DMT is No Joke

[heechawaem]

Yesterday I became a shiny new member here. Two days ago I succeeded in my first extraction, and two days ago I had my first breakthrough.

Success, success, success, but jeez... I had no idea. There's so much to process and yet I feel like the memory is but a hazy reflection of a faint shadow. The experience was definitively not pleasant but neither was it particularly terrible. "Machine elves" seems to be such an exceedingly apropos term; they were popping out of every crevice within this vast hyperbolic, hyperdimensional space; and I was in the center, feeling every quiver of their playful mocking.

Apparently, one minute in I even voiced, "this is bad" and I do have a blurred memory of wanting it to stop. And yet, almost more vividly I remember some faint internal voice that remained calm and unperturbed, "It's okay. There's nothing to worry about."

And as the vast folds of space collapsed in their tesseract way---as I became cogent enough to talk---I couldn't believe how I had forgotten such an experience before. I mean, I'm pretty sure I've never blasted until then, but that fact seems paltry and fake in the face of the obsidian sharpness of... whatever, wherever that was. How could I have ever forgotten?

Two days later and through the foggy reflections and muddled memories, I'm left with a sense of graditude and fear. The gratitude comes from a feeling that the experience was almost like walking through a house of mirrors. There was no room to hide myself and I didn't particularly like what I saw. I suspect that I have some self-loathing to work on.

The voice that assured, "It's okay, there is nothing to fear" pointed to the absurdity and lightness of it all. I'm grateful for the lesson. I'm afraid for reasons I can't articulate even to myself, and I'm excited and hopeful for future experiences.

It's a huge comfort knowing that such a knowledgeable and caring community such as the DMT Nexus exists. I hope to cross paths with some of you amazing people and share whatever value we can. There is so much information to absorb!

Anyway, this is a long-winded way of me poking my nose in and wanting to say hi.

Peace, love and smoalk moar!

 

[InAwe]

Welcome heechawaem,

I'm also struck by the absurdity of being unable to remember the experience. You would think that something so unbelievably earth shattering would be crystal clear in the memory.
I think the experience is just so far removed from our reality that the mind can't hold onto it for long. I'd like to be able to relax enough to observe and remember the flash, but I'm sure this would take considerable practice.

You'll find lots of friendly, experienced people here to communicate with.

Happy travels

 

[Yumi]

My first real breakthrough I do not remember at all, It was beyond intense, But yeah its interesting how some people don't remember some breakthroughs.

 

[heechawaem]

My first real breakthrough I do not remember at all, It was beyond intense, But yeah its interesting how some people don't remember some breakthroughs.

Yeah. This is so bizzare.

Is it common to feel at the time that you've been there before, whether or not it's your first blast or thousandth?

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

I have found that over time you will be able to pull more and more from your memory regarding these breakthrough events. In most cases your memory fades and gets dim as time passes away from the event, however, with DMT it appears that quite the opposite is the case.

After my first breakthrough, I couldn't really say much about it, human language does not exist for many of these concepts, so you will have to settle for "close enough"...

As I've re-lived this memory overs the years, and as I have applied better models, metaphors, and linguistic constructs to it, I have found that the near mental "blankness" that would occur when I would try to muster up a description of the event after it had first occured had been replaced over time with a plethora of deep and detailed events which could fairly easily be extrapolated into language, making access as memory that much easier.

--------

Miscellaneous related to describing the DMT breakthrough:

Metaphorically, DMT is like an intellectual black hole in that once one knows about it, it is very hard for others to understand what one is talking about. One cannot be heard. The more one is able to articulate what it is, the less others are able to understand. This is why I think people who attain enlightenment, if we may for a moment comap these two, are silent. They are silent because we cannot understand them. Why the phenomenon of tryptamine ecstasy has not been looked at by scientists, thrill seekers, or anyone else, I am not sure, but I recommend it to your attention.

~ Terence McKenna, The Archaic Revival: Speculations on Psychedelics, Mushrooms, the Amazon,
Virtual Reality, UFO’s, Evolution, Shamanism, the Rebirth of the Goddess, & the End of History. (1991).

I have met with entities from other dimensions, and it has not impelled me to take a strong position. I’ve paid very close attention when these experiences were happening to me, and there always seems to be loose ends that argue against whatever hypotheses seems currently most attractive, and though Jacques didn’t mention it today I recall in his book The Invisible College he stressed the absurdity that seems to attend the contact experience. That if the contactee will truly tell the unvarnished truth then there will be elements in the story which will make the contactee look like a moron, in other words, the invalidation of the experience is an inimical part of its structure, almost as though the entities were saying, well you may tell this story if you wish, but if you’ll tell it truthfully you’ll be taken for a fool. Well there’s nothing wrong with being taken for a fool except that it does peal the phenomenon rather nicely away from the very sober ladies and gentleman who are making there careers in some branch of science. They are not interested in investigating the kinky, the anecdotal, the possibly pathological. -terence mckenna

-eg

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

My first real breakthrough I do not remember at all, It was beyond intense, But yeah its interesting how some people don't remember some breakthroughs.

Yeah. This is so bizzare.

Is it common to feel at the time that you've been there before, whether or not it's your first blast or thousandth?

Every breakthrough I get this intense feeling of dejavu, the space, while alien and nothing like what you would be used to in physical life, seems familiar, it feels like I have been there many times before, it's always very clear where I am, and it's always clear that have been there enough times where there's almost a nostalgia like feeling associated with this area...

Though this is just my experience...

-eg

 

[InAwe]

My first real breakthrough I do not remember at all, It was beyond intense, But yeah its interesting how some people don't remember some breakthroughs.

Yeah. This is so bizzare.

Is it common to feel at the time that you've been there before, whether or not it's your first blast or thousandth?

Every breakthrough I get this intense feeling of dejavu, the space, while alien and nothing like what you would be used to in physical life, seems familiar, it feels like I have been there many times before, it's always very clear where I am, and it's always clear that have been there enough times where there's almost a nostalgia like feeling associated with this area...

Though this is just my experience...

-eg

Yes, I'll second that. There is a feeling of familiarity for me too. Something like "oh yeah, now I remember, I've been here before and I don't have to have all the preflight anxiety." Though it is very strange to feel familiarity in that space, it is there for me every time.

 

[Yumi]

The dose that lead me up to my breakthrough was a very very high one, So when the actual breakthrough came on I was begging for it stop, I clearly was not ready, I think that may be the reason why I don't remember any of it, Basically everything just went pitch black, Something let me know that, I didn't quite pass the test, but everything would be alright, The comedown was absolutely mind bending, I purged numerous times.

 

[Heavin]

My first real breakthrough I do not remember at all, It was beyond intense, But yeah its interesting how some people don't remember some breakthroughs.

Yeah. This is so bizzare.

Is it common to feel at the time that you've been there before, whether or not it's your first blast or thousandth?

I've always found these spaces we enter into, no matter how absurdly foreign, to feel strikingly familiar; every single time. I've also experienced a greater frequency of deja vu since my first experience. I've felt deja vu there as well. And everyone I know personally who is experienced says the same. In fact, it's often the first thing described upon returning, the familiarity; myself included. I believe this is due to our "souls" having spent more time there than here throughout eternity. Congratulations on your success. There is a lot more to come.

 

[Acharya]

Welcome, heechawaem! I'm also new here

The more one is able to articulate what it is, the less others are able to understand. This is why I think people who attain enlightenment, if we may for a moment comap these two, are silent. They are silent because we cannot understand them.

~ Terence McKenna, The Archaic Revival: Speculations on Psychedelics, Mushrooms, the Amazon,
Virtual Reality, UFO’s, Evolution, Shamanism, the Rebirth of the Goddess, & the End of History. (1991).


Although SWIM has never had the experiences you are talking about, he is able to gather great understanding from all of your descriptions. He is consolidating personal knowledge and intuition with people's stories and the resulting ideas about existence are new ideas, greater than all before, but yet simple pieces of a The Puzzle that slide into place - be it an infinite puzzle.

In a way, this Forum is itself psychedelic - to the extent that current personal knowledge and understanding allows it.

SWIM has the feeling that once he goes through these experiences he will impart all the knowledge he can in great detail to his friends, to you.

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

The dose that lead me up to my breakthrough was a very very high one, So when the actual breakthrough came on I was begging for it stop, I clearly was not ready, I think that may be the reason why I don't remember any of it, Basically everything just went pitch black, Something let me know that, I didn't quite pass the test, but everything would be alright, The comedown was absolutely mind bending, I purged numerous times.

Interesting, what was the method of consumption that induced thus event?

I apologize in advance for how long this lost became, and for the redundancy of some of the information.

I have a report of my first breakthrough, this occured around 5 years ago, it was also my first experience with smoked DMT. Technically I overdosed, and while I don't believe I was ever in any real danger, it was a trying and fairly traumatic event. I had unwittingly induced something very similar to a "shamanic initiation", it was a personal apocalypse, an immediate crisis, I could have either emerged transformed, or been destroyed entirely.

(I've shared this exact report many times, and I apologize for the redundancy. )

*note: the dose range in this report is highly inflated, there is no reason to ever dose this high*

the first time I consumed N,N-dimethyltryptamine I smoked 200mgs of translucent yellow crystals of DMT free-base on top of a small amount of high-grade cannabis (about 0.35g cannabis). I consumed the entire contents of the smoking utensil in a single inhalation. I held my breath, in less than 5 seconds an intense rush began, first I felt more intoxicated than I had ever been, then, pure awe, "I don't believe it!" I kept repeating in my head, "this is impossible".... my surroundings began to quiver and slither apart, faster than anything I had ever seen before, everything began moving away from everything else in a mash of brilliant color and geometric form, with blinding speed and intensity, before fully shattering the "reality" in my visual and mental field...

It came on like a freight train, completely unstoppable, I remember thinking "oh fuck! Get this stuff out of me!" And frantically trying to exhale, keep in mind that I still had not had the chance to even count to 10, or even fully exhale. It was pure terror, I thought "now you have done it! You killed yourself!" After brief mourning at the life I had just departed from I began to pay attention to the present, I remember feeling like I was at the bottom of a foggy mountain with dirt roads, the clouds felt like a domed ceiling, everything was wet, misty, cloudy and rainy, I was overcome with an intense feeling of panic and deja-vu, I felt like a lost child, everything I knew about who I was or my life or earth seemed like a distant dream, like I dissolved out of existence, I knew that I had died, I knew that I was dead, and I was certain that I had been here before, the dejavu was as intense as the terror and awe and I was emotionally overwhelmed while confronting the event of my death.

Just like sand slipping through finger cracks I tried to hold onto this all as my entire identity as a human was dissolved, I remembered my name, the earth, my family, who I was, being a human, and life, but like grabbing at smoke, it was futile, everything slipped away and nearly faded entirely out of my memory, impossible to cling to all this, I had to let it go...
I kept thinking "what the fuck was life?"

...I could not tell if I was breathing or not, I would take air in, but couldn't feel it, I began taking in rapid, deep, panicked deep breaths, thinking that none of the oxygen was entering my system or reaching my lungs, then noticed a pain in my chest...

A giant mantis like being had its claws in my chest! It proceeded to tear open my chest and stomach removing all my organs and insides, I was about to go into shock when I saw a bright green light flash over my shoulder, it nearly hit me, it then became a beautiful fractal-geometric object, morphing and color changing, at times it was metallic at other times it was a beautiful jewel, and all the while to look into it was to view endless geometric fractal patterns, moving, morphing, and changing color.

The mantis then put this object in my torn up body, he began to make billions of these objects, each one unique and radiating beautiful colored light, and the mantoid filled my body with them, billions of them, becoming small as atoms to construct the new insides and organs of my mangled corpse, then I was sealed up and propelled into an orange light where I was resurrected, my conscious-being (soul) was becoming reunited with the physical world...

...then I felt as if I was being pushed head first through a thick gelatinous membrane, violent gesticulations of the membrane surrounding me were forcing me through this thing...I was being born!...

...slowly I began to recognize my surroundings, my face still covered in tears, I looked up and saw the branches of a tree in the yard all slither in sinister fashion in from all directions to take place and solidify as the tree in the distance, the world began to slither back into place, most things moved in an elegant liquid serpentine slithering motion, or like the dancing movements of a flame, I was deeply reminded of psilocybin.

As the world constructed itself back into the familiar, so did my conscious state and memory, I was still disoriented, and fairly traumatized, I thought I had been gone for millennia, "how long was I gone I asked?"....
"about 20 minutes" was the answer

...those who were there said in reality I curled up into a ball and began to cry for 20 minutes.
I was wondering why my face was wet, because it felt like I had actually just been through being born, I was still covered in tears and shaken, I felt like I had been "turned inside out", then that I had died, been dismembered, rebuilt, and resurrected, everything was in a state of complete restructuring, I was a entirely new person, truly reborn, seeing the world through new eyes...

The immense deep spiritual and psychological implications of this experience left me for ever transformed, reborn as a new person entirely, it was the single most meaningful thing that has ever happened to me, and changed me in many significant ways, all for the better.

( I was not looking for enlightenment, awakening, or answers, I was not looking for transformation, and I really did not expect much, I was simply curious...most people expect a good deal and have set goals or specific reasons for ingesting the compound, and while this is fine, it's entirely unnecessary. )

-eg

It was months after this event that I was referred by colleagues who I Had shared the story with to research "shamanic initiation"

...I do not claim to have gained any "powers" through this event, however, I did experience death, dismemberment, resurrection (involving objects being implanted), and re-birth. And as a result had been reborn a new person entirely.

Very little of a person's baggage can cross the barrier which one crosses when entering such an event, as a result your neurotic behaviors are shed, and an understanding of life and death is achieved which relieves one of any anxiety or fears regarding the matter, in my case my mild depression and anxiety had disappeared (and 5 years later have not returned) I was invigorated with a new love and enthusiasm for life. I stopped using all drugs and alcohol (except for the occasional entheogen), I abandoned all my negative or destructive behaviors, I removed all negative influences from my life, including people, and have been fully dedicated to my work, it's as if I actually was reborn an entirely new person, and everyone, including my own mother, had noticed these major changes.

Spiritually I feel changed as well, I have this "knowing" or "understanding" which is permanent, it's as if a locked section of my consciousness had had the doors blown completely off of it, ensuring full access to these new conscious "areas"

he Taoist sage and alchemist Wei Po Yang once said, "Worry is preposterous...we don't know enough to worry.

“It is of the first order of importance to remember this, that the shaman is more than merely a sick man, or a madman; he is a sick man who has healed himself, who is cured, and who must shamanize in order to remain cured.” -terence McKenna

-------

Shamanic initiation notes:

A shaman may be initiated via a serious illness, by being struck by lightning, or by a near-death experience (e.g. the shaman Black Elk), and there usually is a set of cultural imagery expected to be experienced during shamanic initiation regardless of method.
According to Mircea Eliade, such imagery often includes being transported to the spirit world and interacting with beings inhabiting it, meeting a spiritual guide, being devoured by some being and emerging transformed, and/or being "dismantled" and "reassembled" again, often with implanted amulets such as magical crystals. The imagery of initiation generally speaks of transformation and granting powers, and often entails themes of death and rebirth.

http://www.crystalinks.com/shamanism.html

The initiation is understood as a process of death and rebirth: “first, torture at the hands of demons or spirits, who play the role of masters of initiation; second, ritual death, experienced by the patient as a descent to hill or an ascent to heaven; third, resurrection to a new mode of being – the mode of ‘consecrated man,’ that is, a man who can personally communicate with gods, demons and spirits. For initiatory death is always followed by a resurrection; that is, in terms of psychopathological experience, the crisis is resolved and the sickness cured. The shaman’s integration of a new personality is in large part dependent on his being cured

-Written by Mircea Eliade, the entry for Shamanism in vol. 19 of Man, Myth and magic

The actual initiation can be equally excruciating. Most initiations in most cultures involve a symbolic death and rebirth: the candidate 'dies' to his old identity and is reborn to a new one. Shamanic initiates often experience this resurrection in gruesome ways. When the rai (spirits) make a shaman in western australia, they take him to their home.
'There they cut him up and hang up his insides...his body is dead, but his soul remains there, and on the order of the rai to look steadily at the part hanging up, he recognizes [his organs]. His body is put over a hot earth-oven, with magic cooking stones in it, and covered with paper-bark. The perspiration streams down. The rai replace his insides and close up the flesh. He is told that he can henceforth travel in the air like a bird or under the ground like a goanna...
....

Stories of disembowelment, dismemberment, and reassembly ( usually with magic stones or crystals inserted into the shamans frame) are best understood in this light.

-Hidden Wisdom: A Guide to the Western Inner Traditions
By Richard Smoley, Jay Kinney; page 161

*in reference to Siberian shamanic initiation*
Often these initiations by either another shaman or the spirits involved a traumatic visionary death and rebirth experience. Sometimes this included a journey to the underworld, meetings with deities and the would-be shaman’s body being dismembered and then put together again

https://www.anoniem.org/?http://www.newdawnmagazine.com/articles/secrets-of-siberian-shamanism

-eg

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

Welcome, heechawaem! I'm also new here

The more one is able to articulate what it is, the less others are able to understand. This is why I think people who attain enlightenment, if we may for a moment comap these two, are silent. They are silent because we cannot understand them.

~ Terence McKenna, The Archaic Revival: Speculations on Psychedelics, Mushrooms, the Amazon,
Virtual Reality, UFO’s, Evolution, Shamanism, the Rebirth of the Goddess, & the End of History. (1991).


Although SWIM has never had the experiences you are talking about, he is able to gather great understanding from all of your descriptions. He is consolidating personal knowledge and intuition with people's stories and the resulting ideas about existence are new ideas, greater than all before, but yet simple pieces of a The Puzzle that slide into place - be it an infinite puzzle.

In a way, this Forum is itself psychedelic - to the extent that current personal knowledge and understanding allows it.

SWIM has the feeling that once he goes through these experiences he will impart all the knowledge he can in great detail to his friends, to you.

Have you experience with these entheogens?

Or is it that you have yet to go through a "peak experience" with them?

-eg

 

[Acharya]

Have you experience with these entheogens?

Or is it that you have yet to go through a "peak experience" with them?

-eg

No, absolutely nothing.

SWIM has yet to go through a "peak experience", even a "small hill experience". Though, he will have many stories to tell in the near future. He only knows about Amanita M., edibles and dreams, he has no direct knowledge yet. But lately he's been asking a lot about changa, though.

 

[symbolic]

Welcome to the community and thank you for this post!
I am making my first small steps with the substance and posts like this help me put in perspective what to expect from a breakthrough. I know that no description can be accurate enough but it helps for sure.

Here is a question for you:
After having this experience, would you recommend just taking in as much as you can from a high dose to break through instantly (so your ego doesn't get a chance to fight it and you don't chicken out), or ease your way through, taking smaller tokes until you blast off?

 

[AlchemicalGnostic]

would you recommend just taking in as much as you can from a high dose to break through instantly (so your ego doesn't get a chance to fight it and you don't chicken out), or ease your way through, taking smaller tokes until you blast off?

For me I personally like taking my doses in one hit. Its always hard telling if you got enough hits when you ease into it and you always have to decide if you have enough or to take another hit and some times that last hit was too much. With one hit you hit it and forget it.