open'nheart
Rising Star
iv been undergoing the trial run phase with spice the last few weeks, a little bit...then a bit more....building up to a breakthru. theres been an element of anxiety that iv been dealing with, my last breakthru was with ayahuasca was over a year ago and that one took a long time to come to terms with. my recent introduction to the spice has been a deepening journey.
last night i spent time with some newly aquired caapi leaf that iv enhanced with vine tea. iv been very attracted to the idea of bringing the plants into the smoked expirience.
after a large leaf joint i decided it was time to spice it up a bit....so i pressed play on the sterio (enya 8) ) and loaded up some chanja.
inhale....exhale... then another. my chest aches, my heart pounds, "oh my god!" rather vividly i remember the discomfort the come up always brings for me. im resisting, and within a few moments the immediate rush gives way to a kalidescoping of vision that draws me innerward. "is it too much?...oh god, its too much!" ...resistance. relax...relax.
the hardest part for me is the uncertainty of how far im going to go into the expirience as im going into it. i always find myself bouncing between sheer panic and total surrender.
im getting there, but im not quite there, so i take another hit.
and that does it. it all becomes so absolutly beautiful... here again im reminded of why i keep doing this to myself. i felt held, like a child. soothed, "i know...i know...its okay" i felt loved. these feelings were my main take away from this expirience.
this was really what i needed, iv been battling the fear and havent been able to bring myself deep enough. last night i was given the re-assurance iv been looking for.
its inspired me to go in again later tonight. iv had about 50mg of vine tea in my freezer that iv pulled out to thaw.
*now on a side note, when i pulled out the tea my mind Rorschach'd the pattern on the ice formation. "wtf, a mantis?!?...YOU AGAIN!!?" lol, i cant say the plants dont have a sence of humor.
last night i spent time with some newly aquired caapi leaf that iv enhanced with vine tea. iv been very attracted to the idea of bringing the plants into the smoked expirience.
after a large leaf joint i decided it was time to spice it up a bit....so i pressed play on the sterio (enya 8) ) and loaded up some chanja.
inhale....exhale... then another. my chest aches, my heart pounds, "oh my god!" rather vividly i remember the discomfort the come up always brings for me. im resisting, and within a few moments the immediate rush gives way to a kalidescoping of vision that draws me innerward. "is it too much?...oh god, its too much!" ...resistance. relax...relax.
the hardest part for me is the uncertainty of how far im going to go into the expirience as im going into it. i always find myself bouncing between sheer panic and total surrender.
im getting there, but im not quite there, so i take another hit.
and that does it. it all becomes so absolutly beautiful... here again im reminded of why i keep doing this to myself. i felt held, like a child. soothed, "i know...i know...its okay" i felt loved. these feelings were my main take away from this expirience.
this was really what i needed, iv been battling the fear and havent been able to bring myself deep enough. last night i was given the re-assurance iv been looking for.
its inspired me to go in again later tonight. iv had about 50mg of vine tea in my freezer that iv pulled out to thaw.
*now on a side note, when i pulled out the tea my mind Rorschach'd the pattern on the ice formation. "wtf, a mantis?!?...YOU AGAIN!!?" lol, i cant say the plants dont have a sence of humor.
