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DMT the anchor and the storm

TheRisingTied

TheRisingTied

Rising Star
Internal narrative (at peak) on extract from 3 grams of Syrian Rue seeds drunk an hour before vaping 40 mg of DMT freebase:

“””
What is this?
What’s going on?
What is happening here?
I took DMT. That means something…
What’s DMT?
What is DMT?
DMT, DMT… Doesn’t mean anything!
Who took DMT?
Who is here?
Who is watching?
It’s just me, alone.
It’s just me, alone.
There’s no one else?! You, is shifting, you can’t witness, there’s no one else to witness! What’s the point??
I’m here. I bear witness.
Why did I take DMT? Why did you take DMT?
How did you dare come here?
This feels brave… you’re brave!…?
What is this? Is this me now?!
Shhh Shh it’s DMT…
I took DMT. That means something… I just… don’t know right now what exactly…
I took DMT to heal. That means something.
Heal from what? What if you already healed? How would you know? If you set out to heal, didn’t you determine there would be something to heal?
I took DMT to heal. That means something.
I know I can be and feel myself be god but I didn’t come here for that this time, I came to be and better *my real name*.
Shhh shhhh shhhh… head down… heal.
“””

Earlier in the day (while sober), I had read about the Vectorial Hemisphericity Hypothesis by neuroscientist Micheal Persinger (from Wikipedia page on the “God helmet”): that the two brain hemispheres make different contributions to a single sense of self, but under certain conditions can appear as two separate 'selves'. I think having read that had something to do with this “conversation”.
This wasn’t all that happened during the trip of course, there were visuals and all manner of thought coursing through, during the peak and after when things calmed down more. I’m able to share this part at the moment.
 
Interesting. It seems to me that you had some sort of nihilistic or solipsistic perspective. I'd encourage you to learn metaphysics, epistemology (in case you haven't already) and to build yourself up to be more confident in what you're doing. Try to be the master of your mind and transcend the fear. After all, fear is all that keeps you away from realizing God.
 
I feel fascinated and blessed to have experienced it. Strangely proud to have read something, contemplated what it implied and then taken the idea for a test run on the next trip. Words cannot describe the thoughts and feelings in the background and the profundity that was “I took DMT. That means something.”
DMT stirred up the storm and DMT was the anchor that grounded everything in the form of that mantra. This was beautiful.

I also had/have been feeling like I need support from the community and to share with people who understand. Thank you for reading it and sharing your thoughts!
Nydex said:
Thanks for sharing this very interesting flow of thoughts pointing at some sort of dissolution of the self. How do you feel after this experience?
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schilling5 said:
Interesting. It seems to me that you had some sort of nihilistic or solipsistic perspective. I'd encourage you to learn metaphysics, epistemology (in case you haven't already) and to build yourself up to be more confident in what you're doing. Try to be the master of your mind and transcend the fear. After all, fear is all that keeps you away from realizing God.
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Wow what a great response: "... to build yourself up to be more confident in what you're doing", that's exactly it. Exactly the kind of thing that I needed validation for. I have been feeling fearful, like something profound is underway and wondering if my human self would be safe in the process of that happening. I will read on the topics you suggested. I love this community. Thank you so much!
 
CosmicRiver said:
did it feel like one of the two selves knew much more than the other?
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One of them felt more like the knowing observer that was there the whole time and the other like one who just arrived at the scene startled and trying to understand what is happening and why.
 
TheRisingTied said:
Wow what a great response: "... to build yourself up to be more confident in what you're doing", that's exactly it. Exactly the kind of thing that I needed validation for. I have been feeling fearful, like something profound is underway and wondering if my human self would be safe in the process of that happening. I will read on the topics you suggested. I love this community. Thank you so much!
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I'm happy I could offer value. I think it's important to keep in mind no matter how deep you go, nothing will happen to your human body as long as you take the necessary safety precaution before, during, and after administration. Relax, and if you need to, remind yourself that you've taken DMT and you'll be back to normal in no time. Remind yourself that you need the correct set and setting, and the intention of you taking it. Make sure you don't take it as an escape, but rather, like you said; to heal, or any other reason, like personal development and to become a better person. Using DMT as a tool to become better is not the same as taking a drug that leads you into bad habits, so don't beat yourself about it. If you do it correctly with the correct intention, you'll have great experiences.
 
schilling5 said:
I'm happy I could offer value. I think it's important to keep in mind no matter how deep you go, nothing will happen to your human body as long as you take the necessary safety precaution before, during, and after administration. Relax, and if you need to, remind yourself that you've taken DMT and you'll be back to normal in no time. Remind yourself that you need the correct set and setting, and the intention of you taking it. Make sure you don't take it as an escape, but rather, like you said; to heal, or any other reason, like personal development and to become a better person. Using DMT as a tool to become better is not the same as taking a drug that leads you into bad habits, so don't beat yourself about it. If you do it correctly with the correct intention, you'll have great experiences.
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You sure did. I see what you mean by not worrying about my human body and remembering I’ll be back to normal in no time. That is definitely an aspect of the fear. Permanent changes to brain chemistry and new behavior that may or may not be received well in the sober world. That was an old source of trauma that sent me on a long hiatus. Ridicule that came from sharing with the wrong people and internalizing that shame.
There is a new, deeper aspect to it, like some divine calling/work that my human needs to do which is unsettling in light of all the stories of “prophets” who had tough lives.
I’m slowly but surely letting go… It's divine work after all.
 
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