I'll be honest when I say I didn't read this thread or even finish your message. To make a comment on when you said you prefer the darkside, there is a reason for this. Life is meant to be a balance. Too many modern spiritualists focus on the light and they suppress their own darkness, something that is within us all and is just as real. It is only when you accept this darkness and balance the two that you can truly become balanced. Perhaps this is why you prefer it so much.