88
Rising Star
Most recent journey:
went into this trip with a lot of fear.
My previous attempt last night had gone very wrong; I'm staying in a hotel room at the moment, and it is a non-smoking room. I had a fear that by smoking DMT in the room, I would set off the fire alarm. So I had worked out that there was an extractor fan in the bathroom, so I would smoke in there. Thats' what I did the first night; but it went wrong. I didn't get the dose right, and it was all a bit red and squelchy and here, rather than there.
Next night, I went in deep, and it was clear to me that hyperspace is another place; it exists independently of me.
The following night, I positioned a chair in the main room, but near the bathroom door,; I was venturing out, but still hedging my bets. The trip started very badly; I don't think I got a breakthrough dose, because on the third drag, I held back, not wanting to put too much smoke into the room. Immediately, I felt my head being physically pushed to the left, toward the bathroom. It went blue, tunnelly, and became very dark in feel and tone. I moved my head back again, to face forward into the room, saying, no. I tried to keep my eyes open but a female entity rushed up to my face and literally pushed me back in. I closed my eyes, and the dark stuff was everywhere.
I got very angry with it.
"What are you guys doing, man? Look, I cleaned the hotel room up, I brought you to a nice place, what the fuck are you doing? I don't want this."
I fought my way out of the trip. Stood up, even managed to make a cup of tea somehow. Paced around a lot. It was not good.
So today's trip was preceded by a great deal of trepidation. I was really scared. This was not the fear of a fire alarm; this was the deep, animal fear of being transposed into a hyper-dimensional place that I really didn't like and really didn't want to be in. This was not fear; it was Fear.
But I knew that I had to go back in. It took me six or seven hours before I was ready.
I packed a very large dose, thinking that anything less than a breakthrough amount had in my limited experience led to unpleasantness. You have to punch a hole right through, and I wasn't going to take any chances.
I went into the bathroom, to feel safe and remove the nagging worry that had, in my opinion, fucked the last trip.
I went in. It was a breakthrough trip.
I t was once again familiar in it's structure. Carrier wave sound; things happening very quickly. Jim-jam pulsing, rushing, spinning and transforming itself at light speed. But I wasn't going in for the light show; I didn't want to be 'blinded by the candy, stunned by the astonishment'. I arrived into what I'll call "the main trip space" ... centre-stage, if you prefer. It's very much a place; a place where space and time bend, which feels vaulted, contained, but at the same time in constant movement; a place of intricate, flexing pulsing, breathing, and quite impossible spatial relationships. It is a place of more than three dimensions, and the mind is stunned by it's complexity. It's always breath-taking.
The joker was there to meet me, and he was casually showing me around. He was a bit bored. There were occasional glimpses of scenes; people, a ship? Lots of jim-jam, going big, then small, big then small … fractalising and so on. The usual; same but different.
Then I feel joker rolling his eyes and non-vocally say, with a big sigh, my name over and over and over again.
I realised what he was saying. I said, “this is all about me. Everything I'm seeing. Its' me”
We carried on moving from 'room' the 'room'.
“Hey. It's all I've got to work with”
I realised my FOCUS was internal, and upon realising this, the roof of the vault opened like a star, and I had a glimpse of an infinite, shared space beyond.
But it closed up again.
Joker shuffled me out of there and I was in a different space. I can't really describe it; I wasn't paying attention to the look of things anymore. This was a lesson. Joker had shown me something, but there was work to be done before I could progress. So I was posted off to the workshop/ psychic hospital/ school-room/ whatever place.
(At some point, somehow, I physically moved out of the bathroom, and lay on a bed. I don't know how I did this; but when I came back, I was on the bed, and not in the bathroom)
The lesson began. The place we go to on DMT is, simply, shared consciousness. Jung's Objective Psyche; the noosphere; whatever you want to call it. But it is a place where consciousness is shared.
However;our identities as humans are built on fear. Fear is very useful, and we wouldn't have evolved without it. It saved our ancestors from sabre-toothed tigers and the like. But fear traps consciousness. Because fear is about self- preservation, and that is the complete opposite of shared consciousness, which requires self-annihilation.
So the little guys, the insects, the machine elves in the psychic emergency room set to work on me. That's their job. It's what they do. They are the ones you see on the way out. They've generally appeared as insects to me. But their job is to put you back together the way you're meant to be. They fix you. They are the ones who give you 'the gift'. It feels like a gift because they're fixing shit, putting your mind back together.
Then I had a very bizarre experience. I desperately wanted to remember what I'd learnt. And then I started talking out loud.
It was English, and intelligible. It was to a large extent, in terms of ideas, what I have written here. But I was aware that it wasn't me formulating the words. I'll give you an excerpt. At one point, these were the words coming out of my mouth:
“You're saying this because, by vocalising ideas, you're accessing a different part of the brain. Effectively, by saying it out loud, the knowledge is being written into another part of your brain where it will be easier for you to remember and work with. It's like copying something off the network onto your local drive. That's why vocalisation is quite common experience on DMT.”
Interesting.
Nothing to fear but fear itself.
went into this trip with a lot of fear.
My previous attempt last night had gone very wrong; I'm staying in a hotel room at the moment, and it is a non-smoking room. I had a fear that by smoking DMT in the room, I would set off the fire alarm. So I had worked out that there was an extractor fan in the bathroom, so I would smoke in there. Thats' what I did the first night; but it went wrong. I didn't get the dose right, and it was all a bit red and squelchy and here, rather than there.
Next night, I went in deep, and it was clear to me that hyperspace is another place; it exists independently of me.
The following night, I positioned a chair in the main room, but near the bathroom door,; I was venturing out, but still hedging my bets. The trip started very badly; I don't think I got a breakthrough dose, because on the third drag, I held back, not wanting to put too much smoke into the room. Immediately, I felt my head being physically pushed to the left, toward the bathroom. It went blue, tunnelly, and became very dark in feel and tone. I moved my head back again, to face forward into the room, saying, no. I tried to keep my eyes open but a female entity rushed up to my face and literally pushed me back in. I closed my eyes, and the dark stuff was everywhere.
I got very angry with it.
"What are you guys doing, man? Look, I cleaned the hotel room up, I brought you to a nice place, what the fuck are you doing? I don't want this."
I fought my way out of the trip. Stood up, even managed to make a cup of tea somehow. Paced around a lot. It was not good.
So today's trip was preceded by a great deal of trepidation. I was really scared. This was not the fear of a fire alarm; this was the deep, animal fear of being transposed into a hyper-dimensional place that I really didn't like and really didn't want to be in. This was not fear; it was Fear.
But I knew that I had to go back in. It took me six or seven hours before I was ready.
I packed a very large dose, thinking that anything less than a breakthrough amount had in my limited experience led to unpleasantness. You have to punch a hole right through, and I wasn't going to take any chances.
I went into the bathroom, to feel safe and remove the nagging worry that had, in my opinion, fucked the last trip.
I went in. It was a breakthrough trip.
I t was once again familiar in it's structure. Carrier wave sound; things happening very quickly. Jim-jam pulsing, rushing, spinning and transforming itself at light speed. But I wasn't going in for the light show; I didn't want to be 'blinded by the candy, stunned by the astonishment'. I arrived into what I'll call "the main trip space" ... centre-stage, if you prefer. It's very much a place; a place where space and time bend, which feels vaulted, contained, but at the same time in constant movement; a place of intricate, flexing pulsing, breathing, and quite impossible spatial relationships. It is a place of more than three dimensions, and the mind is stunned by it's complexity. It's always breath-taking.
The joker was there to meet me, and he was casually showing me around. He was a bit bored. There were occasional glimpses of scenes; people, a ship? Lots of jim-jam, going big, then small, big then small … fractalising and so on. The usual; same but different.
Then I feel joker rolling his eyes and non-vocally say, with a big sigh, my name over and over and over again.
I realised what he was saying. I said, “this is all about me. Everything I'm seeing. Its' me”
We carried on moving from 'room' the 'room'.
“Hey. It's all I've got to work with”
I realised my FOCUS was internal, and upon realising this, the roof of the vault opened like a star, and I had a glimpse of an infinite, shared space beyond.
But it closed up again.
Joker shuffled me out of there and I was in a different space. I can't really describe it; I wasn't paying attention to the look of things anymore. This was a lesson. Joker had shown me something, but there was work to be done before I could progress. So I was posted off to the workshop/ psychic hospital/ school-room/ whatever place.
(At some point, somehow, I physically moved out of the bathroom, and lay on a bed. I don't know how I did this; but when I came back, I was on the bed, and not in the bathroom)
The lesson began. The place we go to on DMT is, simply, shared consciousness. Jung's Objective Psyche; the noosphere; whatever you want to call it. But it is a place where consciousness is shared.
However;our identities as humans are built on fear. Fear is very useful, and we wouldn't have evolved without it. It saved our ancestors from sabre-toothed tigers and the like. But fear traps consciousness. Because fear is about self- preservation, and that is the complete opposite of shared consciousness, which requires self-annihilation.
So the little guys, the insects, the machine elves in the psychic emergency room set to work on me. That's their job. It's what they do. They are the ones you see on the way out. They've generally appeared as insects to me. But their job is to put you back together the way you're meant to be. They fix you. They are the ones who give you 'the gift'. It feels like a gift because they're fixing shit, putting your mind back together.
Then I had a very bizarre experience. I desperately wanted to remember what I'd learnt. And then I started talking out loud.
It was English, and intelligible. It was to a large extent, in terms of ideas, what I have written here. But I was aware that it wasn't me formulating the words. I'll give you an excerpt. At one point, these were the words coming out of my mouth:
“You're saying this because, by vocalising ideas, you're accessing a different part of the brain. Effectively, by saying it out loud, the knowledge is being written into another part of your brain where it will be easier for you to remember and work with. It's like copying something off the network onto your local drive. That's why vocalisation is quite common experience on DMT.”
Interesting.
Nothing to fear but fear itself.
