me money if I was going to use it for this. Apparently one of her friend's brothers ended up in the hospital a week before that from using DMT :/ (i would like to know the circumstances behind that)

So I told her as much information as I could, I dispelled all the misinformation. I even took hours to write a 4 page "essay" that proved her concerns wrong (with links & sources), showed the general safety of DMT (and other entheogens) and why I wanted to take DMT. She didn't listen. It's really hard to fight people's ignorance and fear with straight facts :(

Unfortunately this argument was more about selfishness than DMT as it turns out. She accused me of being selfish. And now I think I know why too (she never actually said why). It's because I kept talking about how safe DMT was and all the benefits I expected (I haven't actually done any yet :3) and that her fears were unfounded. Instead, I should have dropped it, because no matter how much I can back up the safety of DMT she still has an emotional fear of it that stems from the friend she talked to that said it was dangerous and said his brother went to the hospital. And it would still hurt and made her worry about my DMT use, even though I proved it's safety (she even acknowledged that I could prove her ignorance about DMT wrong). Unfortunately I found this out through a long time thinking about this situation and I didn't react the way I should have. Instead I told her I thought she was being ignorant for refusing to read and listen to the studies and facts about DMT and that she was being selfish by trying to withhold my money and control my decisions about a substance I wanted to put in my body that she barely knew anything about.

The money also played a big role. I absolutely HATE HATE HATE getting money involved with anything involving friends, but I'm a senior in highschool and dirt poor and I was very very nervous that MHRB would be pulled from the market and illegalized soon so that I would never have the chance to try DMT.

I regret some of the stuff that I said, even though I know everything I said was legit and true it just wasn't worth it. What I learned from this is not to try to defend DMT and your way of life TOO much. Although DMT may be a great substance, it's definetely not worthing getting into a huge argument with friends and potentially losing them :( . In retrospect I should have just dropped the whole thing instead of vehemently backing my position. I never knew how seriously she was concerned about DMT and me "ending up in a ditch" despite all the facts and safety information I sent her. She is just really emotional and doesn't want to see me getting hurt.
 
Wonderlust - I once attempted to explain the smell of naptha in my room to my mother @ the age of 19. One thing lead to another, and eventually the truth came out about a DMT extraction.

There was no amount of education that would have swung her another way on the subject, I was to drain everything and forget about the substance forever. My mother was a hippy and smokes marijuana to this day, still... she equates it with meth.

Integration of my very first trip took years for me to accomplish. I finally got it, and it ended up being a fear of fear that I was to overcome. I am glad to say all of my panic attacks and anxiety related to the issue have subsided & I'm much more strong in the subject affected.

I will say this: for me atleast, I cannot comprehend the DMT realms and reality at the same time. It's not that they are not the same, it is that society doesn't work with DMT's experiences. What I mean by this, is if I lived by what I have learned from DMT & psychadelics, I would be labelled insane. I would be spouting words out which would not correlate to the connections of others with me. What I had to deal with was how to immerse myself in society, be accepted by society, yet still be able to comprehend the realms far above us, the operations of sorts, the gears behind the clock.

It is odd how they are so seperate, so connected, so deep at the same time. I could never tell my boss at work the knowledge I have gained from a DMT trip, nor could I explain to the DMT gods how important my boss is at work. They are just two seperate worlds, complete dependant on different rules. Fortunately, their possibility for co-existance and synergistic company may happen in the far future... When we accept what & who we are,

In the mean time, try to realize that you must keep the reality you once knew, and the new reality as well. They may have destructive interference now, but as time goes on you will slowly have constructivity.

:)
 
IJESUSCHRIST
Well stated friend! Balance may be a useful mantra for me and my future work... Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on the matter of living with the dual reality predicament I have been unsuccessfully managing.
 
Your post really resonated with me, inner - because for me, this is the most challenging aspect of my relationship with the molecule. How does one see (and actually merge with) that which is truly inexpressible, and then not become preoccupied to the point of distraction afterwards? How does one reconcile a direct, first-hand experience of the impossible with the banality of daily routine? How do I access this state with regularity and not lose my goddamned marbles?

Where to put this and how to incorporate having had the experience into one's life is the dilemma we, all of us, face. It's the price of admission, I suppose - and like anyone graced with a first-hand glimpse of (what feels, at least, like) divinity, there's a certain amount of alienation that can and often follows.

I know all too well that feeling that my brain has been set on fire - but as priviliged as I feel for having discovered it (and I do), the experience for me will never come without a price. It's just one of a whole bunch of contradictions that this experience of overwhelming oneness can also serve to isolate. I've said it before and I'll say it again: this shit is truly bonkers.

If it's making you uncomfortable or interfering with life in any way, you can always take a break for awhile. You can't unsee the things you've seen (nor would you probably want to), but the alienation you've described will dissipate with distance.
 
If a relationship with something not of this world begins to negatively affect your relationships with things of this world, then perhaps it's time to take a step back and focus on what is of THIS world. Because, after all, if your real world relationships go down in flames then everything you may have learned from your DMT experiences is irrelevant.

If you become so absorbed in DMT that you lose interest in everything else then you have a problem you need to deal with. You must integrate your experiences with the real world. DMT is a tool, or perhaps a medicine, not to be over used, not to be abused.

One of the main points of all ancient religions (and modern ones for that matter), when you dig through all the dogma and man made bullshit, is balance. Balance is the key to a good life. This is meaning behind the yin and the yang, this is the meaning behind the Jewish six pointed star. Balance. Practice balance and self control and discipline, especially with something as powerful as dimethyltryptamine, and you will get all the benefits and none of the problems.
 
I would never think of abusing this substance or any other substance just to make that clear. My intentions if any are pure. Its like Uncle Knucles statement about experiencing the "divine". It shook me big time!!! I couldn't stop thinking about it and I am certain a day doesn't pass without it creeping into my thoughts. I also like the idea of my dilemma being the price of admission. That works for me. Have a look and well you will never be the same metaphorically. I will continue going along with the day to day like most people and try and take comfort in knowing the "secret" which many will never come to experience let alone understand.
 
This thing that we've found - it's an extraordinary privilige so few will ever know. It's a pipeline to god, a dissolving into the all that is, a bottomless mindfucking mystery. That's an awful lot to bring back and reconcile as we walk through our daily McLives.

I remember telling Antrocles after our first few shared adventures that I felt exactly like Richard Dreyfus in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, making mountains out of mashed potatos while his loved ones wept with pity. How do you share with someone else what you can't even fathom yourself? We're born alone, we die alone... then I'll bet we're anything but.
 
My girlfriend thought I was a good person before I found DMT and she thinks I am a good person after having found DMT. I am lucky though, despite being completely straight and pure, she is incredibly astute and insightful. She understands what I am talking about even though she has not been there. We can talk about my experiences and it's of interest to me to get her interpretation.

I don't smoke a lot and lately not alone. I'll get a good friend over and tell her that we're doing 'research'. If the phones are disconnected, she knows what I am doing. She is very careful not to disturb me if I am planning to take a journey. She respects that I have personal things to do.

Sometimes she just thinks I am being a little eccentric, but we talk about everything. She understands that the minute we start hiding things from each other is the minute things start going wrong.

DMT has made me get my shit together. I keep myself very busy at work and in my life so that I don't have to 'be taught a lesson' - I know that sounds weird, but if I start bullshitting other people, then I am bullshitting myself and if I smoke DMT, I have no doubt it will teach me a lesson about that.

In that weird way it has made me a better and a more productive person. I am more considerate towards my fellow man and less judgmental.

I am lucky that I have such a loving and understanding GF. I can also see how it could be very difficult for other people's partners to accept it. I do have to be careful not to become obsessed with it, at the end of the day we have a responsibility to the people around us, the people who love and care for us as we do them.

Integrating can be difficult, but that's what we have the Nexus for. Here we get to share our experiences, this is where we get our consensus.
 
inner said:
Ever since I went there I can't stop thinking about it. The ideas/questions which arose from the experience consumes me so much that my relationship with my partner is being taken for granted. I am a very kind, loving, and thoughtful human, but I find that my mind has changed focus since I traveled deep within. This type of exploration has been life changing and lately I have found it difficult to focus on the feelings of others around me including my amazing boyfriend. He has no experience with this type of awareness and thinks I need to decide if I am to chose him and us or go off into "my own little world" so he says. I have no support and have found that working with this molecule can present great challenges in this material world once we come back. I wonder if any of the Nexus community have dealt with this and if they have any suggestions on balancing both worlds? The "real" and that of "hyperspace".
Click to expand...

Hi inner, this is a tough situation you have here.

One thing I can say is that you should give it time to integrate into your everyday living, when I first started working with the molecule, thats all I could think about, and it started causing a few problems with my wife. I was never asked to choose between the molecule and my relationship, and after a while she noticed that its somthing I have to go through, she also noticed it changed me for better.

Does your BF maybe feel some jelousy towards the molecule, that maybe you are spending all this time with it and he's missing out on somthing, has he noticed any change in you? for the better? if so, then he should have no reason to ask you to choose.
 
-Gammagore
I have gone through many changes since me and my BF have been dating and living together. I stopped drinking alcohol two years back which caused an emotional floodgate to open up exposing many of my insecurities and childhood problems which I manage to suppress. This was a very difficult time for me and my relationship, but my BF and therapist were there to help me sort out and deal with issues that arose. I do think there is a general misunderstanding between me and my BF. I haven't posed the question, but I think he may be afraid of what I have experienced. He has made certain that he doesn't want to be around when I go deep within and I have never asked why. Maybe I need to ask if he could sit with me next time I feel it calling?
Jealousy? Never thought of that. Definitely something to think about. I haven't spent much time in Hyperspace and will only go when it calls. Since this is the case I feel time spent isn't an issue. He has noticed a change in my behavior and personality, but most of it happened after I had stopped drinking. The change that has happened since I made contact has been one of isolation and research into what I had experienced. Reading tons of books and spending time exploring myself. Meditation, walks in the forest etc... I would love to share these experiences with him, but he is more into watching TV and staying home than going out in nature and looking inside himself. After writing and reading everyones replies I think I have a better understanding of how to balance/integrate my experience and to not expect a deep understanding of what it is from my BF. We have our differences and I would have it any other way. We will work as hard as it takes to find common ground and I Know that coming to grips with the SECRET alone is hard, but wait I am not alone. I am part of a great community right here on Nexus. Thanks so much!!!
-Balance
 
I can get a dmt, but can get no relationship. I am an asocial, nonpartnership, introvertial, hypergenial nerd with the soul of poet. The worst combination ever/possible. The only difference between me and the ,archetypal´ high school nerd, so to say, :lol:, is, I don´t wear no glasses. Still craving for love because, You know, I can´t turn off my sexuality. That´s it, honestly nice to meet You!

P. S. I´m not really a partnership type.
 
Could it be that your bf is afraid you might be confronted with a lot of things from your past again? Maybe he doesn't want you to go through it again, and wants to protect you. (us men have a weird way of wanting to protect people :) ) I have a gf who is not really into this all, but I love the fact that she supports me in it. She knows how important it is. I would never expect her to try anything against her will, and i respect her way of thinking.
I think it would be wise to talk with your bf about it, i'm pretty sure you'll turn out fine.

Peace
 
Could it be that your bf is afraid you might be confronted with a lot of things from your past again? Maybe he doesn't want you to go through it again, and wants to protect you.
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That came to mind for me as well. I have a friend who also went through some hard stuff back when she was young. For now, she seems to have made peace with herself in a few ways. Recently she asked me for pot and I forced myself to refuse her. Pot is what triggered some bad happenings for her in the first place. The last thing I would ever do is mention the DMT in front of her.

Obviously I don't know your whole life situation so I can't draw conclusions where I'd like to. At first I thought your BF might be a little bit odd for not supporting you in your new found joy.

My uneducated guess would be that he doesn't want to take away DMT from your life if it seems to help you...But at the same time he's worried that it will negatively affect you.

I think it's important to note that while DMT is relatively safe it can still harm you mentally. You do seem to have your head screwed on properly though so I don't know.
 
inner said:
Maybe I need to ask if he could sit with me next time I feel it calling?
Click to expand...

yes, this might be a good turning point in him understanding that this is not another crack. It might be reasuring to him to see that you arent hurting yourself, I can say that once he sees the smile on your face he will question what happened behind closed eyes.

You should most deff sit down and talk to him about this, explain your reasons for wanting to do this.

Ive always said that there must be some sort of middle meeting point in a relationship, well its worked for me and my wife:)
 
Its funny, I feel like my fascination with ayahuasca and dmt is one of the things that made me and my ex become further apart, as she became worried about it, thinking I may get lost in another world. The more I explored hyperspace and ayahuasca, the less I felt I had in common with her (well there were other factors of course).

For a relationship to work the people involved must be fully supportive of each other, even if it is something they do not understand themselves. There must be trust that the other is doing what is right for them.

Best of luck, hope it works out.
 
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