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infinitynlove

infinitynlove

Mushroom Explorer
Hello world!

I recently found DMT through Joe Rogan's YouTube video and thought, this stuff sounds amazing, it looks like it would really compliment my spiritual side (meditation)

So I thought I would like to try it! much research has been done and I am ready to do my first tek... so I thought I would create an account on here and say hi and give a bit more info about myself ...

I am from western Europe, about 20 years ago I started experimenting with drugs, I started smoking weed then dropping acid like smarties and then finally speed (amp sulphate not meth)... I was an atheist at the time and going through some heavy family stuff (19 years of age then), I really got into speed and dropping acid at the same time, clubbing on both was amazing and I soon found myself hooked to the speed and taking at its peek 1/4 ounce bombs twice daily! yes my tolerance was that high!

This went on for 3 years, until I ended up with total amphetamine psychosis! when I say total I mean even when not high for a few days, I mean every street sign, every voice, every written word pointed to me or was about me all with a malevolent undertone !

I started hearing voices in my head, sometimes malicious , but just voices like words or sentences that where more an echo of my subconscious, this drove me mad, the frequencies of these voices / words where several per second unending without a break from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed! ... my way of dealing with this was to take diazepam and lots of it!...

The voices go worse and I continued using... then something happened to me, I started to get asked questions, very clear and precise questions rather than the rambling of my brain but actual questions directly to me! ... I got asked all kinds of things, lots I cannot remember...

Whats the most important thing in life
What do I want to do with my life
...
every time I answered a question, right or wrong, I was filled with an indescribable extacy and feeling of love! it felt like I was being rewarded for communicating!

The last 2 questions I was asked where the most important two

1) Can we guide you, to which I answered no, as I didn't want to end up being a religious nutter (in my mind, at least I had a vision of me preaching to someone, not what I wanted)

But the LAST question has haunted me since,

2) "can we taste life for you" ???? Taste? now this time I felt like it would be amazing to say yes, but I visioned seeing my dad and being an idiot and said no.... but it scared me, Taste life for me, how can something taste something for someone else? did they (whoever they or it was) want to taste something using me? felt like I was asked if I wanted to be possessed! .... gives me spine tingles even recalling this here!

Whatever it meant I still don't know, but it scared the crap out of me! I quit taking everything, totally drug free, but the voices didn't go, even diazepam only took the edge of them...

6 Months later, totally drug, tabacoo and drink free, my mind is still full of voices! IT was driving me mad, at one point I thought the devil was talking to me!

Then I met a guy who showed me a Kung fu breathing type of meditation, which I tried but didn't feel anything from it really, but the next day for one moment riding in a friends car, the voices stopped just for a few mins, and I thought this is it! meditation.

The guy disappeared from my life as quick as he came, stealing my Walkman (anyone hear old enough to remember them?). But that didn't deter me, I found a book called "Meditation on the inner light and sound" I tried that meditation for 2 weeks and bam, voices stopped completely!!!

So I have never stopped meditating since! I stayed clean for 7 years going back to school ending up with a university degree ! YAY I made it! measure of success is how high you bounce from when you hit the bottom!

So I got a good job and great gf etc, but I missed some of my former years partying, so instead of getting back into synthesized drugs I thought I would try organic / natural products sparingly as a responsible adult with a more spiritual exploration intent ...

I only enjoy natural substances on occasions usually Shrooms and truffles and soon DMT....

so here I am! thats me :) if you want to know more, just pm or reply here.

I hope to meet some awesome people on here and really find out everything there is about DMT and how best to take it! (just read that DMT is a water spirit! interesting!)

I watched the spirit molecule documentary and now I want to try, my turn, my turn .....

peace infinitynlove
 
Hi

thanks bro :) such a nice warm welcome! :)

This place is awsome, I have been a lurker for some time now :) so many teks :)

SWIM has on order 250g of MH bark (pre powdered). SWIM is looking for the right tek or easiest for a first timer ....
 
Hello infinitynlove,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thank you so much for posting that great Introduction Essay - I felt I got a good sense of who you might be.

Your story is amazing and inspirational. I'm so glad you kicked the hard drugs. I hope you are also off the benzos. I'm so happy to hear that you found meditation to be so healing. I believe in it also. Also, drug breaks, good food, good rest, good sex (or masturbation), getting out of the city and taking a nice nature hike, etc. can also be quite helpful for me.

Oh and yes, I had an original cassette player Walkman. I was blown away when I put the headphones on and played a tape - it sounded like the music was coming from inside my head! I loved it and took it with me everywhere. We also still have other antiquated electronics due to our ages (husband and I) - back in the day there was no Internet, no Cloud, etc., and hardware didn't turn over so quick. So, we are also the proud (not so) owners of an ORIGINAL MacIntosh computer and a Beta VCR. :oops:

I certainly hope you find the answers you are looking for. I think of DMT as a catalyst myself - I have to do the hard work to find insights and growth, but psychedelics are helpful for me on this front. DMT though is known for just opening up more questions for each answer one receives. Just a personal opinion here - others may disagree.

Oh, and I'd strongly recommend you read Dr. Strassman's book "DMT The Spirit Molecule," as it is SO much better than the movie. :).

So, please take a good look around - this place is huge. Keep posting and keep us updated when you start extracting. This can be a very exciting time. I personally recommend Noman's tek for beginners as it is easy and yield nice results in about 24 hours or less.

Again, a very warm welcome to you.
 
Hello Pandora

Thank you for your warm heartfelt welcome! I have just woke up, feeling a bit of the morning fog so to speak, I grabbed myself a coffee logged in and read your reply, now I feel that I have actually woke up!

Your words have made me feel accepted and loved ! thank you :)

Thank you for your kind comments about my story, it was the most amazing and at the same time the most frightening thing that has ever happened to me. It opened my mind and being so much!

The worst part was after the questions stopped I was filled with a love and bliss I cannot describe, but as I had no way (at the time, I was oblivious to meditation or any other path or practice) to advance and work with these feelings so the loving and positive feelings dwindled.

Then the drugs completely wore off and I started to withdraw after 3 years of constant (other than a couple of days here and there) use! I felt like my ego died and in honesty it had! ( Now I am not the person I was before, more than a change, I simply do not have that mind anymore, I cannot identify with my former self at all)

I felt totally spiritual lost, fearful, reeling from the fall from grace so to speak, hearing voices in my head that I was convinced was the devil and not being able to think due to withdrawal.

The internal emotional and spiritual pain of withdrawal + being disconnected from this spiritual feeling of love along with psychosis and thinking the devil was talking to me, caused me so much internal pain, I couldn't deal with it, I wanted to kill myself but I figured I would go to hell! .... The internal pain of loss was so great that real pain actually felt nice! I couldn't sleep at all so to get myself to sleep I used to head butt the wall until I knocked myself out, I did that for weeks! .... Very dark times indeed! ... at least my skull is now a lot thicker in one place :)

One of the worst parts about all this is that I felt I couldn't tell anyone, I literally suffered alone, no one knew, not even my parents. I kept it all to myself! I thought if they knew or doctors knew what I was hearing and what happened to me they would lock me up and throw away the key!

Thank the universe for meditation, I know it brought me to meditation rather than me finding it myself!

I feel I owe my life to my meditation teacher! I don't know what I would of done if I had not read his book and started meditating thus allowing it to heal me! I would of probably killed myself!

Yes I am off the benzos, totally, I have an old stash of them in case I took something (to many shrooms or truffles) that was too much for me to handle and I panicked but I haven't took them for years! my stash is probably out of date.

You are so right about good food, good rest, good sex and getting away from it all. I believe all 3 aspects of the self (mind, body, spirit / soul) need to be nurtured as a whole! good food is often so undervalued as is good sex.

Walkmans where so cool! I am glad you remember them, I remember when they brought out the ones that turned the tape over (well played the tape in the other direction), I was amazed! I also took mine with me everywhere, it was amazing, portable music!

Betamax and VHS, oh how I remember them! I still have one, with lots of old home videos still in VHS format. Do you remember the betamax vs VHS war? VHS won but I thought betamax was better personally.

You said "*** I certainly hope you find the answers you are looking for. I think of DMT as a catalyst myself - I have to do the hard work to find insights and growth, but psychedelics are helpful for me on this front. DMT though is known for just opening up more questions for each answer one receives. Just a personal opinion here - others may disagree. ***"

I totally agree with what you say about us doing the hard work. I find when I feel bad or I feel that I am making too many wrong decisions in life and keep on failing, I have a heavy shroom trip (if I can get them), when I feel my worst. This makes my trip pretty unpleasant and I literally review my whole life and all my decisions over and over, I find this helps me so much! I feel it is not the substance that helps me see or make any changes, it me and my review of myself that does that, the substance like you say is just the catalyst, it allows me to look at things differently.

I hope DMT is like that, I do not fear much these days, I feel like I am ready for DMT... This is my plan before taking some DMT

(1) 24 hour fast or no solids for 24 hours only extracted juice from organic sources
(2)Full spectrum dietary supplements taken 7 days prior, using this supplement What is in Superfood Plus?

(3)Meditation and lots of it, I will try to sit for at least an hour prior to smoking DMT, If I do not feel blessed and blissful going in, then I will not smoke DMT that day.

You are right about the book, I have it on my kindle, I started reading it a while back, but life got in the way and i stopped, now I am prepared to take some DMT I must finish it before journeying into the beyond!

Again thank you for your very warm welcome, its such a breath of fresh air to find this community and be welcomed so warmly *hugs*

Warm regards
 
Awesome intro! You've been to the dark side & back, and with that comes a whole of knowledge. I look forward to seeing more posts from you. :thumb_up:
 
Dark_Star said:
Awesome intro! You've been to the dark side & back, and with that comes a whole of knowledge. I look forward to seeing more posts from you. :thumb_up:
Click to expand...

Thank you kind sir :)

I guess you could say from that exp comes knowledge, which is true, but I at the time I was having a terrible experience of it all, It was by far the worst time of my life!

I felt I suffered from something similar to PTSD from the psychosis for the following 6 months even with totally clean living. It was only meditation (and I know I go on about this in many of my posts, sorry to repeat myself, i am not trying to preach!) that brought me back and then took me so much further than I could ever possibly conceive .

I plan to stay around here for ever, ops allowing (they have been great so far!) so hopefully any new posts from me will be an entertaining read and of some interest.

My trip reports will probably be crazy, my trips usually are!

Peace
 
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