Flying Dutchman
Rising Star
- Merits
- 42
Hey, I have had maybe 8 attempts by now, but I haven't broken through yet. However today I had two more tries and the first was probably the most intense/visual I've had, whereas the second was a trip with extremely intense entity contact where I felt I was exactly at break through tipping point, but I was pulled back. These two have left me with some questions.
During the second trip I felt again, as I have felt in every single one, that I was having a debate with myself over whether I could believe that what was happening was real, just this time I got further than ever to solving it. And every time it is an excruciatingly difficult problem where I have to make a massive mental effort to image all the factors in the equation (I can't remember all the exact themes afterwards, only a short period, it definitely involves breath, dying, DMT, and being god). At this point I am already convinced of the truth of what I am experiencing, but I have not been able to piece together the puzzle pieces and therefore doubtful skepticism holds me back. I notice entities who are observing me, who are very interested in what I am doing. I try but can not see them directly: they try very hard to evade my "inner gaze", and seem to be following a policy of strict non-interference with me and what I'm doing, to not help me in figuring it out, as they are themselves one of the puzzle pieces. I focus on seeing them and can distinguish that they are aliens living in hyperspace, I know it somehow. I ask them repeatedly, "what is your role in this?!" since I know that if I can see them directly I will understand. Yet they manage to evade my thoughts/gaze and sort of tell me to solve the problem on my own, asking me, "who are you?". This last trip, I was literally on the verge of finding the solution, the certainty that I/we am/are god, and I think I started seeing the chrysanthemum. Then I was aware that I had lost awareness of my body and with it also all of my identity. And interestingly enough, I then became aware that I was being watched by more aliens than ever. It felt like I was surrounded by the galaxy's most advanced and alien measuring technology scrutinizing every possible aspect of my reaction to this situation, my reaction was of utmost importance to them somehow. It made me feel like some kind of experiment, but I knew it was right at the same time, and I was only somewhat annoyed at this. I said the word "hallo?" (hint: it means "hello?") without knowing what it meant, sort of instinctively, and it was duly noted. I stayed still trying to figure out a way to find out what they all wanted me to do, and what hallo meant, but then they faded away already.
I think I probably just need to get more DMT into my system to break through properly, yet it intrigues me that the entities are following such a non-interference policy. Has anyone ever experienced this kind of feeling that there was something that you had to figure out in order to break through? What has been your attitude in this situation?
Also, I am using freebase in a glass meth pipe and was wondering whether it's ok for their to always remain brown liquid in the bulb no matter how long you heat (it doesn't fully vaporize)? It later deposits as crystals. I vaporize quite cautiously. This is also annoying since I can't get it cleaned out with just hot water and cleaning liquid. It's kind of difficult to access as well with just the one tiny top hole. How do you clean this kind of pipe?
Thanks to all of you for this website, it's helping me greatly in making sense of all this.
During the second trip I felt again, as I have felt in every single one, that I was having a debate with myself over whether I could believe that what was happening was real, just this time I got further than ever to solving it. And every time it is an excruciatingly difficult problem where I have to make a massive mental effort to image all the factors in the equation (I can't remember all the exact themes afterwards, only a short period, it definitely involves breath, dying, DMT, and being god). At this point I am already convinced of the truth of what I am experiencing, but I have not been able to piece together the puzzle pieces and therefore doubtful skepticism holds me back. I notice entities who are observing me, who are very interested in what I am doing. I try but can not see them directly: they try very hard to evade my "inner gaze", and seem to be following a policy of strict non-interference with me and what I'm doing, to not help me in figuring it out, as they are themselves one of the puzzle pieces. I focus on seeing them and can distinguish that they are aliens living in hyperspace, I know it somehow. I ask them repeatedly, "what is your role in this?!" since I know that if I can see them directly I will understand. Yet they manage to evade my thoughts/gaze and sort of tell me to solve the problem on my own, asking me, "who are you?". This last trip, I was literally on the verge of finding the solution, the certainty that I/we am/are god, and I think I started seeing the chrysanthemum. Then I was aware that I had lost awareness of my body and with it also all of my identity. And interestingly enough, I then became aware that I was being watched by more aliens than ever. It felt like I was surrounded by the galaxy's most advanced and alien measuring technology scrutinizing every possible aspect of my reaction to this situation, my reaction was of utmost importance to them somehow. It made me feel like some kind of experiment, but I knew it was right at the same time, and I was only somewhat annoyed at this. I said the word "hallo?" (hint: it means "hello?") without knowing what it meant, sort of instinctively, and it was duly noted. I stayed still trying to figure out a way to find out what they all wanted me to do, and what hallo meant, but then they faded away already.
I think I probably just need to get more DMT into my system to break through properly, yet it intrigues me that the entities are following such a non-interference policy. Has anyone ever experienced this kind of feeling that there was something that you had to figure out in order to break through? What has been your attitude in this situation?
Also, I am using freebase in a glass meth pipe and was wondering whether it's ok for their to always remain brown liquid in the bulb no matter how long you heat (it doesn't fully vaporize)? It later deposits as crystals. I vaporize quite cautiously. This is also annoying since I can't get it cleaned out with just hot water and cleaning liquid. It's kind of difficult to access as well with just the one tiny top hole. How do you clean this kind of pipe?
Thanks to all of you for this website, it's helping me greatly in making sense of all this.
