Drastic Shifts in Trips?

[I AM SWIM]

First I would like to say, Most of my experiences have involved in letting go, and just letting the impossible appear before me.

Just being.

Being one with the universe.


Those experiences have been joyous, and pure healing of love.


.....


Which leads me to my latest experiences.

My latest experience was of a similar nature, but near the end of the trip. THE END.
Bam. I died. I was alone.

Yet a flower of hope slowly blossomed into a feeling of comfort.
...


Anyway, my experience last night was cluttered. I took a Xanax, to free my stress from academia.
I decided to take a light 'non-breakthrough' dose -- and it instantly killed me.

I left of where my previous trip left of.

THE END.


It instantly put me in that state of loneliness. I had to call it a night and just sleep.

Could this have been a result from combining spice with a benzo? IDK.


Has anyone experienced this before? I feel like it's trying to tell me something, perhaps that I need to take a break from DMT.

I guess I need to hang up the phone..momentarily.

I just hope to experience the beauty again.


Thanks for reading, I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest.

 

[Kookaburra]

How often have "you" taken Xanax before a DMT trip? SWIM tried the combo early on in an effort to ease the pre-launch jitters, but the combination didn't seem too good.

Love the username, btw.

 

[Felnik]

Might be good to take some time off from spice for a while
Work on cultivating good positive energy . There is definite evolution
To journeying over time . I think the journeys get better

 

[I AM SWIM]

How often have "you" taken Xanax before a DMT trip? SWIM tried the combo early on in an effort to ease the pre-launch jitters, but the combination didn't seem too good.

Love the username, btw.

No, this was my first time taking xanax before DMT. But I got a very similar feeling near the end of a previous trip without xanax.

Thanks, paradoxes FTW.

Might be good to take some time off from spice for a while
Work on cultivating good positive energy . There is definite evolution
To journeying over time . I think the journeys get better

That's what I feel like I need to do, and will do.
I think I'll take a break for a month, and go back and see how it goes.

But this stuff is great,

I finally feel like I have patched a void in myself. I guess the feeling of being alone in the void was necessary for me to patch myself up.

Now I must study for finals.

Thanks for the replies.

Peace Love and Light.

 

[stevowitz]

try committing to 10 mins of meditation in a nice quiet area before smoking...sometime u may not even smoke, let your "inner self" tell you.

Learn to observe when your spirit is trying to communicate with your physical person. Sometimes getting "denied" is just a matter of not letting your spirit body get prepared(which can take a while).

 

[corpus callosum]

I think benzos are good for relieving stress such as you describe, relating to the pressures of academia but these stresses even if fairly trivial are still enough to have a bearing on your mindset which only becomes apparent when you are into the trip itself.

If you are in the right frame of mind for a session without recourse to benzos to 'cover-up' some mental disquiet, taking a small dose (such as diazepam 4mg) can really allow you to really get into the trip and push yourself further and further, just because it feels so smooth and natural.I have found myself loading bowl after bowl of caapi x11 : DMT in a 1:1 ratio, with a couple of decent blasts of FB for good measure when in a fine headspace augmented with this dose of valium..Interestingly this was one of the few times I really got into blasting off again and again whilst keeping my eyes open, rejoicing in the dissolution and extreme fractalized disintegration of my surroundings.Usually I blast off then lie back with eyes closed and enjoy the ensuing mayhem in my own inner space.

 

[I AM SWIM]

Well, oddly enough. I had a dream last night, and in this dream all was fine and dandy.

Until 'reality' (dream-reality) started to breakdown in some psychedelic form.

Then I got that feeling again. I'm not sure what this is trying to tell me. Earlier that day, I did have second-thoughts about whether or not I should vape up again or not.

IDK. It made me feel alone, helpless, etc.

I felt abandoned.
Then I woke up. Still feeling the lingering effects of the dream.


Anyway, it was interesting none-the-less.

 

[Swarupa]

Most of my experiences have involved in letting go, and just letting the impossible appear before me.

Just being.

Being one with the universe.

If 'letting go' in your previous trips brought you to this beautiful state, then maybe feeling alone, helpless etc in the recent trips are just teaching you to let go on a deeper level than you had previously done before... i'm not saying smoke more spice, just saying really let go, really imbibe what your previous trips have taught you, don't immediately go searching for repeat experiences.

If your first few trips teach you to let go, then when something undesirable turns up in your recent trips, if you then cling to it & make a huge noise about it, have you learned much from the first trips telling you to let go & just Be?

 

[I AM SWIM]

Most of my experiences have involved in letting go, and just letting the impossible appear before me.

Just being.

Being one with the universe.

If 'letting go' in your previous trips brought you to this beautiful state, then maybe feeling alone, helpless etc in the recent trips are just teaching you to let go on a deeper level than you had previously done before... i'm not saying smoke more spice, just saying really let go, really imbibe what your previous trips have taught you, don't immediately go searching for repeat experiences.

If your first few trips teach you to let go, then when something undesirable turns up in your recent trips, if you then cling to it & make a huge noise about it, have you learned much from the first trips telling you to let go & just Be?

Well the thing is,

this feeling is in-escapable.

It's not really a matter of letting go, it's being forced upon me, and there is nothing I can do about it.

It feels like being unplugged from the matrix.

I don't know how to explain lol, but maybe your right.

It's not that I'm clinging, it's just that this feeling is very null.

It's very..weird. and I would prefer to avoid it at all costs, but if it's something I must experience, then so be it.

I don't know.

 

[I AM SWIM]

Either way, I will do it again, as soon as the clock strikes midnight and the year is 2011.

 

[macc]

There is debate of what you're actually seeing while on a DMT trip. You might of had a bad trip (your lonlyness) and it made such an impression on you that everytime you do DMT you're only thinking of death and lonlyness. So what you're seeing could very well be your own thoughts.

I can relate to this because I had a really extreme (not that they all aren't) trip w/ the freebase dmt not to long ago. I simply took in more then I thought and I had a breakthrough instantly. It hit me so hard and fast that I just closed my eyes. I slowed down time to the point where time didn't exist. I to felt alone, but not lonely. I stayed in this "bubble" of time for who knows how long. Eventually I opened up my eyes and I was still at the peak of my breakthrough. I had totally forgotten that I was even on DMT because of how long I was in my "Moment" where time didn't exist.

Now everytime I smoke DMT I hesitate of how much I should take in because of how intense my one breakthrough was. I always think about that one time each time I sit down with friends for a session.

The impact of DMT can be immense and does a number on your mind. I do agree that a break is a good thing for you. I took about a 3 week break myself and it did me wonders. Gives me time to "reset" my mind a bit. DMT is no joke. Everytime you do it, it's all or nothing. There's no DMT buzz. So you have to mentally be prepared to open your mind to the endless possibilities that await you.

An idea/thought can be a small thing to the naked eye. Well in DMT world a thought can be an eternity.